Attraction vs Objectification

Or that it’s a story, at all; the writing is so bad it’s unbelievable.

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In a nutshell, why I don’t generally read romance novels. I think the same rule applies to why many women don’t watch porn.

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People still study Romeo and Juliette as a love story even though it’s a story about how the hatred of two families ruins them both.

Two teenagers killing themselves is not romantic! (At least not in the way that we use the word romantic colloquially these days)

My niece once asked what “cute” meant (after finding out that it wasn’t only to describe girls) and my brother answered, “It means you want to squeeze it.” There was a big “AH!” in the room - that is what I’ve meant when I’ve described things as cute my whole life. The reason Cute Overload was called “Cute Overload” was because experiencing cuteness can be overloading.

Cuteness makes us aggressive. People have done (possibly spurious-seeming) studies on this. Attraction makes us aggressive.

So I threw out my one liner about men being too emotional above, but I really think there is something to it. When you have an emotional attraction response, can you acknowledge it, tolerate it (maybe even enjoy it) without reacting to it? My five-year-old can’t. Sometimes I see her physically moving towards things she likes even though there’s no possible rational reason to do so. But hopefully as adults we can.

But adults who can’t seem to tolerate their attraction to other people (or things) without acting on it also give a lot of cover to manipulative people who have genuine malign intent. Some people want dominance, some people want to destroy, maybe many just want to be free to spontaneously yell how they are feeling regardless of how that affects others (and lord knows I want to do this). The last group would be kind of harmless if they were just a few eccentrics, but they seem really harmful as a large group.

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In some adults, attraction also makes them aggressive. I assume this is why violence is always conflated with attraction and why so many sex scenes in movies/TV are violent.

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An example of the casual violence involved can even be seen in how many people, in topic after topic, presume group boundaries with other participants which have not been formally designated.

Such as “in our society”, “we in this culture”, “all of us”, “what we mean” - while not acknowledging this itself as the daily reification of imperialism. Calling attention to it often put the brakes on a discussion rather than inspiring honest reflection or acknowledgement. But honestly, what evidence is there to assume that a few hundred people on the internet represent one singular culture? And why do even relatively “woke” people get so defensive about being explicit instead?

Some may refuse to see the paradoxical parallels in framing a discussion first in terms of establishing belonging and dominance on a cultural/societal level, while trying to openly critique such processes and their effects on a purely personal level.

Like how many couples have The Police’s Every breath You Take as their wedding song when Sting has expressly stated that’s weird since it’s a song about a stalker!

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I admit. The scene in Mr & Mrs Smith where they beat the crap out of one another. Is sexy to me. Not that I want to experience it first hand.

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There was one couple that called into a radio show to have them play “Another day in paradise” by Phil Collins because it was their song. The DJ actually did call them out. “You know that song is about homelessness, right?”

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I haven’t really shared my thoughts on that particular aspect of this conversation, but I think that the idea that women read and men watch is probably highly individualized.

For instance, I personally can’t stand Harlequin romances, and I’m one of those aforementioned ‘rare women’ who will admit to watching porn.

Meanwhile, well-written erotica is a whole other distinction from romance novels, IMO.

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And ffs some of the worst writing ever put to the page. Somebody lent my partner a copy a few years back, and one afternoon I told myself, “hey, I’ll see what all the fuss is about…”

I made it about five pages in before I began to feel my brain melting out my ears. I didn’t even make it to any of the sexy parts, but I honestly don’t understand how they could arouse in the first place. I imagine it would feel like a child’s rewrite of penthouse forum… Which…

Just.
Yuck.

Edit: of course this had been covered.

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I do think that the recent developments in by women, for women porn will have an effect in the rate of women watching porn in general.

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People keep bringing up 50 Shades, and I just have to say… y’all know that is fanfic right?
A middleaged lady wrote it for herself and her friends on a fanfic forum for Twillight. (on her Blackberry no less!)
Its a “what if” Bella and Edward were older (not minors) and he was her boss and things were “kinky”.

And Twillight is already terrible written…

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Totally agree. I know many women who watch porn, and a specific subset of those who will readily admit to it.
I openly admit to watching porn too, but also let people know that I have to slog through a lot of crap to find what I think is least offensive and demeaning.
Even some NC-17 is problematic to me. I’m fine with Almodovar and even Gaspar Noe, but also think Blue is the Warmest Color would have been fine without the infamous sex scene, especially after hearing about the tension between the actresses and the director. Side note: I cried so hard for Adéle’s circumstance in the story.

As for writing, I’m really amazed there’s so much Harlequin-level stuff out there. Gag.

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Totally; that was my go to retort whenever anyone would bring it up.

It’s bad fan fic inspired by a badly written teen romance novel.

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Well it did allow for this wonderful video…

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Then there’s this song that people think is romantic.

Listen to the lyrics. It’s not romantic, it’s creepy and weird.

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Romantic IS creepy and weird, it is internalized imperialism as personal attachment.

There’s no url link, but a friend of mine posted a great meme on Instagram.

Image of “dick pic” overlaid with eggplant emoji

“I don’t date underage boys”

“I’m 29”

“Your penis isn’t”

:heart_eyes_cat:

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No, it isn’t.

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Not creepy at all:

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