Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round 2 Results! (at long last)


#1

Prologue to Mission 1b:

Down at the end of Nasa Road lies a large concrete circle, devoid of signs of life. A sizable rectangular hatch stands open. All is still.

A preternaturally well-preserved 1972 Chrysler Imperial makes its way slowly down the drive, curb feelers flicking at the dried-up weeds alongside the road. Momo arrives at the mysteriously open hatch up top and rolls to a cautious stop. She peers owlishly at it for a bit, then, not wanting to be rude and enter someone’s home unannounced, halloos down the hatchway:

This has an un-subtle effect.

Hearing the deafening noise and smoke coming up the tunnel, Momo murmurs "Perhaps it’s not the best time, " and quietly performs a precise 9-point turnabout and returns to the Ark.


Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round 2
#2

It is said that War never changes. Tell that to the very few veterans of the last few conventional wars of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries who also managed to survive Chelsea’s little tantrum. Finally, humanity had discovered what a war to end all wars looked like. Every lethal confrontation that followed was nothing more than serial murder and skirmishes at worst, just because there were so very few people left to fight. We’d lost the capacity to mount even the most minor war as surely as we’d lost the capacity to put together a formal ball.

Wars need living bodies to devour, and there were so few of us left to kill.

Maybe War could finally take a break from his aeons of rampage, lay down his axe, and catch his breath after an age of hard work. Ah, but Death wasn’t finished yet. Not with us.

We had chosen our champions well. Not one of them was foolish enough to roll down the heavily-guarded throat of the Stark Skunkworks (well, one of them… aw, never mind, we’ll get to that), and the back-door raid started off, at least, without a hitch.

Jack Burton, Jr. played to his strengths after Baltar’s keen eyes spotted the well-camouflaged outlines of the hatch. Jack the Knife Boyer’s old Imperial rolled up, and its cavernous trunk yielded up an impact drill with a stout masonry bit. Some quick drilling, a couple of well-placed lag screws, some stout tow chain, and Junior eased forward in granny gear, gently and as near-silently as possible inching the decade-shut hatch open. Knife engaged the hatch’s prop rods, and everyone peered down the darkened tunnel… and listened.

Near-silence. A faint skittering from the darkest corners, but nothing too alarming yet.

Baltar and Larsson, as Scouts, took point, ready to reconnoiter and report back. The sealed-beam headlights of the Cobra and Volvo revealed nothing but a dust-free floor stretching away into blackness. They indicated as such, and the squad rolled forward. All talk occurred in urgent whispers. Locked doorways appeared at regular intervals, Mad Dog the Mechanic interpreting the strange runes inscribed thereon to the baffled Drivers. “’Launch Control’. Probably nothing in there. ‘Women’. Nah, that’s the shitter, Jack, not an advertisement. ‘Custodial’. Nope.”

Baltar froze.

“Sven, what’s that?”

“Looks like å Gøøgler.”

“The hell’s that?”

“You know… Gøøgler. The sjelf-driver äutø-cjar?”

“What’s it doing down here?”

“I t’ink rechårging.”

“Well, don’t wake it up. Knife, can you disable those motion sensors up there from way back here?”

“On it. Junior, can you make a little room there? Jesus, that fat ass of yours takes up a lot of room down here.”

“Kiss it if you admire it so much, Knife. Ssshhh!! What’s that?”

Everyone froze, ears straining to locate the faint skittering that now seemed to come from behind them as well as ahead. The sound was not repeated, and the Drivers relaxed a bit. Jack began to make room for Knife to pull past. “Seems like ol’ Cougar’s intel was past its sell-by date. I don’t think…”

Heeellllooooooooo….?

The corridor lit up instantly with spinning lights and emergency strobes as a deafening klaxon sounded the alarm. Simultaneously a high-pitched screaming came shooting down the hallway in front of them, the faint skittering grew to a squicky avalanche of tiny articulated titanium feet, and the two Googlecars hummed to life.

The sudden aural assault of noises, all of which meant immediate peril, startled the Drivers into cries of alarm. Sir Gonville De’Ath hit his head on his door pillar, sustaining a nasty bruise. Clankenstein’s van backed into Hunter Channing, eliciting a stream of furious profanity from the Escort. Bill the BUM’s blind instinct drove him forward down the tunnel into the first of the howling, tearing Screamers. And Jack Burton was so badly startled by the explosion of noise that his own bowels exploded into the SHITGO intake, causing a burst of overly-enriched fuel mixture that resulted in a titanic backfire from his stacks, directly into the corridor’s fire-suppression sensors.

Now a fresh set of alarms blared, the overhead sprinklers burst forth with foul-smelling water that had stagnated in the plumbing for over a decade, drenching the Drivers and the Googlers as they attempted to withdraw from their charging sockets and engage the intruders with high-voltage tasers and antipersonnel chainsaw blades extended.

There was a flash of light, a burst of ozone-scented air, and the short circuit exploded the battery in one of the Googlers, raining destruction and a flaming shockwave throughout the cramped tunnel.

Jack “Knife” Boyer’s ’68 Chrysler was directly next to the Googler when it exploded.

Hunter Channing and Sir Gonville emitted twin war cries of rage and vengeance, and the battle was joined. The Armor-Plated Cockroaches were everywhere, infesting the SHITGO engines and gnawing on the armor of all comers, though strangely (and fortunately) they seemed to have lost their taste for biological substances over the years. The Screamers did their share of damage as well, particularly Mad Dog Jackson and Bill the BUM, near the vanguard of the squad, before the last one was finally vanquished, its earsplitting shriek fading at the same time the sprinklers ran out of water and the intruder alarm died out. Silence reigned for a few seconds, broken only by the ringing in everyone’s ears and the sporadic dripping of low-grade fire retardant.

And then a sepulchral growl broke the stillness.

“What is this new devilry?” muttered the oil-spattered Sir Gonville, to which Channing replied, “Stark’s pet. Form up, everyone! Let’s take him on all at once. He can’t hit all nine of us.”

Well, it turned out he could.

A shining red and yellow blur sailed out of the darkness, full of fury and remarkably hard to hit. Junior, being the biggest target (though heretofore undamaged save for a nasty infestation of APCs in the SHITGO pipes) sustained the heaviest damage, losing 36HP to the furious four-legged assault. Knife Boyer’s Imperial, already hobbled by 12HP of damage from the Screamers and 7HP from the explosion, took another 12HP from the red and yellow blur, and it proved too much for the venerable old Chrysler, which would never move again under its own power, having suffered a fatal thrown rod through the block and stress fractures throughout the frame. Still the two-tone devil scampered from opponent to opponent as the Drivers poured a murderous fire at it, landing hit after hit in turn.

Finally, Sir Gonville saw what looked like a weak spot, and squeezed off a carefully-aimed round. The red and yellow blur broke apart into several pieces in a small explosion of plastic and titanium. As the smoke cleared, the Drivers beheld an altogether unexpected sight.

Freed from its cramped suit of bionic armor, a large cyborganic dog scratched itself in apparent satisfaction, then trotted over to the astounded Sir Gonville and proceeded to lick his face. A few last uncommitted roaches chose that moment to scurry up the Iso Grifo’s tires, but the dog’s muzzle moved faster than the eye could see and gobbled up the APCs, leaving the Iso clean as a whistle.

“Who’s your new friend, Gonny?” cracked Junior halfheartedly, but nobody laughed.

Exhausted, the Drivers pried open the doors labeled “Armory” and “Deniability Research” and loaded up Junior’s rig with all the contents of those rooms that were even remotely portable. Then Knife’s Chrysler was gently attached to Clank’s tow hook, and the party rolled home with its fallen and its prizes.

Nobody was convinced it was worth it.

“What I wanna know,” mused Bill the BUM, “is who the hell it was set off the alarms?”


Mission 1B

Desmond Baltar (Steampunk Banana)

    MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
31  19 34 37 63 31 56 19 15 0  0   8	Scout	

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 5 HP of damage. You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 1 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 6 HP of damage!

Dog “Mad Dog” Jackson (xdijio)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class
31  12 24 31 44 11 15 16 20 1  1  32	Mechanic	

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 15 HP of damage. You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 1 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 3 HP of damage!

Jack Burton Jr. (funruly)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class
55  18 35 54 36 70 11 27 12 0  0  29	Mule	

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 0 HP of damage. You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 0 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 36 HP of damage!

Clankenstein (davide405)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class
31  21 32 28 43 13 24 32 16 1  1  30	Mechanic	

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 0 HP of damage. You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 1 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 9 HP of damage!

Channing Hunter (gwwar)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class
53  27 56 47 43 54 41 30 13 0  0  15	Escort

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 0 HP of damage. You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 1 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 11 HP of damage!

Jack “Knife” Boyer (drman321)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class
29  -2 33 38 41 17 12 15 20 1  1  30	Mechanic

VEHICLE DESTROYED! You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 12 HP of damage. You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 7 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 12 HP of damage!

Sir Gonville De’Ath (daneel)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class
53  18 57 43 51 43 40 31 25 0  0  13	Escort

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 0 HP of damage. You WERE NOT infested with APCs! And, you received 1 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 21 HP of damage!

Sven Larsson, aka "The Swedish Chief” (Tetrix)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class
42  13 37 34 63 23 60 15 20 0  0  6.5	Scout

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 7 HP of damage. You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 1 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 11 HP of damage!

Bill the BUM (webiii1976)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
31  14 27 27 33 14 26 16 16 1  1  36	Mechanic	

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 10 HP of damage. You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 1 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 6 HP of damage!

Rip Torn Van Winkle (jlw)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
37  24 39 33 64 34 53 19 12 0  0   7	Scout

You encountered 2 screamers, which caused 5 HP of damage.You WERE infested with APCs! And, you received 1 HP of splash damage from cars exploding in the tunnel. Rex caused 7 HP of damage!


Back at the Ark encampment, Cougar and Blazer approached Knife’s Chrysler, hanging forlornly from the tow hook. Knife himself was only semiconscious, kept alive by the biofeedback loops of his SHITGO apparatus. Bill the BUM and Clankenstein caught Cougar’s eye and gave her a subtle shake of the head. The Imperial would ride no more.

“Jack. Hey, Knife. Look at me.” Knife opened his eyes, barely. “She’s gone, Knife,” whispered Cougar. “Your Chrysler is finished. What do you want us to do?”

“…Do?”

“You know how it works. We can get you a new ride. It’s L.A., there are cars and trucks lying around all over. We can reinstall you, SHITGO and all, into a new ride of your choosing. It won’t have any upgrades at this point, so it’ll be like starting over. You can even be a new Class if you like.”

Knife squeezed his eyes shut. His Chrysler… God, he couldn’t imagine being without her. He couldn’t remember the last night he’d spent outside her Corinthian leather-uphostered interior. And now she was so much scrap metal. Could he bear the thought of forming that bond again, with a completely different car?

“Or you can just go with her, Knife. We know what it’s like, and I couldn’t do it. I’m Cougar and she is me. When she goes, I go. But it’s a very personal decision, completely up to you. Hang it up and fade away and get out of this fucked-up world a bit early… or pick a new ride and fight another day. You think about it, then tell us what you want us to do.”

Knife nodded, Cougar squeezed his shoulder and moved on.

Sir Gonville De’Ath sat in his Iso Grifo, regarding the cyborganic dog resting comfortably in his passenger seat. “Hey, Rex,” said Cougar. Rex whined in recognition of his name.

“Didn’t you say you’d never seen Stark’s pet?” asked Sir Gonville.

“That I did, but I’d heard Stark mention the name now and then. Seeing him now… he couldn’t have been anything else but the Rex I’d heard about. What are you going to do with him?”

“Me? What have I to do with him?”

“Well, he’s obviously taken a shine to you. You could take him with you, though he’ll slow you down a bit. Those cybernetic implants are heavy. But maybe he could be useful. Then again, he would slow you down, and who knows how helpful he might be. You could take him out back and shoot him real quick, maybe salvage one of the weapons in his suit for your own use. Or I guess you could just let him go.”

De’Ath considered. “I shall think on it. In the meantime…" He handed Cougar a creased card of stiff paper. “Right where you said it’d be.”

Cougar nodded, took the card, then strode away. The crew from the Navy Depot run were coming in soon.

And more blood and transmission fluid will have been spilt this day.

(EDIT - added Results for @jlw at 7:25 PM PST, 2/03/14)


Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round Eight
#3

Mission 2

Everyone who came along with me to the Naval Weapons Station did well! I’m proud of you!

Except you, Honey! You showed up late and set off the alarm, nearly getting us all killed. I forgive you but you did kind of ruin my plan, which was to sneak in and then set up the guardbots and flame carts so that they would shoot each other so we could roam around freely. Well, luckily I had managed to set up a few guardbots to point at each other by the time you tripped the alarm.

What a thrill! The one I was holding erupted in gunfire, knocking me flat on the ground. I couldn’t see exactly what happened but it bounced several times, bullets flying everywhere (putting several holes in my car, and nearly missing me - dirt got kicked into the air all around me). Its bullets did knock over a few other guardbots, whose bullets also flew everywhere. Luckily, the fuel tank of at least one flame cart was hit, and since they were all still parked together, it set off a chain reaction which blew almost all of them up!

Predictably, all this mayhem caused some damage to everyone else. You might want to toss a few license plates our way to help with repairs!

While you were running back to the beach, flame carts hot on your tail, the rest of us got on with the mission. All the commotion did awaken five self-driving cars, which our trusty escorts Fink and Mike “Nervous” Snelvuur took care of, though it was quite a scene - a lot of dust kicked up on the big open fields at the base as they chased each other around.

Our mule “Word” was supposed to stay near the entrance to keep watch (and then come load up with all the loot we find), but one of the self-driving cars just wouldn’t leave him alone so he had to run around the base too. As far as I can tell they didn’t seem that difficult to defeat, just kind of pesky with their laser cannons mounted on those weird all-seeing-eyes above their roofs.

As we drove out, I heard one of them - smashed across the pavement - try to speak to me. I felt kind of bad, but I’m pretty sure these things were originally designed to View the Street, and you can’t get a better view of the street than what that one has.

Jacky Blacque and I managed to find a few things while everyone was dealing with the self-driving cars, though honestly I was a little disappointed in our haul.

We found:

  • 15 .50 Cal Machine Guns @ 2 FP each (I think these were from old Jeeps)
  • 8 Depleted Uranium Armor-Piercing RPGs @15 FP each (single-use)
  • 2 Decommissioned M-29 “Davy Crockett” Tactical Nuclear Recoilless Guns, but although I did find some rounds for them, I didn’t find the nuclear warheads. I guess I’ll hold on to these in case we find some warheads later.

Now, I did say that we would be redistributing some of our finds. But each of you will get a fair share. You can choose to upgrade for free with 2 .50 Cals and 1 AP RPG! Or you can do something else with them, I don’t really care.

We need to decide what to do with the rest (6 .50 Cals and 3 AP RPGs - I’m keeping one of those for myself). You can’t keep them yourselves. Perhaps those whose vehicles were destroyed in other missions could use a leg-up!

Despite the disappointment of the weapons we found, there is a… lead lining.

I think that the main purpose of the base when it was in operation (before the war) was a storehouse for ammunition. The “special something” I mentioned when looking for people to go on this mission with me is the main ammo storage bunker, completely concealed from the surface when the war started.

I found it once before when I had snuck onto the base on foot, years ago before the war (I was a restless youth in Garden Grove, with no money to go to Disneyland all the time like many of my friends) - there were no automated guards then, just bored humans. It was marked on a map I stole from the guard hut. I lost the map because opening the door to look into the bunker set off an alarm, and to get out of the base I had to swim out - they were looking for me and I couldn’t go out the way I had got in. This was before Harbor Squids infested the harbor, thankfully.

I found it again, and it’s intact - nobody seems to have known it was there. There should be an essentially-infinite supply of ammunition in there for weapons that shoot bullets (if there is another storage bunker for explosive weapons, I never found it). If we can get it out, we can store it on the Ark and none of us will need to worry about ammunition ever again! I know some of you are running low on the ammo you brought with you, from all the shooting you did to get to Huntington Beach in the first place plus the missions you just completed.

It’ll be a complicated operation to get it out of the bunker and onto the Ark, but more on that in a bit.

Fink (monsterzerozero)

MHP HP FP AR SP	TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
45  33 56 38 52 58 55 14 18 0  0  18	Escort	

Honey set off the alarm resulting in 5 HP of damage from guardbots and flame carts! You also received 7 HP of damage from battle with 2 self-driving cars (from which you received 4 LPs)! You can choose a free upgrade of 2 .50 Cals (+2 FP each) and 1 AP RPG (one-time-use +15 FP against armored targets), or give them away or sell them to your friends. You get 25 LPs from Cougar!

Jacky Blacque (Mister44)

MHP HP FP AR SP	TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class
30  23 28 29 33 16 14 18 20 1  1  32	Mechanic	

Honey set off the alarm resulting in 7 HP of damage from guardbots and flame carts! You can choose a free upgrade of 2 .50 Cals (+2 FP each) and 1 AP RPG (one-time-use +15 FP against armored targets), or give them away or sell them to your friends. You get 25 LPs from Cougar!

Mike “Nervous” Snelvuur (Kingannoy)

MHP HP FP AR SP	TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
46  35 60 37 49 53 47 28 13 0  0  16	Escort	

Honey set off the alarm resulting in 5 HP of damage from guardbots and flame carts! You also received 6 HP of damage from battle with 2 self-driving cars (from which you received 4 LPs)! You can choose a free upgrade of 2 .50 Cals (+2 FP each) and 1 AP RPG (one-time-use +15 FP against armored targets), or give them away or sell them to your friends. You get 25 LPs from Cougar!

Rideword “Word” (Solomon)

MHP HP FP AR SP	TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
57  45 35 55 29 51 11 19 20 0  0  36	Mule	

Honey set off the alarm resulting in 4 HP of damage from guardbots and flame carts! You also received 8 HP of damage from battle with 1 self-driving cars (from which you received 2 LPs)! You can choose a free upgrade of 2 .50 Cals (+2 FP each) and 1 AP RPG (one-time-use +15 FP against armored targets), or give them away or sell them to your friends. You get 25 LPs from Cougar!

“Honey” Mallone (kyntha)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
34  25 31 33 66	39 58 30 12 0  0  9	Scout

You showed up late and set off the alarm! Some flame carts chased you down the road, but your high speed and high engineering (we certainly could have used that earlier) mostly protected you (9 HP damage incurred) until you reached the beach, where your high EN allowed you to trick the flame carts into driving within reach of some nearby Harbor Squids. You then went back to help at the Ark What the heck, you did draw some flame carts away so I’ll give you 1 free .50 Cal (+2 FP) upgrade because I’m nice (unlike coughcougarcough). You only get 5 LPs though (the Ark rate).


Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round Four - Weapon Auction
Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round Four
#4

Mission Three Results

One after one, by the star-dogged Moon,
Too quick for groan or sigh,
Each turned his face with a ghastly pang,
And cursed me with his eye.

Four times fifty living men,
(And I heard nor sigh nor groan)
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
They dropped down, one by one.

I can’t help but recall that Coleridge verse when I think of the Marina Run. I’m here talkin’ and you’re here listenin’, and Earth burns yonder in the morning sky, so we got the chains somehow, fixed them to the Ark, and made it here after all… but what a heavy price was paid down at the marina, all for some lengths of heavy iron chain and a few pieces of death-dealing loot. I still remember the grim looks on the faces of those who returned from the marina that day. Whenever one of ‘em caught my eye, I remember the Mariner, the “ghastly pang” of their faces… and I wonder if they cursed me in their hearts.

The Smokers were never going to be much of an issue. Barbaric and stupid, they somehow didn’t consider it a gross misallocation of resources to burn gasoline all day in their idiotic jet-skis around the harbor… as if there was no land in sight and it was the only way to stay afloat. They’d cordoned off their section of the harbor with stout chains they’d looted from the Navy docks, keeping the mutant Harbor Squids from infiltrating their territory, squirting ink in their beer, and gnawing off their legs with those sharp beaks of theirs. A couple of squid-generations back, they’d become amphibious, and taken to strolling down the quays on their wobbly tentacles, looking for unwary Smokers to dismember and feed to their Queen, who generally got much hungrier than usual when she was laying eggs, which happened to be every Thursday.

Thursdays just like the Thursday we went down to the marina. If only we’d known…

Major Joseph Talleyrand-LaRoche’s Pink Panther engaged “stealth mode” by closing the open exhaust butterflies on the headers, thus reducing Pinky’s aural footprint to a merely headache-inducing 87 dB at 50 feet. But after years of bouncing across the waves on decrepit 2-stroke jet-skis all day, the Smokers managed to be deaf to the Major’s approach. Grinning with satisfaction at the foe’s inattention, the Major summoned the rest of the squad to “harvest” the harbor chains from right under the noses of the skylarking Smokers.

But with the absence of the chains, came the presence of the squids, who are not so easily distracted from their goals. Their hungry beaks made short work of the screaming Smokers… but it was a Thursday and they knew that Somebody would be getting hungry back at the nest. As the squad loaded the last of the chains into Long Haul Raul’s rig and began nosing among the less-decrepit vessels in the marina for salvage and swag, the Harbor Squids struck.

Slow on land, the squids depend on surprise when they attack the Dry Goods (as they refer to landlubbers), and sure enough, most of the squad were dumbstruck to see so many tentacled, gelatinous blobs wobbling down the docks, clicking their beaks and looking evolutionarily ridiculous. But laughing at the squids is a profound mistake when one should be running, and much damage was dealt to the squad by the mutant cephalopods.

Still, they might have escaped with only a few flesh wounds and dents had the Harbor Squid Queen herself not surfaced, screeching and burbling in hunger, accompanied by her consort, the indescribable sea monster known only as the Ancient Mariner. Invincible, irresistible, and vulnerable only to momentary distraction by the epic recitation of the Ribald Limerick (he’s a Mariner, after all), he proved the downfall of a few of our heroes. If he appreciated the verse (generally meaning he hadn’t heard that one before), he’d pause to applaud and guffaw for a brief moment, allowing his quarry to escape. If, however, he failed to find the doggerel sufficiently diverting, he’d seize the luckless reciter with a terrible transfixing gaze, while his mate impregnated the poet’s vehicles with her squamous, wriggling nymphets and the adult squids had their way with the bodywork.

The Major, bless his soul, thought he’d acquired over the years a nonpareil collection of bawdy limericks and jokes, and liked his chances to stump the squid-lord and get off scot-free. But when he started off “There was an old Bey of Calcutta,” the Ancient Mariner slammed a heavy scaled fist directly onto the hood of the Pink Panther. A watery, rumbling voice like the clogged plumbing behind Niagara Falls said just this: “No fart jokes!” before the Queen shoved her ovipositor through Pinky’s passenger-side window and spewed her famished larvae all over the Panther’s personnel cabin.

Dorcas McGee was the mission’s second casualty. Already limping with a mere 9HP after being heavily battered by the Harbor Squids (unimpressed as cephalopods are by land speed records), the TSSC Prototype caught the gaze of the Mariner and actually thought she might get away with a short tale about some fella from Nantucket. Eyes narrowing with fury, the Ancient Mariner personally chewed open the Prototype’s engine cowling, seized his mate’s ovipositor and squeezed out a generous dollop of fresh larvae like so much horseradish upon the TSSC’s intake manifold, and actually bit through the engine block like a hungry Dodgers fan at a ballgame.

By the time the wreckage was hauled away to the encampment, the survivors were less than jubilant, the marina was afire with ignited fuel-oil from the Smokers’ trashed jet-skis, and Mr. and Mrs. A. Mariner were on their way back to their submerged lair deep beneath the waves, feeling rather full and satisfied.


Maj. Joseph Talleyrand-LaRoche (peregrinus_bis)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
38 -13 32 35 59 31 65 18 19 0  0  8	Scout

VEHICLE DESTROYED! You suffered 50 HP of damage! You encountered 1 Harbor Squids, which caused 15 HP of damage! The Harbor Squid Queen WAS SUMMONED, but you managed to run away! The Ancient Mariner didn’t think your rimes were fresh enough and held you down while the Queen infested you with squid larvae! Gross! This caused 34 HP of damage! Wow!

bean (beanbreath)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
32  24 28 23 32 13 16 19 11 1  1  32	Mechanic

You suffered 8 HP of damage! You encountered 1 Harbor Squids, which caused 8 HP of damage! The Harbor Squid Queen wasn’t bothered by you! The Ancient Mariner liked your rimes! Fresh!

Long Haul Raul (Garg)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
56  10 39 58 33 66 10 19 23 0  0  30	Mule

You suffered 32 HP of damage! You encountered 3 Harbor Squids, which caused 9 HP of damage! The Harbor Squid Queen wasn’t bothered by you! The Ancient Mariner didn’t think your rimes were fresh enough and held you down while the Queen infested you with squid larvae! Gross! This caused 23 HP of damage! Wow!

"Gentleman" Jim Brassers (sarcadian)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
43  33 60 40 45 48 48 18 16 0  0  15	Escort

You suffered 7 HP of damage! You encountered 3 Harbor Squids, which caused 7 HP of damage! The Harbor Squid Queen WAS SUMMONED, but you managed to run away! The Ancient Mariner liked your rimes! Fresh!

Dorcas McGee (awjt)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
32 -32 25 23 44 11 23 27 20 1  1  26	Mechanic

VEHICLE DESTROYED! You suffered 64 HP of damage! You encountered 1 Harbor Squids, which caused 23 HP of damage! The Harbor Squid Queen wasn’t bothered by you! The Ancient Mariner didn’t think your rimes were fresh enough and held you down while the Queen infested you with squid larvae! Gross! This caused 41 HP of damage! Wow!

Bubba Zanetti (bizmail_public)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
38  17 37 29 57 22 65 31 29 0  0  6.5	Scout

You suffered 12 HP of damage! You encountered 1 Harbor Squids, which caused 12 HP of damage! The Harbor Squid Queen WAS SUMMONED, but you managed to run away! The Ancient Mariner liked your rimes! Fresh!

Bertie Gomez (Palomeque)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
65  60 37 52 27 52 18 20 13 0  0  26	Mule

You suffered 5 HP of damage! You encountered 3 Harbor Squids, which caused 5 HP of damage! The Harbor Squid Queen wasn’t bothered by you! The Ancient Mariner liked your rimes! Fresh!

Wizard (thewizardofwas)

MHP HP FP AR SP TQ MV EN LK RP LI Gas	Class	
44  5  52 45 46 54 46 28 16 0  0  18	Escort

You suffered 39 HP of damage! You encountered 3 Harbor Squids, which caused 10 HP of damage! The Harbor Squid Queen WAS SUMMONED, but you managed to run away! The Ancient Mariner didn’t think your rimes were fresh enough and held you down while the Queen infested you with squid larvae! Gross! This caused 29 HP of damage! Wow!


As Bertie Gomez and Long Haul Raul hauled the wreckage of the Pink Panther and the Prototype into the shadow of the Ark, Blazer stepped out of his cab and approached the fallen Drivers. "You came through. I know it took everything you had, and I can’t thank you enough for everything you did for all of us. We have the chains and a fair amount of salvage, and the Ark will be on the move tomorrow. We have you to thank for that. I understand completely if you want this to be your end, if you prefer to finally get the rest denied you for the last ten years. But speaking on behalf of the Train… we want you here. We need you. We’ll get you new rides, the best we can find, of any Class you name. Your upgrades are gone, so you’ll be pretty much starting over… but we could really use you if you feel up to the fight.

Call it a day and hang it up for good… or roll a fresh start with us and take your new wheels to Mars.

Just let us know what you prefer, and we’ll make it happen. Dorcas… Major… you’ve both earned our respect, and we owe you this much at least."


The Neverending Journey: Act I. ~CLOSED~
#5

Never did like bloody squid. They’re not fish, fowl nor beast. Underwater umbrellas that you can’t open. Useless things.

Thanks for the recovery, BG and LHR. Hopefully my pipe’s still dry. Anyone for a brew?

Calamari?


#6

I had a feeling that backdoor wasn’t going to be wide enough to fight in.


#7

“You want danger, I’ll show you danger, baby!”


#8

As I says to my friend when he lost his Peterbilt, “Look, I know it ain’t easy starting over with a new rig, but look at it this way: it’s a lot easier to get you new wheels then it is to find a girl with green eyes for Ching Dai.”

Damn, Major, this is some good calamari. What’s innit?


#9

A little something I picked up in Shengzen from a chappie working on DNA. More later, got to put a call into Asaf …


#10

I was just watching a nice film about having a pet dog.

Old Yeller, it was called.


#11

~Clank waits, an improbable coolant leak dripping from one headlight, as Cougar speaks quietly with Knife @drman321 ~

We couldn’ta done it without ya, Knife, you had all the right tools at the right time. I wantcha t’ know that whatever choice you make, this here Chrysler is gonna live on in our memories.


#12

I bet you would name any dog you found “dogmeat” too wouldn’t ya?


#13

Awww, but look at how he’s wagging his ickle bionic tail!

And those big cybernetically enhanced puppy dog eyes!


#14

Funny, I just caught a screening on A Boy and His Dog on an old iPod that someone had scrounged from the wreckage…


#15

Wizard doesn’t understand why his rhymes were stale. Wizard sees this as a defining moment in his life, and vows to sniff out the freshest rhymes in the land. Also Wizard is in a lot of pain.


#16

@Donald_Petersen Well that was brutal to say the least.

My hat’s off to you folks who lost their ride. It’s like a death in the family… But maybe, you’ll fall in love with some other shiny piece of metal and continue riding with us. (Hopefully a piece of metal that isn’t quite so squishy).

And speaking of squish. Think we should call these guys? I get mighty uncomfortable when there’s critters in my truck with more than four legs.


#17

Pinkie was a fun thing. Years together, thick and thin, noble in her resilience. Angry Hashid, furious Bashkirs, cross Anakazas, Pinkie thumbed her nose and carried on. Spitting fire.

So please I ask you, bowed heads and a moment’s thought for Pinkie.

Rhymes with bloody Squid-Inky. A moment.

~

Right, that’s done. You lot seem to have a plan, and I’ve grown fond of you. Hang about half a mo and I’ll see what I can cook up.

Meanwhile, anything I can salvage from Pinkie?

Land Rover are going to be bloody cross with me. This is all a bit embarrassing.


#18

Wow, some people sure took a massive beating, I might have gone for a heavier mission if I had my wits about me, however this was the lowest staffed mission so i guess they also needed me?

Since I already have two miniguns mounted to my hood (ain’t they pretty?) I’ll be depositing the two .50 cals (+2FP each) into the “Fallen comrades bucket” to help them get up and running again. I’ll also toss in two plates. Anyone else have anything for our unfortunate friends?


Door Game Meta Topic
#19

Condolences on your loss Major. And Knife. And Dorcas.

I think Land Rover would have been quite impressed that Pinkie had made it this far in the first place.

Very concerned I’m using up all my luck already. God I hate cockroaches. Found two in the glovebox going at it just now. Their armor is no match for my hammer.


#20

I assume you have a real hammer? Otherwise that sounds… uncomfortable.