Three points, in increasing relevance. Apologies for length.
One. Gay and straight men look the same. Cis men and trans women usually look very different – Jen Richards looks more like any woman in Hollywood than she looks like Matt Bomer.
Two. The vast majority of cis people receive almost all their information about trans people from media written, produced, and acted by cis people. Because they don’t see accurate depictions of trans people, or depictions are biased towards showing trans people as poor, overly sexual, mentally ill, a walking joke, mannish and nonpassing, etc, that is what they think all trans people are like. Unfortunately this has political ramifications in a world where laws are passed restricting things like where people can go to the bathroom. When trans people who pass for cis ask social conservatives just where they’re supposed to pee, conservatives are utterly flummoxed because this person does not even exist in their imagination. How would they know what trans people look like? Trans people flee conservative towns and so all the conservatives know are what they see on TV or at the movies. Even if they want to see a supposedly more positive show, they might get directed to something like Trans Parent where the lead actor is so grotesquely mannish, just the previous year in Arrested Development they played him becoming transgender for laughs.
(As an example of just how distorted transphobes perceptions of trans women are, a short anecdote. I know a trans woman who works at a competitor to Target, and when some people decided to boycott Target due to their pro-trans policies, they also visited this store to ask the manager what their policies were. So she’d go out to talk to them, and explain that men weren’t allowed to use the bathrooms – by which she meant self-identified men, of course. The boycotters never once seemed to figure out they were talking to a trans woman describing a policy functionally identical to Target’s, and it struck her sense of humor to never bother telling them.)
Three. I really need to write this up in a longer post sometime, if only to clarify it to myself, but much of the particular type of misogyny faced by trans women seems to come from certain patriarchal men’s horrid desires to: first, make sure the entire world knows in no uncertain terms that they are straight; and second, use sexual partners as markers of social status. If such a man finds out a woman he’s been ogling is trans, and he decides this woman is “really” a man, it directly challenges his self-perception as straight. If he dates a trans woman and knows other men might think he’s dating someone who looks like Matt Bomer, this could threaten his status. In a world of toxic masculinity, men often react violently when their self worth or straightness is questioned. Courts have sometimes even accepted as a defense, that men who killed trans partners did so in an “understandable” rage at being “tricked.” In fact, only one state has explicitly banned this “trans panic” defense. I think this is more or less what Jen Richards is getting at when she says just the depiction of a trans woman by a cis man might increase the murder rate.
It helps to understand that the central trans holiday, TDoR, is everyone getting together to read a list of all the trans people who were murdered during the year and the circumstances of their murder. You do a lot of thinking about race, class, misogyny, and killer’s motives in those hours, as each name is read and candle is lit, and you also worry a lot that this year there’s just too much fire and the church is gonna burn down around you.