A thread to catalog all the other threads

It was a post-it attached to an Olive Marketing Board newsletter.


Roundfiled, natch.

May I put an item on the next agenda? To stay current and relevant, can we replace our current interoffice mail system with Snapchat? I hear it is what all the… Uh… Mill-Illinals… Uh… Do.

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Motion denied on the grounds that you are old.


I assigned it the appropriate level of urgency and actioned it accordingly.

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Pull in the Olive Clown Capers? I’m putting on my wizard caper hat and olive clown robe…

(Isn’t it hilarious I’m exactly the age of Dennis from Holy Grail?)

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Cover sheet?

since the video wont play here, I’ll just insert this:

This is a notice to Initech employees regarding a new cover sheet for all TPS reports. This sheet is to replace TPS Cover Sheet Rev. Code 11-2. The new TPS Cover Sheet Rev. Code 11-3 can be retrieved from the Operational Data database server. The new sheets are designed to comply with and expedite SQL requests from the network.


That was so good. Must follow it to youtewb and watch it. Don’t be put off by the “Watch this video on youtube”. DO IT. Ass is laughed off.

Don’t use this phrase as Google image search term. Just don’t.



TO: Internet Search, Response, Training, ReTraining, Classification and
  DeClassification Sub-Committee on search terms, words, phrases, 
  sentences, fragments and ideograms
CC: All
Subject: Effective immediately, google and google-owned domains are added
  to the Internet blocklist
Priorty: URGENT

Text shall not be used when there is a perfectly acceptable animated graphic that conveys the idea that one is crudely trying to express via antiquated means.
google regrets


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I’m drawing up the mandatory Official Reprimand and Stern Warning papers now. I’m sorry, renke. If I don’t, then you or anyone else can draw up Official Reprimand and Stern Warning papers on me for not drawing up Official Reprimand and Stern Warning papers. I know, I know. They have us at each other’s throats here in this goddamn company. See you at game night tonight in the atrium? Did you fill out the release form yet? I left another stack by the coffee station, which of course is sitting there dry without any coffee because of what happened yesterday. So I figured I could at least drop a stack of forms there so people would not feel like it’s a wasted trip.

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a stern warning? Current procedure for a first offence is a week at the @Mindysan33 Animated GIF reeducation camp.


Didn’t you get the memo?

The game was canceled, the umpire collapsed while in Caffeine cold turkey.


Well, that’s usually the recommendation from the FOPRC (First Offense Punishment and Rehabilitation Committee) after I file this damn report. Another bunch of fabulous a-holes.

I heard that, but @daneel said he’d stand in as gamekeeper, so it’s back on!!! Remember, if you lose a game, your team is on shredding duty for a week.

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Didn’t you hear? The shredding machines are misbehaving and the standard model around here (the Brother 825A-825) is on back order.

So whoever is on shredding duty should practice their cross cut diamond patterns with scissors. But in the interest of safety we must use safe scissors, like these.

I will be handing them out with additional release forms this afternoon.


Those scissors should only be distributed to those already confirmed as having completed mandatory training TR549791 Safe Scissor Safety Awareness 101.

Remember to check your learning plans, everyone. It is a corporate objective that everyone completes all their training three months early.