A calendar to track Hollywood's Heroic Age: 41 superhero films over next 5 years


#1

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#2

That’s a lot of films. Will we suffer from burnout?

I’m still wanting a remake of Supergran.


#3

Hollywood logic seems simple enough. If X makes enough money, then rehash X over and over over and over again until it stops making money. When it stops, and only then, try some new crap until Y makes enough money. Repeat.

Creativity? Originality? Variety? Who cares? It’s a business, made to make money, that found a financially sound formula. And we’re the ones who keep paying.


#4

What I shall henceforth be calling the History-channelification of film.


#5

The marketing wars that they are all about to launch will likely be very impressive.


#6

I’d rather watch a good movie about that at this point.


#7

Remake? That’s blasphemy! The original series is still light years better than any of the superhero films, past, present or future. And plus its got feminism in it.


#8

And then, in 2020, it’ll be time to reboot Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter!


#9

They’re not done with Harry Potter yet (or at least books in the same universe); Rowling seems to still have the itch to write more books, so they’ve got one more movie coming out and probably another one or two after that, which delays the inevitable reboot. There’s still the Silmarillion Movie to squeeze out of the Tolkien estate, too, whenever they get desperate enough. That might set the reboots back until even 2030, which means they might have to come out with something original in 2020 once the superhero craze gets over-exploited. (Because it’s not just these movies, but over a dozen superhero television shows as well.)


#10

As reboot frequency seems to increase with time, by 2020 they’ll be rebooting things that haven’t been made yet.


#11

Will we?” they ask? You’re a year late there, pal. After 2 out of 3 Iron Man movies, both Hulks, three out of seven X-Men, three out of five Spider-Men, the first Thor, the first Captain America, the first Avengers, the last three Batmen, a recent Superman, and Guardians of the Galaxy, I was full for good. None of these movies was anything less than roundly entertaining, but enough is too much already! If I never see another superhero movie it’ll be too soon. I just don’t care anymore about the adventures and trials and foibles and banter of colorfully-spandexed crimefighters (who, as often as not, are no longer fighting crime so much as fighting each other and super-powered supervillains who were generally created as a direct result of the superheroes’ actions anyway), who really have nothing at all in common with my life or the lives of human beings I could give two shits about. Whether or not they employ capes and masks, I’ve had it up to here with secret identities and skintight costumes and ridiculous armor and Infinity Gems.

God, somebody make me a Western. One with werewolves would be just fine. Is that too much to ask?


#12

It’s anti-ageist too. Gudrun Ure would do her own stunts if she could.

But you’re right. Hollywood will just move it to London or New York, give it a special effects budget and do other things to destroy it.


#13

I have no idea where you can find this, but here you go.


#14

Kinda sorta already?
Age of Ultron can wait till the second run $4 cinema. A lot can wait till DVD. Not saying I won’t watch and enjoy them just not gonna go drop $15 each for them.


#15

Mr Tarantino? Are you busy?


#16

Excellent! Gotta track that down. Even if it’s awful (and I assume it will be), I’d rather watch that than Batman v. Superman.


#17

Luckily, the planet won’t be around long enough for us to enjoy them mwah ha ha ha ha!


#18

They could probably throw Star Wars VII, VIII, IX and Star Wars Rogue One on there too. Pew pew pew.


#19

Coincidentally, all the Hollywood studio cafeterias will be serving Triple Chocolate Cake Fiesta for all their meals over the next five years.

You do like chocolate cake, right?


#20

I’ve been rewatching the show with my son recently and I think they are a lot fun. Goofy and cheap but they have a lot of heart. And remarkably a lot narrative coherence which is more than I can say about many of the superhero movies I’ve seen.