7 ways to make beaches safer for humans without killing sharks


Don’t let the fly-by-night vendors fool you – there’s no such thing as an Emergency Floatation Ham. Total ripoff.


Making us safe is not important. What matters most is making us feel safe, and killing sharks is right up there with confiscating terror-shampoo.


I say wrap everyone in a foot thick amount of bubble wrap and wrap that in fine chain mail.

And one is: if you can’t beat 'em, just close the beach.

But we can beat them…by killing them until they die from it.

Killing every shark in existence wouldn’t make beaches any safer for humans. Wouldn’t have all that much impact on the safety of the water right next to the beaches either.

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Correct. The Western Australian government already does 5 of the 7 suggestions on the list - I don’t think we’ve ever tried towing sharks out to sea, and I’m not sure how much research they sponsor.The measures are pretty effective. Most people attacked by sharks are in unprotected areas or are in the water when nobody is keeping an eye on things (like dawn and dusk)

The culling is purely for tourism. If you’re known as the shark attack capital of the world, you want people to see you being decisive and taking action - however useless those actions may be.


Any kickbacks to the WA Government from the Hong Kong shark fin traders?

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Eight: Tag sharks with transponders then send a tweet when the fish gets close to a place where there are people. I saw that idea recently and I think its great.

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Nine: frickin lasers.



So, let’s see, 1 fatal shark attack in a year in Australia. 291 drowning deaths last year. Yeah, let’s worry about the sharks. Definitely a good use of funds.



If you’re known as the shark-attack capital of the world, tourists are going to want to see some shark attacks.

There’s just something about worrying about the statistically super unlikely event of being predated upon by the marine killing machine known as a shark. Little mammal fears eh? Out of our terrestrial environment… The potential risk (admittedly small) of an encounter with a predator who is very well adapted to the marine environment… ZOMG!

Other posters have hit the nail on the head as far as what’s more likely to kill you. Maybe we should focus on ways to keep those damn terrestrial mammals in their element and out of the water (and I’m not talking lemmings here folks)[and yes, I know that the “lemming mass suicide” thing is b.s., just a bit of humor folks…]

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