Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round Six

We need to hit the Citadel again.

Now that we’ve got the key to the Ark’s galley, we should probably restock it. Wayne and Stark had prestocked the galley with foodstuffs that appealed to their somewhat esoteric and rarefied palates, so if we don’t want to gobble truffles and caviar and swig 40-year-old Laphroaig single-malt every single day (maybe just on days with an R in them), we should see if we can scavenge anything from the Citadel’s kitchen. And while we’re there and the place is empty, I want to rifle through the basement vaults. Fleetwood was the greatest junk collector in the history of junk, and a packrat like that is bound to have some interesting and valuable things in his sanctum sanctorum beneath the Citadel.

Rumor has it the lower levels of the building are haunted by the tormented ghosts of hundreds of laborers who died during the Citadel’s construction a century ago. I know that Fleetwood himself hasn’t dared go down there in quite a while, so I’m inclined to take those rumors seriously. Billy and his proton pack will accompany us on this mission, but even though he has experience with this sort of thing, I’m not sure he’s dealt with quite so many unhappy specters in such a confined space before. In addition to the fear factor, we’re going to be dealing with poltergeists as well, so you’re going to need top-notch ENgineering to get through this without your ride falling apart. And believe me, you don’t want to get stranded down there. Even if you find a stack of 100 LPs and an invisible jet down there, if your EN gets defeated then the nearest Driver will have to roll to save you, and if they win that roll, you get saved but have to split your haul 50/50 with your savior. If they lose that roll, your vehicle falls to pieces, you lose your payload, and you’ll have to find a new car (though your pre-Round LPs and existing gas will somehow remain with you). So buff up your EN before we go.

And it’s been too long that some of you have been suffering the reduced ManeuVerability (and simple unsightliness) of severed fingers. Our Mechanics in particular will need every digit they were born with to keep this train rolling, and we have some very important fine work for them to perform in the near future. We’ve just learned that Stretchbots are equipped to replace lost limbs given the appropriate raw materials, and it so happens that two rich depositories of these materials lie right next door to two of Hollywood’s fabled movie studios, which will also serve as potential sources for useful things. We can combine the studios and cemetery raids into two missions. The Burbank run will be slightly easier.

The Forest Lawn cemetery is populated by a sizable crowd of fairly generic zombies, but they’re separated from the Warner Bros Studio by the L.A. Riverbed, so once you duck in and grab some rotted flesh and finger templates and duck out, they won’t be able to follow you. The Warner Bros Studio across the river ditch is still guarded, but whether you outrun the guards with SP or just overwhelm them with superior FP, you should be able to get in. Find the garage and see what’s inside. We definitely need the Cadillac ambulance known as Ecto-1 if it’s there, and it’ll need to be towed by a Mule, as it doesn’t run. Once you’ve declared for this mission, if you’re not the Ectowing Mule (ha ha), you’ll be PMd a description of a car you find in the studio garage, and you can decide whether to trade your current ride for it, or keep what you have. Not all the new vehicle’s attributes will be immediately apparent until you take the car as yours, so it’s a bit of a crapshoot, but you should be able to make an educated guess. Of course, Mechanics will be able to make a more educated guess, since they’re so smart about the automotive arts; they’ll know more of a given vehicle’s attributes in advance. Will a non-Mechanic be able to consult a Mechanic for advice? Depends on if a Mechanic is present, of course.

The Hollywood Run is very similar, but more dangerous. Hollywood Forever’s boneyard has a longstanding blood condition: rather than zombies you’ll find vampires roaming within. They are essentially immortal unless you brought your stake gun…

…though they are quite sensitive to fire, so there’s that. Dig up some flesh and bone, and don’t forget the fingers. Then hop the wall to the Paramount lot, but use caution: the vampires work there, too. Head to the Property Department between Stage 17 and Stage 18.

I’ve learned from Marion that the old Stark Industries rumor I heard might actually be true: that a disgruntled Stark employee sold some experimental technology to the Paramount propmakers for use in certain TV shows and movies. Those will definitely be worth scavenging, but I can’t stress this enough: watch out for the Hollywood Vampires.

And keep your eyes out for things that might improve your FP:

Or your LK:

Or possibly your AR:

But don’t be tempted to pick up any old thing that looks like it might have been cool once, but will probably negatively affect your MV:

But once more, at the risk of flogging a dead Romulan, watch out for the vampires, even the salt variety:

Mission One: The Haunted Citadel

Join Cougar and Billy Murray as they fire up the particle accelerator and raid the Citadel’s kitchens and basement for nonperishable foodstuffs and rare loot.

Mission Costs:

Fuel. 40 miles round trip, including basement exploration (those catacombs are enormous). Scouts will use 1 gallon of gas, Escorts 2 gallons, Mules and Mechanics 4 gallons.


Creepy ghosts will try to scare you away, but high FP and AR stats will embolden you and reduce the chances of you dissolving into a panic-stricken puddle. Poltergeists will take swipes at your ride, and only high EN can protect you from those.


20LP, and potential loot such as gas cans, weapons, rare sneakers (to boost SP and MV, of course), god knows what all.

Mission Two: Warner Bros and Forest Lawn

Dig up corpseflesh and fingers from the Forest Lawn boneyard (watch out for zombies), then hop the river and infiltrate the WB picture car garage to see what you can find. If you’re a Mule, high EN will help your roll to see if you find the Ecto-1 relic. If you’re not a Mule, you’ll get a chance to trade (up?) to a new vehicle.

Mission Costs:

Fuel. 10 miles round trip, but driving around the cemetery and eluding studio security will contribute to your fuel consumption being rounded up to the nearest gallon. Nobody owns pint or quart fuel containers anyway.


Zombies while in the graveyard, studio security at WB. And you might possibly pick a car that doesn’t ultimately strike you as an overall improvement. They’re picture cars, after all.


15LPs, plus maybe A New Car!!!

Mission Three: Hollywood Forever and Paramount

Make your way into the ultra-spooky Hollywood Forever cemetery, and avoid the vampires while you dig up fingers and flesh. Then hop the wall and rifle through the Paramount Prop House to see what nifty space-age crap you can score.

Mission Costs:

Fuel. 10 miles round trip, plus evasive action. Also, flamethrower use will significantly affect your fuel consumption. But I wouldn’t recommend foregoing it here.


Vampires. Fast, scary, and invulnerable to most conventional attacks, though they cringe from fire.


20LPs and potential 25th-century technology… hopefully you won’t mistake the good stuff for the bits of painted plywood.

Edit 3/06/14 1:00 PM PST: added fuel costs


Hello, all. Really glad you came by. I’m Hollywood Stretch, in case you weren’t sure. You may notice that I look a little bit more cleaned up than the last couple of us which you dealt with, and you’ll find that I am more respectable than those fellows are as well. We are all 1950s Jaguar XK 120s, but those sort wouldn’t make it around here. This is Hollywood, after all.

Down to business:

  • I can repair you to 100%. I have a Chilton’s manuals for every car ever, so I’ll give you 1 HP per 1 LP, all the way to 100% repaired. I know that that’s a tad steep, but this is Hollywood. It’s pricey.

  • I have a 3D printer, and I can fabricate you new fingers. However, it’s an old one, which only prints pink slime (lean finely textured human), so I’m quite sure that the material wouldn’t be strong enough for the frame of the fingers. The most reasonable solution seems to be the selective collection of suitable finger bones from the nearby cemetery. Since those who are going on cemetery missions will be bringing me back bones and human material, to people on the graveyard mission, these will cost 1 LP per finger. To all others, these will cost 3 LP per finger.

  • I have hood-mounted flamethrowers for sale. These will be particularly useful against vampires. These count for +10 FP against everybody, permanently, or +20 FP against vampires. However, these run off of your own gasoline, from your own tank. This will cost you 1 gallon of gasoline (petrol) per 4 enemies you roast. The flamethrowers sell for 20LP apiece, and are stackable… but take note: the fuel consumption stacks, too. As in, adding a second flamethrower will cost you 2 gallons per 4 enemies roasted… but that increases the likelihood you’ll roast 'em before they get you.

  • I also have some of the classic zombie toes, though these ones are mutated. They’re good for +3 LK, and cost 1 LP each.

  • Given the danger which old Hollywood stars, starlets, and those in between, used to face, a turret gun was developed, to be mounted on the underside of each bumper, which isn’t noticeable at all. Since it fires only defensively, rather than providing FP, it provides AR. This will, in fact, give you 20 AR for each one. They cost 10 LP each.

  • Lastly, I have Wacko Glue, which will help out those parts which you didn’t know needing helping. Tightens all tolerances, and gives you +2 EN per 1 LP.

Well, it’s been very nice to see you all. Please submit to me your requests for parts and upgrades via the form which Jane (@penguinchris) will be posting. It has been quite a pleasure to meet you all.


I’m leaning towards Mission 1 right now, seen enough downtown LA to last me a bit. And my momma always told me that if we didn’t have anything in the pantry, ain’t no point worryin’ much about anything else.

Unless some folks need some escorting, Channing will probably take a swing at Mission 1.

Ghosts aren’t that bad. Pretty confused most of the time, but mostly harmless. Just don’t listen to them. They give out terrible advice.


Hi everyone,

Here’s the link to my clipboard where you can sign up for missions and let me know about your repairs and upgrades.


Is the spreadsheet up to date with LPs? (I don’t think it is…)

Can’t afford flamethrower, low on gas anyway, and have crappy engineering. I think it’ll have to be Mission 2.

Do we have to pay up front for the fingers we don’t get back until the next round?
Also - are fingers a risk on Mission 2 again? What happens if we lose more fingers? Will we be able to buy them next round too?

Mission 1 - Badass Escorts to plow and and great engineers to to ward off the poltergeists. Holy Hell, this is tailor made for the Knights of the Round Wheel and their High Priest Clank. Risk - If this looks appealing, you probably already one of the best rides in the pack, and you risk losing it.

Mission 2 - Folks unsatisfied with their pleather and looking to upgrade to some REAR-CARO seats just might get a sweet ride. Or you might get stuck with any old relic from a long forgotten Hollywood dud.

Mission 3 - looks to reward anyone who invests the LP and the Gas into the flamethrowers. A gamble that you might get some sweet firepower, or come back neutral. Just don’t get bitten.

I know what you are all thinking: What’s Ol Junior Burton going to do? Well, being mule on Mission 2 looks like the most thankless of the jobs, risking zombie chomps and without the payout of a killer ride. But, I’ve got the most engineering of the mules, so I’ve got the best chance to find and bring back that Eckto-1.

Besides, if I’m successful, I’ll get something that LP can’t buy: Even though that Eckto-1 won’t run, it will still have a SHITGO seat in it, and I’m fucking sick of sharing my…



This doesn’t agree with the form. That says 2LP.

Says 1LP now. I guess @penguinchris ninjafixed it.

Going from current state of the spreadsheet

Missing bonuses
Chili - +15 Max HP
Ace of Spades - +8 FP +6LK but mechanics can only heal to 50%

HP as of last round 21/70.

Assuming my LP of 36 is correct.

-7LP to UAW for 14RP to get to 50% (35/70)
-10LP for the Bumper Turret for +20AR
-10LP for a case of Wacko Glue for +20EN
-9LP to Doc Hollywood for 9RP to get to 44/70

EDIT TO ADD, based on Wash LP’s.
-10 LP for another Bumper Turret for +20AR
-10 LP for another 10RP from Doc Hollywood to get to 54/70
-5LP for 5 mutatoes for +15 LK



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Okay, Junior, I’ll be coming along for the ride to Burbank. You either clean your cab up, or I’m keeping my distance, mind.

I think this is my shopping, awaiting confirmation from @JonasEggeater or @penguinchris as to how many LPs we really have.

25 LP to start with.

-8LP to UAW for 26RP to get to 100%
-10LP for the Bumper Turret for +20AR
-2LP for a finger. Since that’s now 1LP I guess I have one left over.
-5LP to Doc Hollywood for +10EN
(GMs, can I use that last LP for one more EN boost?)

To anyone who goes on Mission 2 and thinks about trading in, caveat emptor:

I’m not spending Dorcas’s LPs yet, I have no idea what’s happening with them.

Is anyone else concerned that we are still pootling about in the same areas? Are we ever going to get to Edwards? It’s a bloody long way away at this rate. Hey, Cain @Donald_Petersen Where exactly is the Ark nowadays?

We’re making progress. The Ark is right next to the Hollywood Bowl, roughly equidistant between the two studios. The Citadel is some ten miles behind us. I’ll update the Mission post to reflect fuel costs, since I forgot to do that, but I figure Mission One is 20 miles 30 miles round trip (edit: I looked it up) and the other two are 10 miles round trip.

We kind of have a “hard out” by April 14, since I’ll be starting a very time-consuming job around then. I think we’ll only have three or four more rounds after this one.

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Haha! Bloody vampires eh? Swiss Air Force used 'em for yonks - I never actually thought they were that fast.

You did mean the ones on the left, yes?

Mission 3 then, and blood guts and glory! Who’s coming along??


I used to play Poker up in Hollywood with a dude named Ed. He was one helluva card shark, and when it came to owing him money he could get down right evil…

But the last time we played I beat his paired up big slick with a full house of 7’s over 2’s, and Ed was pissed! He splashed all his chips in the pot, and flipped the table over as he stood up! The S.O.B. screamed in my face that I would be sorry and then jumped out of the closed third story window, smashing straight through the glass! I never got to cash out those chips for LP’s…

This guy still owes me:

So I’ll be going to Hollywood for sure, and I want some big time payback!


Wash ( @JonasEggeater) suggested to me a couple days ago that everyone who ran a mission last round should have an additional 25 LPs, but not sure, I don’t trust that guy.

(sorry for the ambiguity… please assume you have 25 LPs more than the sheet says, if that’s wrong we’ll take care of it out of Wash’s LP stash)

The problem for me seems like I never got the ones taken out from the last mission…

Yeah, like nana says, I still have the total from before the last round. So I guess everyone does.

Damage from Rd 5 hasn’t been applied either.

You’re playing cards with Jack (@funruly). You need a dealer.

I spent some time in Atlantic City long, long ago when I was working in a local college town. Some say I was counting cards, but I’ll never admit to it. That said, I do enjoy card-based games of chance. And I happen to have this perfectly ordinary deck right here [one-handed shuffle] that I would see fit to using to help you both get to the bottom of this [riffle shuffle]. So I tell you what, you let me know what you want to play and we’ll get to the bottom fairly quickly [strip shuffle]. Blackjack? Texas Hold 'Em? Go Fish? Mexican Stud?

Pick your poison. [fans cards out]

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Well, I’ve bloody spent mine. Cleaned out Perky’s glovebox (lovely thing, that is! Glovebox! No drinks holders, no useless device connectors, just about room for a pair of racing gloves and an oil-stained copy of “Potter on Gamesmanship”). Didn’t find any LPs in there.