Actual conversations with rude or odd customers at a used book store

[Garymon]

@monkeyoh

I desperately want to know what this customer meant by “real books”.

You know, like they sell at the grocery check-out line.

[popobawa4u]

It’s true! When I am stoned, my diction wanders to some odd places.

[scottchilcote]

RDU Airport (near Raleigh NC) has a used book seller out by the gates. I don’t know how they get by, but I’m glad it’s there. I was browsing there a month or so ago when a fellow came in and held a book up to the cashier.

Guy: “I have this book that I’ve already read. Can I swap it for a different one?”

Cashier: “No I’m sorry. We don’t trade books, we only sell them.”

Guy with book: “It’s one for one. You’ll have this book, and I’d have another book. What’s wrong with that?”

Cashier: “Sorry, I don’t make the rules here. We’re only allowed to sell our books.”

Guy with book, sounding angry: “That’s a lousy rule! I don’t want this book. Can I leave it on the table in front of the store?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. I have to follow the rules, it’s my job.”

At that point, a couple approaches the front of the store. Guy with book goes up to them. “Hey, would you like to read this book? I’m done reading it! If you want it, you can have it for free!”

Totally reminds me of Eric Idle, for some reason. “For ten pounds, I won’t ruin your sketch!”

[CarlMud]

From my time at Barnes and Noble in my early twenties I can say that this is a real experience.

“Hi, I’m looking for a book.”

“Do you know what the title is or who the author is?”

“I think the cover was red.”

“Do you know anything else, like what it’s about?”

“My friend said it was really great and everyone was reading it. Where are your popular books?”

After showing them the NY Times Bestsellers, they’d eventually remember that it was an old popular book that’s been published several times with different covers.

---

Sometimes you could figure out the odd logic behind their mental associations.

“I’m looking for a book called ‘Somebody Ate My Quesadilla.’”

“You mean, ‘Who Moved My Cheese?’ I’ll show you where it is.”

---

It always got awkward when they could swear they knew the author’s name but even after you found the book that fit perfectly with every detail they could remember about it, they’d still claim that it wasn’t the correct author. As if someone other than J.D. Salinger wrote The Catcher in the Rye. I half expected them to say: “No, I want the Herman Melville version…”

[adonai]

Jumping through to the website though, this post made me incredibly sad:

A very nice, well-appointed lady spends about an hour browsing the stock, including the locked cases. After building a rather formidable stack of unrelated books worth over $3,500 (including some very scare Mark Twain first editions), I couldn’t resist asking:

What do you collect?

Oh nothing, but I will purchase these.

(My curiosity getting the better of me) A gift?

No. I am going to use them to decorate my daughter’s bathroom.

(Silly me! I failed to notice that the books were all various shades of green. This is a good thing, since the books will soon be color-coordinated with the mold).

[Michael_R_Smith]

Second hand bookseller I knew sold a car boot load of books to a doctor who wanted to outfit the library in his new holiday house. He didn’t care what the books were about, just that they filled the library.

[SteampunkBanana]

[quote=“CarlMud, post:24, topic:72066”]
“No, I want the Herman Melville version…”
[/quote]…the one without the gannet.

[SteampunkBanana]

Strand sells books by the foot to prop departments.

[popobawa4u]

It’s okay, I had a Doctor Who fit in my library as well!

[adonai]

[noahdjango]

the one without the… ? The gannet’s in all the books! it’s a standard British bird!

[popobawa4u]

Alright! Who’s in charge of pulling the birds around here?

[anon8420928]

@CarlMud

I half expected them to say: “No, I want the Herman Melville version…”

Monty Python - Bookshop Sketch (Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album)

“I did, they sent me here!”

“Did they.”

[SteampunkBanana]

Thanks for picking up what I was putting down.

[ChuckV]

[L_Mariachi]

Sure they do, it’s just commonly misspelled as “yay!”

[fiddlingfrog]

[GulliverFoyle]

@cah

On a somewhat related note: I’m really hoping that “Stainback” and “The Wayword Bus” from another anecdote are just attempts to render dialect/pronunciation. (Though I’m more than a little doubtful.)

I think the reply, “He’s the author, sort of,” proves it was a rendering of the caller’s actual pronunciation.

[algomeysa2]

I always enjoy these type of anecdotes, although as a quiet-as-a-churchmouse stealth customer whom the employees don’t even realize is there in the back stacks, some of the weirdest conversations I’ve heard in used bookstores or comic book shops are the employees conversing with each other when they don’t realize or don’t care that others are listening.

[LDoBe]

That reminds me.

I used to work at RadioShack, and one time, a foreign language speaker conversed openly with their interlocutor about casing the place to try and steal stuff later. I was very fluent in that particular language at the time, and I piped up with “Hey, just be sure to come back after my shift” in their language. They were pretty pissed off that I understood them and left without buying anything. People say the weirdest shit when they think they have privacy.