A 2-year-old shreds his parents $1,060 savings in paper shredder

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/10/05/a-2-year-old-shreds-his-parent.html

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Basically the government just has to verify that the original bills are all there and will send fresh ones in their place. Verifying the old ones isn’t terribly difficult given that they luckily used a cheap and mostly useless straight cut shredder. The government will basically just attached the bills to a piece of contact paper, scan them in, and a computer will reassemble them in a few tenths of a second.

Also, if they were trying to actually hide information like account details using that shredder an identity thief could do exactly the same thing. Luckily there are easier ways to get people’s private information so few thieves would bother.


I have a 22mo. Securing the paper shredder (and other valuables like a thousand bucks) is basic parenting opsec. Hopefully they learn from this lesson so that major injuries don’t occur down the line.


If you have kids you’re going to have to accept that they’ll eventually do way more than $1000 in damage.


Exactly. I have a friend who makes many little “oopsies” in life like this. He has a 9 month old now. I am sure something like this is coming, and I will again say, “What have we learned, Allen?”


Small child shenanigans just get started at about 18 months. What no one ever tells you (assuming this is your first kid, maybe you already know) is that the “terrible 2’s” don’t end until sometime in Kindergarten.


I gave up on numbering them and just started calling them “the terribles”.


This is my first but I’m well aware of the progression. I’ve been told by many that having a threenager is worse than the terrible twos. I don’t know if there’s a cute name for the 4yo set but my niece, wonderful as she is, can be a real piece of work sometimes. I’m going into this eyes wide open.


I don’t see the difference between shredding that amount of cash versus buying tickets to a sporting event. Personally, I’d rather wipe my toddler’s ass with the bills. At least we’d have a temporarily fresh baby butt, which would be incrementally better than a pile of shredded green linen.


I was watching a video about the Mutilated Currency Division with my kids just the other day:


I’m glad to hear that! We’re not at the teen years yet (arriving in just 3-ish short years). Can’t say I’m exactly looking forward to the hormone-fueled stupidity that awaits us, though.


I’d still be careful. With Trump’s pet Mnuchin in charge, one might get back newly-printed Trumplandia Marks.


That’s a big two year-old.


And stuff like this is why there are banks.

Good Condom ad


“The Bureau of Engraving and Printing … has an entire “Mutilated Currency Division,” which is devoted to “redeeming” burned, waterlogged, chemically altered, rodent-chewed or deteriorated money — a free service to the public. It handles approximately 30,000 claims per year, redeeming more than $30 million in mutilated cash, according to its website.”

Does this cover recreational mutilation? Or just accidental mutilation?

Because I’ve got this idea my friend has this idea for a drinking game where you have to both drink and mutilate currency. Hilarious!

You don’t think weighing them might be faster?

from what i understand, the potential for expensive drama doesn’t really end until they move out and are on their own.


Be careful about local legislation, though. In Thailand, this gets you straight into jail. (Disrespectful behaviour towards the (late) King, who is depicted on the currency, can get you in real trouble. You might be glad if the police helps out, but the prisons in Thailand are notorious… )


Fuck the jackass on Twitter who decided to “call BS” on this story because he couldn’t think of any process by which green paper can be separated from white paper.