3D printed battle-armor for cats

This might slow me down

A pedant asks: Is it armour, or barding?

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Cry havoc, and let slip teh kittehs of war!

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Per a Khajit with an opinion on the matter:

Every minute part of the Khajiti traditional armor can be seen in the soldiers in the foreground. The embroidered edging and striped patterns on the tunics. Each lacquered plate on loose-fitting leather in the Elsweyr style. The helmets of cloth and fluted silver.
“Cherim does not understand the point of plate mail,” said Cherim. “It is hot, for one, like being both burned and buried alive. Cherim wore it at the insistence of our Nord advisors during the Battle of Zelinin, and Cherim couldn’t even turn to see what my fellow Khajiit were doing. Cherim did some sketches for a tapestry of the Battle of Zelinin, but Cherim finds that to make it realistic, the figures came out very mechanical, like iron golems or dwemer centurions. Knowing our Khajiti commanders, Cherim would not be surprised if giving up the heavy plate was more aesthetic than practical.”
“Elsweyr lost the Battle of Zelinin, didn’t she?”
“Yes, but Elsweyr won the war, starting at the next battle, the Heart of Anequina,” said Cherim with a smile. “The tide turned as soon as we Khajiit sent our Nordic advisors back to Solitude. We had to get rid of all the heavy armor they brought to us and find enough traditional armor our troops felt comfortable wearing. Obviously, the principle advantage of the traditional armor was that we could move easily in it, as you can see from the natural stances of the soldiers in the tapestry.

“Now if you look at this poor perforated Cathay-raht who just keeps battling on in the bottom background, you see the other advantage. It seems strange to say, but one of the best features of traditional armor is that an arrow will either deflect completely or pass all the way through. An arrow head is like a hook, made to stick where it strikes if it doesn’t pass through. A soldier in traditional armor will find himself with a hole in his body and the bolt on the other side. Our healers can fix such a wound easily if it isn’t fatal, but if the arrow still remains in the armor, as it does with heavier armor, the wound will be reopened every time the fellow moves. Unless the Khajiit strips off the armor and pulls out the arrow, which is what we had to do at the Battle of Zelinin. A difficult and time-consuming process in the heat of battle, to say the least.”

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Back in the late 80s or early 90’s there was a fake TV commercial on Saturday Night Live featuring a product just like this called “Action Cats”!!! It was like a kids’ toy ad - the cats would walk awkwardly around with the armor on, there were different varieties like StegoPuss (with glow-in-the-dark bones), one that shot toy missiles and another I don’t remember. The kids playing with them said “ActionCats are Awesome!” and it showed a brief animated figure like a Thundercat that roared and shrunk into the logo. At the end it said “order now and get a free mighty mite” or something, showing a little kitten in armor. Too cute and too funny. Somebody please find that and put it on youtube and tell us the link! It was when Chris Farley was on the show.

Does this ring a bell with anyone? I swear this is real.

I’m gonna go with this explanation. For all I’ve read about warfighting in Japan during that period, never seen any mention of dogs much less dog armor.

this one?

NBC page

(can’t watch it myself, region-blocked. fuck you, youtube/NBC/copyright owner)

Finally, a practical reason for me to buy a 3d printer.

Yes I’m sure that’s it judging by the title, but yeah, I can’t see it either. Action Cats ARE awesome, but you’ll just have to take my word for it.

This link works for me, maybe now you can all see ActionCats!

  • Batteries and cats sold separately.
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My hope for an armored, weaponized cat controlled MECHA has taken another step toward reality.

/crouches, wiggles bottom and tail, prepares for pounce

Obligatory Ring World Kzin reference (thank you Larry Niven!) -

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/aliens/images/8/8a/Kzin2-r.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110105035828

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The Adventures of Cat Dude, from the excellent anti-walkthroughts written by Joseph Paul Morris

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https://youtu.be/5fP4emqw7O4

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