Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round 1


Here are the stats of everyone who has signed in so far. (@Mister44, where are yoooooou?) As a reminder, here are what the abbreviations mean:

Max HP: the number of HP you can have with your current equipment in top condition. Upgrades can increase this, repair alone can not.
HP: your current Hit Points
FP: FirePower
AR: ARmor
SP: SPeed
TQ: TorQue
MV: ManeuVerability
EN: ENgineering (build quality, a form of resistance to damage, is part of this)
LK: LucK
RP: RePair, a binary on/off depending on whether you're a Mechanic or not.
LI: LIteracy, just like Repair
LP: number of License Plates. You all start with the two on your vehicle.

You can always view updated stats at the Updated Stats Page here, but here's a current screenshot, which I'll always post in-thread:

Click to embiggen if your eyes are worse than mine.

And next come the Round 1 missions!

Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Sign up here!

Word has reached what’s left of your ears: Cougar and her partner Blazer are pulling off a job. They say they’re in it to find a better life for their kid, but who buys that kind of sentimental bullshit these days? You go way back with Blazer, though it seems it’s mostly Cougar who’s running the show this time, and you don’t know her all that well. But you’re in. You have your own reasons for joining up, and maybe you’ll be upfront with those reasons or maybe you won’t, but what with one thing another, you decide to head down to the rendezvous in Huntington’s Bitch and see what happens.

But it'll be a bit of a trip, depending on where you're starting from. If you happen to be north of Los Angeles, you'll be coming by way of Hollywood. If you're currently to the south, you'll be passing through San Diego. And if you're starting from Points East, there's no real way to avoid coming through Riverside.

Blazer and Cougar recognize the risks you're taking to come out here, so they want to make the trip worth your while. If you've been out here any length of time, you know that old world money is useless (the paper stuff burned and the coins are so small they keep sliding irretrievably under the back seat), but a pure barter economy isn't practical, since nobody will trade mutant chickens for bullets if they happen to be allergic to radioactive feathers or freaked out by two-headed birds, so the state currency out here is a natural choice: license plates. Common enough to be useful, just scarce enough to be valuable, hard to lose under the seats if you hang them by a chain from your rearview mirror or wear them around your neck (Blazer, you may remember, hammers them into an ever-growing helmet around his scarred skull for safekeeping). Always remember to collect license plates from your vanquished foes, both the two from their vehicle and whatever ones they're keeping as trophies and currency themselves. Fifteen (15) license plates apiece will be awarded to each and every Driver who successfully makes it to Huntington Beach, and you can use those plates to purchase more gas (when we find a vendor) or weapons, ammo, and upgrades.

So where are you coming from?

1. Hollywood. The nukes were relatively kind to this part of L.A., but there was no shortage of freaks and mutants there already anyway. Now that all 3.8 million residents (except for you and your neighbor Drivers) have been turned into flesh-eating radioactive zombies (thanks, Chelsea!), you have your work cut out for you mowing your way south through their grasping, wriggling, gnawing masses. Sounds easy… except there are 3.8 million of them and only one of you.

Mission Cost: Gas. (Reminder: Scouts get 40 miles per gallon, Escorts get 20 mpg, Mules and Mechanics 10 mpg.) You all start with full tanks (10 gal for Scouts, 20 for Escorts, 40 for Mules, 50 for Mechanics), so everyone has a range of 400 miles except Mechanics who can go 500 miles on a full tank. But fuel consumption is expensive for Mules and Mechanics. Hollywood is 40 zombie-choked miles from Huntington Beach, so Scouts will use 1 gallon, Escorts 2, and Mechanics and Mules 4.

Risks: 3.8 Million Zombies, depending on your SPeed and ManeuVerability there is a ~0.1% chance of encountering each one. (L.A. is a big city.)
For each you encounter, there is a 10% chance of causing dents and scratches, and a 2% chance of more serious damage. If, by some small misfortune, you should get Bitten By A Zombie, do not fret overmuch. We surviving Drivers are naturally fairly resistant to the Zom-Virus, but bitten-off fingers will, alas, reduce your ManeuVerability stat by 2 for each finger removed.

2. Riverside. Nobody bothered to bomb Riverside, the Land of the Dirt People, so at least its denizens don’t glow in the dark, and what teeth they have aren’t in danger of falling out when they get embedded in your skin. But they are hungry, and intelligent, and armed. And they’re tenacious. Having always wanted to see an ocean (and perhaps another planet), there’s a decent chance some might get close enough to hitch a ride on you all the way to Huntington, which would be socially awkward at best and likely result in immediate combat upon arrival against the hitchhikers by all Drivers from Riverside. While everyone else looks on and laffs.

Mission Cost: Gas. Your fill-up point in Riverside is 60 miles from Huntington, so Scouts will use 1.5 gallons, Escorts 3, and Mechanics and Mules 6.

Risks: 25 Hitchhiking Rednecks with a 25% chance of hitting you with weak/no weapons, but 10% chance of making a hitch.
4 Pickup Trucks Full Of Rednecks, 50% chance of a hit but small damage. 5% chance of critical hit.

If you survive the above having lost less than 40% of your HP, a monster truck may be (depending on the dice) awoken from its slumber and you enter vehicular combat. Hope that doesn't happen. They grow 'em big in Riverside.

3. San Diego. America’s Finest City was largely submerged by the rising oceans. Your journey north up Interstate 5 puts you at risk of swamping by rogue waves, attack by giant mutated amphibious sea-monsters (especially near the “decommissioned” San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant, whose glowing “nipples” to this day still have not gone dark), and the odd sortie against the occasional carnivorous (and tire-munching) gilled surfer.

Mission Cost: Gas. Your fill-up point in San Diego is 100 miles from Huntington, so Scouts will use 2.5 gallons, Escorts 5, and Mechanics and Mules 10.

Risks: Several rogue waves that will hit you, but probably won’t do much damage. Number of waves depends on your ability to outrun them (speed and maneuverability). The damage caused by the ones that hit you depends on your armor and your torque (which helps you stay in control as the road washes out from under you). There's a 1% chance of TOTAL WIPEOUT - per wave that hits you - which is heavy damage, not necessarily death.
Two (2) Sea Monsters, 25% chance of tentacle strike, 2% chance of potentially massive critical hit.
Between 4 and 20 Gilled Surfers, with a 5% chance each of popping a tire.
If you survive the above having lost less than 25% of your HP, you obviously veered too close to San Onofre and are now Irradiated. That will leave a mark.

Here's a handy map for you visual learners, drawn by the Wasteland's Master Cartographer, @penguinchris :

Click to embiggen and animate, if it isn't already wiggling at you!

Safe travels, everyone! See you at the rendezvous at the corner of Skylab Road and Astronautics Drive in horrific Huntington Beach, California!

EDIT Forgot to mention: Mission Choices are due tomorrow evening, Sunday at 8:00 PM PST. Post your Mission choice in this thread, along with whatever tale you have to tell.


Two license plates? We has only one.

Good luck everybody! I'll check in next week.


Nice gentle start, eh?

I'll sign up next week.

So mission 1, you'll encounter ~3800 zombies, of which 380 will cause minor dents and scratches, and 76 will cause more serious damage. Any chance of numbers on that damage? With 30-50 HP that sounds fatal.

Mission 2 - no details on the monster truck but you want us to be down 40% on HP, and something similar on mission 3 and 25%.

Any chance of details on what critical hits mean numerically, also words like probably, heavy, several..?


I didn't do those calculations - @penguinchris, can you answer @daneel's questions?

I just want to clarify that those aren't Missions 1,2, and 3. Mission 1 involves you choosing one of those three options.


And my state requires 10 per vehicle, so I should start with a lot! smiley


Hi Guys,

Jane here. To make sure you all would be capable of making it out here to Huntington Beach, Cougar consulted me regarding what dangers await you.

As you probably know, I have been meticulously cataloging the mutants, cannibals, radscorpions, zombies, rednecks, radiation spills, deathclaws, gilled surfers, gangs and other factions, and other monsters and hazards out here in the post-apocalypse, from my 1969 Subaru Young SS:

(that’s how I imagine my imaginary boyfriend “driving” me would look)

Of course, since I don’t have much armor or firepower, I mostly hang around here in Garden Grove (adjacent to Huntington Beach) and most of my information is actually gathered from reports by other Drivers. You guys aren’t a very specific bunch.

It’s best not to worry too much about the details, but perhaps I can clear some things up for you.

When it comes to mowing down zombies, there are a couple of things to keep in mind. First, you won’t be encountering all 3.8 million of them. If you’re really fast and maneuverable, you may need to run down as few as 1,000 or so. This is based on reports from others who have made a similar trip. If you’re not fast and maneuverable, you can expect to hit 4000+, as they will be attracted to the noise you make and you can’t outrun as many.

I’ve attempted to determine how frequently serious damage occurs (things like bone fragments from resilient zombies you run over piercing radiators or lightly-armored fuel tanks). Given just the few reports I have of trips like this, my estimate is not really statistically valid, but hey, most of you guys can’t even read so how would you know.

But to reassure you a bit, your estimate of 380 dents and scratches and 76 critical hits isn’t quite right. It’s a little hard to explain but rest assured, you probably won’t be killed.

As for your question regarding missions 2 and 3, most Drivers on these missions will likely suffer more than 40% or 25% damage respectively. If you don’t, it means you attempted to take the easy way out, and there are always consequences of doing that. By the way, that’s the same in mission 1 - if you are bitten by a zombie the rest of the zombies will leave you alone for the most part, which is why those bitten by a zombie manage to make it through having lost less than 25% of their HP.

Hope this helps! Good luck out there!

p.s. I'm hitching along with you guys on your trip once you all get here, both to collect new data for my next edition and to provide you with all the information you need to survive in the wastelands!


@penguinchris, you posted this twice.


I deleted the first one, reload please smile


Oops! Good on you.


Do we make our decisions here or are we using the google docs or something? I've got a massive headache so I just can't think right now.


For this round, just make your choice here. In later rounds we'll have a form to submit.


Your stats have been rolled, and you've been added to the spreadsheet.


Ha! Looks like a bloody good gag, all of this! Best laugh I've had since The Avengers Re-Assemble, Again! Lost my trousers in that one, can't think how!


Did you use dice with all the sides on them? I think mine might have been missing some. I've got the worst stats in just about every category. Ironically, I got a decent roll under "luck".


Take note of the fact that your form submission said that you wanted to be a mechanic; stat rolls are based on your vehicle class (actually, you're in the middle in terms of Mechanic stats). Also, you can read and repair, as @Donald_Petersen mentioned.

If you'd like to change your class (seeing as how gameplay hasn't begun), feel free to PM me, and I'll change your class and re-roll your stats.


Nah I knew mechanics started low - I'm just lower than the other mechanics ;o)

I would have gone mule maybe, but given the background I am working on, mechanic makes more sense.


Well now, it looks like you have a choice.

This is Washington, reporting in. Not rightly sure what kind of name my family gave me, if any, so my name's just Washington. Well, I could tell you why, if you think I ought. I was found, one day, by some folks, and all that I had on me was a nickel (that's what they were called, right?), so I got called Washington, after the fellow on the coin. Good folks, I suppose, my pseudo parents, since I got taken care of, but it just weren't the same as being brought up by real parents. My real parents were long gone by the time I was told who I was. Still, better than not being found at all, of course. I came from the east, I think, but I'm not so sure, 'cause the first thing I really remember was being in the car on the way out here. The men that I think of as my parents heard about Chelsea, and decided to get the hell away from DC, since that was sure to be a bad place to be once the bombs fell.

Well, I guess that Washington's a hell of a long name, so I suppose you can just call me Wash. Anyhow, I just drive around these wastes in my 1974 Bond Bug, and I'm a pretty good scout. Keep to myself, mostly, so you ain't really gonna see me around a lot. But sometimes, I might stop in to give you a hand. So anyways, my car. It's a 1970 Bond Bug, like I said, but it's been pretty decked out, and it's got a big damn thunderbolt painted on the side. I call it my lightning bug, but I suppose that you people call lightning bugs fireflies around here. Anyhow,that's neither here nor there.

Wait, was I talking about? Dang it all, I can't even remember. My damn brain is so addled that I can't really think straight.


You're lower than two mechanics, generally, and higher than one. You'll do alright; mechanics are quite different from the other classes.


~Clank has a look over the maps and the hazards that have been outlined.~

Seein' as how I'm not too much diffrent from those rednecks in Riverside, I'm gonna take that route. If they do decide to try to hitch a ride, I might be able to just talk 'em out of it, since we speak the same language, mostly.

I'm hoping' my oil slick dispenser ((ooc: soft declaration there if those can be purchased later)) might deter pursuit from the pickup trucks, and if I run into that monster truck, well, I'm just gonna havta tuck my tail and light out like a skeered rad-puppy.

~Clank gets on the radio~

If anyone else wants to take the Riverside route into Huntington's Bitch, Ima gonna give 'er a try. Wanna join up and make it a convoy?