Unnecessary shark attack safety advice


#1

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#2

If you surf or swim regularly where sharks are known to be present, your odds of being killed by a shark are considerably greater.


#3

The booklet; ‘Dos and Don’ts for Swimmers in Shark Infested Waters’.
Are you ready for the first do? ‘Get out of the water as soon as
possible.’ Can you imagine a guy having the moxie to type that out?
Get out of the water! Oh, I’m glad you thought of that doctor, jeez,
I’ve been philosophizing with those sharks.’

-Lenny Bruce

You know what they say you’re supposed to do if you’re being attacked by a shark? You’re supposed to punch him in the face. Yeah, and when that doesn’t work you poke him in the eye with your bloody stump. And what if the shark wasn’t going to attack you in the first place? What if he was just curious and you punch him? ‘What’d you do that for?’ ‘I thought you were going to attack me.’ ‘Well I wasn’t, but I have to now. The other sharks are watching and it doesn’t look good.’

-Robert Schimmel

The only thing that makes me happier than the fact that the chances of being killed by a shark are so ridiculously small is the fact that shark attacks are such a comedy gold mine.


#4

I think those odds are overly optimistic given the recent phenomenon of Sharknado.


#5

It had my left torso and I was staring right into its eyes for a
second. It was like we had a connection.

Speaking of Shark Week, last night I was watching a Discovery Channel documentary where they mentioned that virtually all survivors mention the above. I think that’s an interesting phenomenon and wonder if it occurs in other situations where humans are the potential prey.


#6

The odds may have increased considerably now that we know megalodons are still around. No, really. I saw it on the Discovery Channel!


#7

Two words: Stockholm syndrome.


#8

They seem to have it mixed up a bit. It’s punch a bear in the nose and kick a shark in the cloaca, try not too get the flipper stuck.


#9

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