A roundup of the hilarious, terrible, wonderful art of 4th of July fireworks packaging

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The one and only time I’ve been in a fireworks store, I was tickled to see Photoshop art I’d done for an album cover repurposed into Deadliest Catch brand fireworks.


Good luck with that.

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“Neighbor Hater” is just being accurate. Speaking as someone who is surrounded by people setting off illegal fireworks to the point where it sounds like an active war zone, I definitely want to bludgeon some of my neighbors in response.

Yeah, they banned all fireworks here and more and more people are setting them off, including more of the stuff that was always illegal (and cause people to lose fingers every year). Apparently internet sales are responsible. The fireworks are pretty much year-round, too. I don’t think the police are enforcing the law at all.


They’re generally not during the 4th. I know this first hand because around 3-4 years ago some kids in the neighborhood had a large fire going on their driveway (directly onto the asphalt) and were also setting off fireworks in the middle of the road. So cars had to either turn around or drive through the fireworks.
Me and my ex attempted to call the cops on them, and kept getting re-routed to different police stations around Houston because no one wanted to go out because they had better things to do.


You Nanny State Liberals are always whining about safety, but I can count on my finger the times it’s actually been an issue for me!


I liked this stuff better when it was somewhat less topical. Thanks internet!

Fireworks have been banned in our city for many years and I think yesterday was by far the most noisy in recent years. Between the extended Disney show, the nearby joint forces air base, and the entire east side of our city, it sounded like the distant bombing of London. Municipal bans don’t really work when you can buy fireworks across the street in the neighboring city.


Observation, based on many visits to firework stands in Oregon and some in Washington:

The fireworks carried by TNT and Black Cat have cool labels, but they’re not quite as “out there” as the ones you find in the rarely-encountered indie firework stand. You have to do some footwork (well, tirework) to find the latter.

One set up shop in the parking lot of the Whole Foods down the road a few years ago. Among the oddities: DARK SCIENCE, Confederate-themed fireworks, and little kiddie gift packs. One of the latter was girl themed. A little transparent purse with a pink handle stuffed with tame little fireworks.

I havent’ been up there in years, but Washington state’s Indian reservations are notorious for their many, colorfully dodgy-looking firework stands. You can bet them’s the place to go to find the most outrageous and law-stretching fireworks.

Boing Boing has linked to it before, but here’s my Flickr set of firework stands.


My cousins and I had a really great time playing with firecrackers when we were kids. I wish my kids could have the same experiences, but things have changed so much in the last few decades.

The war zone simulation started on Friday (after weeks of low-level firework use during the summer, and more intense use during weekends and every other holiday throughout the year), and will continue for a few more days. The penalties are fairly stiff, so if the police were citing people at all, I would have expected that to cool the enthusiasm. I haven’t tried calling the police because I haven’t directly seen anyone setting off the fireworks, as they’re on parallel streets (I just get to see and hear the results), so I have no idea what the response is. I know they expanded which municipal employees can issue tickets to include code enforcement, fire fighters and parking enforcement. No one mentions how many tickets are actually issued, making me think the number is close to zero, which I know it is in some other cities with bans.

Or on the internet. They’ve have a fireworks ban for decades here, but there’s been a real spike in recent years in not just ignoring the law but the use of bigger, more dangerous fireworks.


I don’t know about you guys but I’d much rather see some serious restrictions and enforcement on things that kill far more people every day - like guns - than a ban on once-a-year fireworks.


I personally don’t care if one night is open for this spectacle. Our kitty doesn’t like the sounds, but we closed all the windows and left on the TV. When we returned from watching our neighbors set theirs off, the noise had subsided and he came out from under the bed and sat with us. As loud as it was, this seemed to be the easiest recovery for our cat in his 15 years. (He is scared of lightning and thunder, too.) What bugs me is the isolated M80 at 1:30 a.m. There’s no reason to be a dick about it.


That pretty much sums things up.

I also live in a county that bans fireworks, but on Friday through this morning it sounded like a warzone pretty much all day. Like for others, it seemed especially bad here this year and I’m not sure why that is. Of course there’s basically zero enforcement of this.

They may seem like harmless fun but they are annoying to terrifying for neighbors (not to mention any pets that can hear them). Fireworks aren’t just annoying, they are a serious fire hazard to others. I live in a densely populated area with many trees. All it takes is some chucklefuck lighting an aerial explosive and to have it land in some nearby underbrush or someone’s roof and start a fire. At least it has been pretty mild this summer and things aren’t super dry but you can’t count on that,

I guess “fuck you, got mine” is as alive and well as ever. #america


One of my best friends is an ex-Marine who saw extensive, bloody combat in Afghanistan. He’s a pretty well-adjusted guy, all things considered, but let’s just say that even one night a year of having frequent loud mortars and explosions going off around his house is too much for some people.

My dog is also not a fan. I refer to July 5th as “nervous dog tummy day”.


I briefly met someone who was also a vet and mentioned that the 4th and New Years were the two worst holidays because of fireworks.

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You also have those lovely shitbasket people that think it’s a great idea to fire their guns in the air on these days as well.


A block from my home folks regularly launch fireworks from a parking lot right behind the police station. I’ve never heard of the police giving a shit.

[insert meme picture of “Why not both?” girl]

Fireworks cause craploads of fires, as well as craploads of injuries - and that’s with them primarily being used just once a year. Much as I love watching them, those giant roman candle mortars in the OP are seriously dodgy and dangerous. Doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could do this, though:

-At least the guy in the vid is at a nice fireproof beach, far too many people just have no concept of fire safety.

Meanwhile, this is a stark reminder that playing with powerful fireworks is not a safe endeavor: