As you said, they were undermining you and gaslighting you so that you didn’t think you were good enough to expect better. That’s on them.
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That sounds so incredibly familiar. When I was in that job, every time I broke through with objective success, I was reassigned to something further and further outside my expertise. It was insidious, because each time I struggled harder to do a great job and get results, and the moment I did, I was set a more out-of-left-field task. So I felt less competent, even though I knew what they were doing. And as I interviewed for other jobs, that insecurity came through to the potential new empolyers and undermined my efforts to leave.
Again, it gives me joy to hear someone esle escaping such a toxic environment.
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PPE FTW 
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I’m not OK.
Last week I posted something that was unacceptable to all the persons here. The post was removed.
I eff-ed up. I’m sorry.
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Can’t speak for all, and do not recall your post, but I can say most of us have fucked up at times. Frequently due to misunderstanding our own privilege or failing at clever, but it happens. The key is to take the lesson and try to be better. Nobody is born perfect. Ancient wisdom: Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement.
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Thanks. Point blank: I was inebriated and posted something I thought would convey a greater message. It did not and the sting from the consequences caused me to go radio silent & contemplate my actions.
I don’t want to lose my place; this is a diverse group of Mutants and I just got here (relatively speaking).
I’ll be more cognizant next time.
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I realized that it has been at least a year since I’ve been in touch with anyone I could plausibly describe as a ‘friend’ above the level of ‘reasonably amicable social niceties at work’; and I’m having a hard time remembering the last time I went outside to do anything aside from work or errands.
I do some stuff at work, though it’s mostly treading water, because the prospect of getting fired is definitely one of the sources of extrinsic motivation of all time; but on the side of personal projects I’ve found pretty much anything, even trivial-effort diversions like video games, beyond puttering around on the internet to be unapproachable.
I think that’s a no.
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I’m so sorry.
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Just a screed about how things are going…
Please note that this is not a personal attack on folks here at BoingBoing, but simply a summation of how – despite a couple of windfall payments – I’ve been experiencing a slow downhill slide since the end of pandemic unemployment pay.
For the 2022 tax year, I was able to claim an annual income of $5,849 – far short of what I would have made as a minimum-wage PART-TIME employee in most any entry-level job in San Diego ($17,212). Despite a couple of windfall payments this year, I am still tracking at LESS THAN HALF of what I would earn as a minimum-wage part-time employee for the 2023 tax year. As a result, I am struggling at trying to maintain a semblance of normal life and dispense with the financial issues for which I am responsible, and it’s only been tracking downward.
I have been out of the “jobby-job”, “working for the man” part of employment for far too long to go apply somewhere and expect to even be considered for any entry-level sit-down work, and my respiratory/asthma issues no longer permit me to do any work that’s strenuous, so “day labor” is not a possibility.
As it stands, I have a supplemental alternative to making enough to live but which would require paying Capital Gains Tax for my tax bracket but would still not be gambling or speculation in sketchy markets like cryptocurrency. I have engaged with it before, and could earn almost the same amount as a full-time minimum-wage job, and would not require me to do distasteful things like say, be a landlord or a day-trader.
For the most part, the only thing that is holding me back is lack of capital. If I were able to take orders for 10 paintings in a very short time frame (like, the rest of September), I could make a slow and stable but profitable climb into being able to support myself without needing to beg for handouts anymore. 15-20 paintings would allow me to jump right in and earn the maximum I could and be financially stable sooner.
I need to make it clear that selling one or two paintings a month does not accomplish this goal. It only keeps me stuck in a position where I can survive poorly and never advance. I need to earn enough capital to be able to make a decent amount of interest, and that requires at least 10 paintings worth.
I would even be able to clear my slate without taking on any new work until it’s all done.
I could get off EBT food support.
I could be able to save money.
I could be able to work on my own art projects (after finishing what’s on my slate, of course).
Most importantly, I wouldn’t have to beg anymore.
I also already have some passive income projects meant for print-on-demand, but for now I must finish promised work before I can tackle that. It’s part of the “my own art projects” category.
Okay, screed over. Thanks for reading.
ETA: There are some folks who have been waiting for me to send out their paintings. I just got approved for a low-limit credit card, but it’s enough to get those folks their paintings shipped. It was sent out on the 2nd, so I expect to receive it no later than the 15th, register it, and then mail out the packages.
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So, I finally got the brake pads replaced on Samantha’s bike, and the bicycle chain broke on the first run.
ETA: I have to come up with $500 TODAY. I’ve got a “pay what you can” sale offer over at Knoxblox’s Re-Animated Canvas for today.
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Step one - just assume your brain knows what it’s doing. Why am I anxious? Because my brain is braining.
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Saw my girlfriend on the weekend, the next day she tested positive for COVID. Now me and the rest of my polycule are all sick as heck. My gf has no idea where she got it, she works from home and rarely goes out. We all are careful to avoid large crowds and mask up if we’re in busy public places and such, and still got it. I hate that everyone is acting like this pandemic isn’t still a thing.
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My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week-
Fly into NYC on Wed. for a wedding with parts on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. (This part is ok) got to see Sweeney Todd by the skin of my teeth on Thurs. through heavy rain, Friday saw everything flooding so we had to skip the wedding event. Saturday not feeling great, but went to (outdoor) wedding. Very nice. Sunday feeling sick, isolate in hotel room. Monday mom (90) can’t get out of bed to go home. Call SIL, the nurse practitioner, mom goes to hospital via ambulance. We both have Covid. Mom gets admitted, I head back to hotel to isolate some more. Turns out that most of the rest of the family is now also positive. Trigger massive wave of guilt and anxiety.
Move to extended stay hotel so I can cook in isolation. Spend two days talking mom out of trying to leave hospital, despite not being able to stand up for more than two minutes at a time. Get as much rest as I can, mostly feeling mediocre. On my way to see if mom was ready to be discharged today get a text that our dog, at home in Illinois, needs emergency surgery. She does not survive.
Add in a saga of broken hotel toilets and getting a room with two beds on the first floor-the hotel elevator is also broken-and moving my stuff and mom’s stuff and the food (remember isolating) back and forth through the hotel.
It’s all been rather a bit much.
If things go ok, mom will be at the hotel tomorrow, and we will be able to fly home Monday or Tuesday. Not actually holding out much hope for that at the moment. Moving to Australia is just not on the books.
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It is the antepenultimate night of my living-out-of-a-suitcase summer, which turned into my living-out-of-a-suitcase-with-additionally-no-running-water-while-working-from-a-cellphone-hotspot fall. Fuck this housing market. I’m grateful to have a solution, actual housing security. And I’m grateful for the support of family and understanding employers that allowed me to navigate to that solution. I’m lucky, in that respect. I’m ok. But it’s been a shit few months. Fuck capitalism.
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