Automated transcription of a fax machine that called the wrong number


Originally published at:


For some reason, I read that in the voice of Dug.



My wife’s aunt once asked me how the paper travels through the wires. No joking. She asked me because I know a lot about computers.



I have no doubt that is 100% accurate. All those ACKs (i.e. “heys”) and iterative attempts to identify the recipient are exactly what I would expect from any sort of automated communication system.


My God is that what fax machines were saying as we unplugged them all?


Aren’t those the lyrics to a Justin Bieber song?


This definitely calls for some kind of dramatic reading or dubstep remix.


I prefer the transcripts that I get from my mother-in-law’s messages:

Dairy Queen Keys, I don't know.
(that voicemail had at least 30 words in it)


Lori Anderson.


They Might Be Giants needs to put this to music.


Are we related to the same person? My grandma once wondered aloud as I was watching (Merrie Melodies) cartoons as a child, how they got the animals to do such cruel things to each other.


Reads like a TrumpTwitter at 3 a.m.


If they released it as a Dial-a-Song their answering machine would gain sentience within a week, tops.


There’s a sad and kind of desperate tone to it.


it’s nick I’m… hey it’s… I… a new hey… kill them all… to get them… hey it’s me… I’m the hey… bathe in their blood… of a… I hey it’s… and a… purify them all in fire… honey bye bye now hey it’s dan hey hey it’s dave hey

Whoa, that got dark.


They practically have already:

The recording I have (on my cd of Factory Showroom) was first done on wax cylinder at the Edison Laboratory in West Orange, NJ.



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