Australian government's worst-ever state-secrets leak: accidentally selling filing cabinets full of classified docs in a surplus store

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The report glosses over an honest to God Australian hero.

In all of this, there was some bloke who was tasked with moving a filing cabinet full of paper. We all know how much paper weighs. This man knew, too, and he did not care.

He did not say, “man, this filing cabinet is heavy, something’s up!” He didn’t do what mere mortals would do and say, “we sure this is empty?” He did not look around for a lighter cabinet so his mates could do the hard one.

No, he understood the value of getting a job done no matter the challenge and he just freaking did it. It weighs 800 pounds? I don’t care, he thinks. Move it up that step out of the 1960s government building because no one built a ramp. Sure, that steel tread on the edge of the concrete’s going to make it a bit easier to slide, but you know what? Don’t care. This fucker is going to test the design limits of my steel toed boots. Don’t care. “Yes, it’s heavy, but thats why they called for me, the mover.”

Hell, he probably didn’t even stop to tell himself he didn’t care. He just did it. “I’m getting paid to move cabinets and, by God, I am going to move cabinets.”

I want to find this man and hire him.


“Hey, where is that filing cabinet with all those reports about the files that went missing?”

*Blood drains from several faces within earshot*

“*Sigh* Ok. Order another filing cabinet. I’ll get started on the report about the missing reports of the missing files.”


It is heart-warming to think that another nation’s government can aspire to American levels of dumbassery.


Anything about their plans to invade New Zealand?


Gosh, what a great deal they got.

So they lost files about losing files?
Well, I guess meta is as meta does.

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More likely this was a security-cleared mover who had been severely warned not to ask any questions about what he was moving.

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As an Australian, I love the government being embarrassed by this. But as a pedant, I do have to point out that this is not a leak. It’s just plain, ordinary, everyday incompetence.


From Collins Dictionary:

security leak in British
(sɪˈkjʊərɪtɪ liːk)
a leak of information that could endanger public safety
The theft was a potentially disastrous security leak.

Not necessarily a deliberate leak, but certainly a leak.

I’ve seen reports that the cabinets were thrown out because the keys had been lost. The bloke who bought them did so because he knew that the locks were easy to drill out and replace (and figured he could do just that and make some cash).
I also spotted this gem:

Others mentioned so far include Mr Abbott, who in 2014 launched consideration of barring the dole to under-30s

Now there’s a good way to increase your popularity with younger voters.

Maybe, maybe not, but I’m going to keep calling it that on account of the fact that I’ve got like four jokes already about Cabinet leaks that are readily adaptable to the situation and I’m too lazy to come up with new ones.

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