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A Tale of Two Titties by Charles Dikkens with two Kās.
Some past comments in my print business over the years.
Customer: I need to print some business cards, how much?
Me: Are you supplying the artwork?
C: Itās not a masterpiece or anything.
How many do you need?
Just one.
orā¦
I have a something already printed, can you remove part of the image?
orā¦ (we had a classified ad in a local paper. ā¦ press for sale Call 604ā¦etc.
Hello? may I speak with Call? (admittedly an ESL person).
my all time favourite.
after sending out a statement to a Doctorās office for some printing
which listed the invoice number amount owing date etcā¦
(the accounting software often put in "over 45 or over 60 etc " ie number of days past due.)
received a letter from said Doctorās secretary,
stating they didnāt know what the invoice was could we please send a copy of the original
and adding āby the way, Doctor so and so was born in 1965 and is definitely not over 60ā
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I got a job at a retail place once because I recognized the guy casing the CD rack (remember those?) as he was a former housemate whoād stolen many a CD from me, and my purse, and my passport. I flagged the manager and said she needed to watch him, she said āOh we know him very well already, but thank you, are you dropping off a resume?ā 
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Iāve been on both sides of the counter and I donāt find some of this funny. Itās true there are clueless customers who ask dumb questions. Some are really dumb; others are are inarticulate people with sensible thoughts they have difficulty putting into wordsā¦ In either case, Iām not sure condescending sarcasm is the ideal response. People Iāve worked with behind the counter tend to treat all customers (other than ones they know personally) the way they treat their most difficult customers. As a customer, if I see a clerk treat someone like an idiotāeven if that someone IS an idiotāIāll go elsewhere next time. You donāt need to be a jerk to run an interesting, quirky shop.
Concerning bookstore prices, a friend was once on the opposite end of this scenario. He chose a book clearly marked $18 in the proprietorās own hand. But when he took the book to the counter, the bookseller said, āThatās not the priceā¦ā He then consulted a price guide (this was pre-Internet) and quoted an amount double the marked price.
[phone call]
Are you hiring?
No.
Good! Can I have your companyās name?
Why?
I have to tell the Unemployment Department that I am looking for a job.
This is the Unemployment Department. Can I get your name?
* click *
This is not customer service. This is Zen, as practiced through customer service.
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Reminds me of this, even though it isnāt about a book:
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Like real poems?
A woman wandered into a poetry reading and was bowled over. Disbelieving, she asked the poet: "Is that a real poem or did you just make it up?
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This is what smartphones with unlimited data plans are for. You can prove anyone wrong about anything at the drop of a hat without even having to go to the library.
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I really enjoy tales of crappy customers, but some of these do seem just like the author is having a chance to practice their sarcasmā¦ this one just seems downright rude:
phone callā¦
Your Yellow Page ad says you buy medical books.
Yes we do. What do you have?
Well, my Mom died and she was a hypochondriac.
Maybe she was right!
What do you mean?
Nothing. What kind of books did she have?
Sick books. You know, pills, diseases and all that!
Sorry, we only buy healthy books.
Really?
Yea. Sorry to hear about your mom.
Are ya, though?
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