A lubrication issue is preventing me from sitting down. I will stand here.
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Well, thatās odd.
Where did this come from?
I havenāt seen this amazing wax in decades! Can anybody help give me a bit of shine? I have a sixth finger that can pay you backā¦
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[āSixfinger Moeā promptly sticks his sixth finger down the monitor lizardās throat]
āWell, okay, if thatās your thing. Didnāt catch your name, by the by.ā
[Shrmurfgle murgle]
āOh, I say, please speak up. Donāt be shy.ā
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kaff! kaff! pppt!
[Claws at the ring for the See-n-'Slate. Pulls.]
āOnly meant to express astonishment, initially. But you knowā¦smak, smakā¦that six-finger stuff isnāt really all that badā¦ā
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āIām Quirky, by the way. I mean, Iām not āquirkyā, reallyā¦Iām really a pretty straight-laced kind of a guy. Thatās my name, I mean, Quirky. Itās the sound my clutch-mother made when my egg droppedā¦well, close to it. Really more like [āk-k-k-kr-rrr-iw-wrrr-kk-k-eeeee!ā] , but you try putting that on some of these forms, yeah? Well, anyhow, I guess I got off easier than the next egg, whose name was [Sigh.]. Kumquat. Quirky Kumquat.ā
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[The gently-ticking Bananaās newly-shined carapace seems to glow even redder, if thatās possible. Perhaps itās headed into the infra- or ultra- or hyper-red.]
āMy good sir, I do apologize! I merely meant to proffer payment for your kind assistance. I dare say your lizard clutches are much the same as our mechanical bunches, back on the cog-plantations. Many are the bunch-mates of mine who could tell similar stories, I imagine!ā
[The Banana takes a sip from his glass.]
āSo what brings you to these parts? We all have our tales of hardship, but itās rather more an adventure that we all crave, is it not? A break from the routine and hum-drum, an escape from the, shall I say, clutches of conformity?ā
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āOh, indeed, yes.ā
[Pushes aside the tray of rollicking steak fries.]
āWhat brought me here, you say? Well, sirā¦I presume āsirāā¦I guess you could say a rapidly expanding litter of twirlies brought me here. Theyāre the beasties that are at the core of the old hamster-type spin-drive I have on my ship. Slow starting, but no stoppinā āem once they get goinā. And ever so maneuverableā¦ā
[Flicks tongue over what I guess is supposed to be coffee.]
āāKinda like your mom on a first dateā, my engineer used to say.ā
[Taps claws on table. Tap-tap-tap.]
āWell, sold off the last one, and back to just the one, now. Not much else around for light-years, so it was this or join the circus. Again.ā
[Flicks tail, squints at the warning label on the Banana Ketchup.]
āOh.ā
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I understand that T. Rump has the most money, but does anyone else find it ironic that he also has the most science?
-Laundau
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Of course I have the most science. Iām big into science! And for the record, I donāt have the most juice. Someone had 25 juice. I had hoped the juice stat would have been manually adjusted for meā¦ upward, then upward some more, and upward again.
I notice also I have no listed inventory. Let me show you my personal communicator assistant sub-etha connection to my millions of fans:
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so Iām not even piloting a shipā¦and Iām surrounded by dancing vegetablesā¦and thereās only one other brother moose and his tagalong in this jointā¦
wtf was I thinking.
Well, at least I have the best looking exosuit for now.
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Think Iāll have a drink while I wait for my mission start time to roll around.
Anyone care to join me? Have a drink, share a few stories?
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A few stories? Like the time I bombarded Mars with a succession of icy asteroids?
Good times. Shame Watney wasnāt still around ā I think he would have enjoyed the show.
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Badass Space Banking, Spike mutters into his glass of miracle-gro.
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So there I was, collecting space isotopes, when my comm unit started buzzing. A ship-to-scavenger call from an undisclosed ship. Some guy who claims to have known my new exosuitās previous owner. Said his name is Maurice, if you can believe that. Sounded like a real space cowboy to me. Anyway, this Maurice guy apparently owes a lot of Juice to the wrong people and is looking to call in some debts. Now I donāt want to start any rumours, but he said there is a big stash of É tucked away somewhere on the Coleridge. Somewhere āwarm and cosyā. Thatās all he would say before he hung up on me.
Iām heading down to the infirmary to do some treasure hunting after this drink. Whoās coming with me?
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Pardon me, Monsierā¦Greenarm, is it?
I couldnāt help but notice the tremble in your quills. Something about space wanking got you down?
Seelo slides over a tall glass of venutian rainwater caught via honeydew leaves
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Itās 10 pm.
Do you know where your scavengers are?
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āThe anticipation is almost palpable!ā, said Dakota, as the scavengers wait in their mission deployment bays.
āDefinitely, whatever āpalpableā means,ā replied Browf. āIām anticipating something, and I hope itās a huge amount of safe salvage!ā
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Looks around, finds an unoccupied computer terminal in the corner
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++ SCHMOOGLE INTERSTELLAR EMAIL SYSTEM ++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
TO: Ā Ā Ā Ā EpsilonOmegaMu @ SiriusGalactic.edu
FROM: Ā Puppis @ BadDoggie.net
SUBJ: Ā Ā Vacation Photos!
Hello old friend!
I hope this message finds you in good health. You really
should take a vacation some time soon! I know that you
have the time accrued, so why donāt you get away? Surely
enough profs at the uni would be happy to make some extra
juice by covering your classes. Remember when we used
to take group trips every year? Weād all contribute to the
fund and rent a big place for the summer. I was looking at
the photos from our last trip together, when we climbed
up that mountain on that little planet orbiting Kolchab.
Rising early in the mornings, eating our meals with monks
in the village, the solar sailing sessionsā¦ Those were
two of the best weeks of my life! I wish it had been
months instead of weeks. So much fun!
Photos from my current vacation are attached. Can you
include them in your next mass-pack email? I donāt have the
new addresses for everyone and I donāt want to accidentally
pass anyone over! I know the family likes pictures more than
words these days, so Iām sending a bunch of them! Thanks
for sending them onward - Iām hoping that the current
govāt internet system is robust enough to handle such big
files. Hope to see you soon! I miss you.
-Puppis
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++END TRANSMISSION+++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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