Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round Four Mission Topic (finally!)

Now playing on the E.A.R.A.C.H.E.:

Note: this is a restatement of the Mission choices with quite a bit of revision and additional info based on fresh intel. And stuff.

Okay guys, we’re just about ready to respond to Fleetwood’s challenge. We can’t afford to ignore him out here in the open. He’s much better supplied than we are, and much more mobile since we can’t afford to abandon the Ark. I have to go talk with him at the Citadel and I need some of you to come with me. He and his people are impressed by physical prowess, so we got some showing off to do. Also, we might be able to get away with some interesting high-value stuff… assuming we can get away at all.

To review: I expect our “audience” as he’ll call it to take place in his “Main Audience Chamber.” It’s just the factory floor with the machinery ripped out and a dancefloor and a few other attractions installed. He’ll be trying to intimidate and demoralize us through an overwhelming show of force, and we’ll be doing the same. There will be contests of strength, speed, and skill. All so very macho, Junior, you should love it. But there will be more for us to do in order to survive this encounter.

First of all, I need Mechanics to hack Stretch’s severed head. Stretch will know as much about Fleetwood’s operation as Fleetwood does. In order for my mission at the Citadel to succeed, I need to know of any weaknesses that fortress might possess. Just in case that info happened to not be locked down, I asked the head ten minutes ago what the Citadel’s weak points might be. The head buzzed, sparked, smoked a bit, and spit out four corrupted, incomplete pictures. Blazer thought they might be random errors, but I think I recognize what happened. These pictures are clues, and one of Stretch’s authorized employees would recognize those pictures and figure out what they mean. Jane, take these pictures to the Scouts and see if they recognize any of the locations. I have no doubt that key information can be found at these locations, if we can only figure out where they are. They’ll need to travel fast.

The Mechanics will need to hack the head and see if they can extract more information. Whatever they find should be forwarded to the correct people. Citadel weaknesses should be sent to me and everyone on Mission One (labeled properly, those posts can go here in this thread). Location data should be forwarded to the Scouts so they don’t drive all over creation trying to figure out where those pictures are from and what missing info they’re supposed to contain.

In the meantime, we’ve been directly threatened by the Toecutter. This threat was not expected, and so we’re going to raise the pay for those who choose to stay with the Ark to protect it and the Mechanics during their hack. As part of his security suite, Stretch’s model line came equipped with a force-field generator with a large enough radius to provide pretty good protection for the Mule Train and the Ark itself. But the effect is temporary, and difficult to engage through hacking. You guys will have to slug it out with Toecutter if he and his goons arrive before the mechanics are done hacking.

Mission One: The Citadel

This is a multimedia show of force. Mules will engage in a tractor-pull against the heaviest haulers Fleetwood’s fleet has to offer. Likewise, Escorts will be shooting skeet against high-FP opponents, and Scouts will be running another minefield autocross against Fleetwood’s fleetest drivers. All in good fun, and just as deadly as ever, since Fleetwood puts the “fun” in “funeral.” Fleetwood will speak to each of you, and ask you to tell him what, exactly, you think ol’ Cougar is up to. I hope you will answer in a way that satisfies him, for all our sakes. If all goes well, our Mechanics will send us intel about the weak points in the Citadel, which we will exploit to make our escape, in the likely event that Fleetwood seems reluctant to end the party. Mules: bring a stout tow hook. Walls will probably have to come down.

Mission Two: Hack The Head

This is back at the Ark, and is a twofold mission. Select one of two roles:

2A: As a Mechanic, apply your EN skill to finding out any info you can from Stretch’s head. Once the Mission entry form is posted, follow the instructions for hacking. Jane will coordinate this effort with the other Missions; keep in touch with her. If you gain access to encrypted information, do your best to solve the puzzle, and transmit any location info you access to the Scouts on Mission Three. If they find data for you, they will send it to you so you can enter it into Stretch’s head and see what happens. If you discover intel about the Citadel’s weakness, transmit that info to Cougar and the Mission One gang.

2B: While the Mechanics are hacking in the Mule Train, the Ark will need to keep moving, even if it comes under attack. Anyone accepting Mission 2B (or taking it by default by not choosing another Mission) will be simultaneously pulling the Ark and defending it from attack. You will be afforded extra protection if the Mechanics manage to engage Stretch’s force field, but until then it’ll be a slugfest between you and half a dozen of Toecutter’s finest. Keep Raiders from approaching the Marion crawler too closely. On no account will anyone be allowed to board Marion; shoot to kill anyone who makes the attempt. This is a fairly tough, unglamorous mission, but if we all get through in reasonably good shape (or enough of us do, at any rate), we’ll make it worth your while.

Mission Three: The Cipher Scout

Buff up your SP, MV, FP, and AR and get moving. Depending on the route you choose, a few Raiders may be coming your way, or some zombies might give you a chew. While you run & gun against them, you’ll be waiting for a location to be sent you by one or more of the Mechanics. You’ll haul ass to that location and will discover what is hidden there. You will transmit that information back to the Mechanics so that they may decipher it and forward the intel along to the Mission One gang. They may have multiple locations to send you, so stay agile, and watch out for zombies! As with Mission 2B, Jane will be coordinating these communiques, so stay in touch with her!

Mission Costs:
Gas. Mission One is 20 miles round trip. ½ gallon for Scouts, 1 gallon for Escorts, 2 gallons for Mules and Mechanics. Mission Two (both varieties) uses no gas (SHITGO only). Mission Three is 40 miles round trip. 1 gallon for Scouts, 2 gallons for Escorts, 4 gallons for Mules and Mechanics.

Mission One: tractor pull for Mules, stray bullets for Escorts, mines for Scouts, and everybody out to get you when we try to escape.

Mission Two-A: various hacking dangers like electric shock. Mild danger from Toecutter’s gang, increases if hacking takes too long.

Mission Two-B: Six Raiders. Your SP and MV don’t help you at all, since you’re chained to the Ark so you’ll have to buff up your FP and AR and hope the Mechanics hack fast.

Mission Three: A couple Raiders or a fairly sizable handful of zombies in some neighborhoods.

All Missions pay 20LP. Extra danger and/or extra valor will be rewarded commensurate with the badassery involved. Take a risk now and then!

Mission Signup Deadline: 12:00 noon Saturday PST (34 hours from now!)

Mission Signup link here


Right then. That looks like a bloody fun party!

I’m open to M1 and M3. M3 seems a more natural fit, as I’m low-ish on the FP and AR. Charity welcomed with a beaming bloody saluting smile.

Zombiemanship got me through the earlier mess, and there are apparently no bloody squids around to use Perky as an incubator, or whatever that horrid thing did to Pinkie. If I see that sailor again, he might well see the other side of me!

Haha! Let’s get to it!


@Donald_Petersen Cougar, how many people do you reckon would be enough to entertain Fleetwood? You know him best. If we only show up with only one Mule one Escort and one Scout, will he suspect something is up?

Well, take a risk you say, eh? I suppose that means I should just crash the party in Mission One. Hopefully Channing will find a few party favors on the way out.

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2B, or not 2B? That is the question.

Do I suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or take arms against a sea of troubles?


Major, my offer still stands for a box of Lucky Starks if you drop in on Mission 1 for us.

I’m still planning on taking a drive to the visit the big city on Mission 3 and see if the window bars I got installed will keep those nasty chompers at bay.

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~Clank: mood = resolute~

None o’ this changes nothin’ for me.

I’m still Hacking the Head (2A) and repairing as much as I possibly can to them as goes forth to face the foe.


Well, these ratios kinda depend on the overall amount of group participation we get. For Hacking the Head, for instance, all we’d need is one very clever Mechanic who managed to make no mistakes. Our odds improve with a couple more bodies. Same with Mission 3. We have four pictures to identify, locate, and decode. Heavy (but doable) work for one, if they’re fast and lucky and smart and well-armed and well-armored. Better with two or three, four would probably be edging toward overkill.

Mission One needs at least one Scout, one Escort, and one Mule, but can accommodate any number who feel up to the challenge (and can pull off black tie in a five-point racing harness). More of us will just make Fleetwood add another guard or three, thus somewhat (but not entirely) offsetting the advantage we’d gain by padding our ranks with more Drivers. Fleetwood expects us to put on the best show of force we can muster. At this point, I don’t think he’s expecting much in the way of subterfuge. His lengthy and massive grip on power has made him overconfident.

Mission 2B will have plenty of cannon fodder in the form of inactive players (we won’t let 'em die, but they may get hurt), but active players in 2B will have a better chance of scoring loot once (if) the force field is activated.


'tis nobler in the mind.

Plus, I might keep some of our somnolent mechanics alive a little longer.


~Bill: mood = subservient~

Where the Reverend Clank leads I will follow (mission 2A)…

…Praise to The Craftsman…

Haha believe or not, chappie living on Chelsea Embankment back in the '10s had these two cars:

Worked in the arts, you know!

Shakespearean quandary every morning, eh?


Right then. Scout needed for Mission 1, Scout volunteering!

Perky - keep yourself out of harm’s way, do you hear me? My last … my prior … my other … my …

~ wipes tear, subtly ~

Just you be swift, watchful and agile, right? Right.

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I really want to do Mission 3.

Load up on FP, zip around LA , and blast the shit out of things. Oh, Yes.

however, I believe I have the highest MV (80) , so I’ll do Mission 1 if folks think that’s for the best.

The top MV Drivers are:
80 Bubba
73 The Major
65 Jack “Knife” Boyer
50-59 five drivers

By comparison, the SP Drivers are:
78 Swedish Chef
75 The Major
68 Jack “Knife” Boyer
60-70 several escorts

I’m all ears.

–Bubba Zanetti


I’d originally thought we’d be able to get away with sending only a few champions, but it does sound like a show of force is a better use so a few little guys can scoot around the LA area causing troubles. I think reducing Mission 3 to four drivers or so makes more sense, as we’ve dealt with similar raiders and zombies like this before.

The important part is to get there and radio home to give you a chance to take down the citadel, not escaping from LA. Best to keep that Suicide Squad a little smaller…

Yes, and it freaks some of us out. Especially how you wear sunglasses.


Keep in mind though, the SP and MV challenge is only open to scouts. I would be up for it if they allowed escorts.

Unless we wanted to just show off…

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((OCC: I would love to do mission 3 but I am going to be a little tough to get a hold of this weekend, if an escort could enter the scout games I would be up for mission 1, I suppose I am back on Ark defense duty. 2b it is for me.

I am very interested in how the questions for 2b effect the outcome. That is a great way to handle missions. For better or worse we drivers have nobody to blame but ourselves no matter the outcome. That beats waiting to see what the narrator tells us we did))

Oh, there’s Escort skeet shooting for those with high FP. Don’t feel like it’s just the ScoutGamesofDeath.

Oh I know but my FP isn’t quite as high as some of the other escorts. Other folks would be better suited for that mission than me.

Tellya what, if you’re as fast and maneuverable as a Scout… why not pretend to be a Scout? Fleetwood ain’t gonna know the difference, and we certainly won’t rat you out.

If you think you’re competitive in that department, by all means go for it!

ETA: Other than the special abilities conferred on Mechanics, the other three classes are kinda descriptive, rather than prescriptive, when it comes to stats. The stat-ranges for the original stat rolls overlapped a bit by design. If one’s stats rise to the level of a different Class, one could actually change Class if so desired. I mentioned that way, way back in the beginning, but nobody’s tried to do it yet.

In any case, if your stats (rather than your Class) make you well-suited for a specific mission, then you’re qualified. The exception would be the Mechanic-specific things requiring Repair or Literacy. Mechanics themselves could, if they wanted, go on more action-oriented missions. They’d just die most of the time. And though Mission Three is aimed at Scouts (and the mission description calls its drivers Scouts), it’s not actually restricted to Scouts. Escorts who are fast and maneuverable enough could do that one too, though Mules would take forever. And Escorts might find missions that have more need for their heavier firepower.