Badass Dragons of the Wasteland - Round Six Results

Did we all really miss some cues for Clank’s disappearance? Perky is very, very concerned.

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You didn’t miss anything. You can’t miss what wasn’t there. ~hangs head in shame~ @Donald_Petersen has very kindly offered to re-integrate Clank into the storyline in a way that advances a sub-plot. I’m just offering a tiny, in-character transition for whatever choices he makes on that matter.






Clankenstein dozes in complete sensory deprivation. He knows not where he is, when it is, how long he’s been here, how he got here, what he should do next… and he begins to wonder if he’s still sure who he is.

Something… hurts.

He reaches out before him, and grasps the comforting plastic of the van’s battered old steering wheel. It’s been long years since Clank actually needed to use the wheel for steering. His psychic connection to the old Dodge is complete and profound. But Clank is a Mechanic to the core of his old soul, and always utilizes the simplest and most appropriate tool for the job; even if he lost all his fingers he’d fabricate a Brody knob with his toes and steer that wheel with a hook.

He reaches out to the ignition switch and gives it a twist.

Nothing happens.

He gives his headlight switch a tug.

Nothing happens.

Clank takes a breath, and bows his head.

-“Our Foreman, which art Ignition, Craftsman be Thy name. Thy creeper come, Thy work be done, on Earth as it is ever’where else. Give us this day our quart o’ thirty-weight, and forgive us our crossthreadings, as we forgive those who stripped those threads before us. Lead us not into temptation to overbill, but deliver us from upselling, for Thine is the Spanner, and the Driver, and the Droplight forever and whatnot. Ayup!”

And a lamp descends from the heavens and bangs against Clank’s roof before clicking into blazing, glorious light.

And the voice of the Craftsman speaks:

"Clankenstein, my son. Thy time hath arrived. Thou shalt sorely tested be, and only through the Mechanical Principles shalt thou prevail. Fail me not, Mechanic, and never shall the Craftsman fail thee."

The light goes out.




But no more solitude.

Clank feels like he hasn’t eaten in days, but the onboard pizza oven is still warm. A couple of reheated slices, a moment of concentration, a whispered prayer, some grunts of effort over the SHITGO throne, and the Dodge rumbles to life. Clank breathes a quick word of thanks, then hits the headlight switch.

The second thing Clank notices is that he’s still in the tunnels beneath the Citadel.

But the first thing he notices is the presence idling silently before him. The reason why he hurts so much right now.

-“Afternoon, Reverend. I’m so very glad you’re here.”


~Clank: mood = narrow eyed~

~The mechanic keeps silent for several long moments, considering what all this means. Clearly there’s a reason he hasn’t already been reduced to a smoking pile of spare parts and scrap metal, but he can’t imagine what it is just yet.~

Your idle looks a mite rough there… I think you got a intermittent miss in your number 7 cylinder, that or a vacuum leak. I could fix that up, fer a price…


Allright guysssz

I realizzsh that I’ve been drinkin’ and mebbe not thinking so clearly

Butt…but Lemmy and I were talkin’ about Clank gone missing.
Then Lemmy hands me a funny cigarette…

and I start to thinking that I can SEE Clankenstein, my brother from the Riverside run, so many yearszz ago…

And I hear him say…

And, well…

Well I miss you, my sweet Clank-En-Further.


I’m coming for you.

And with that, Junior takes off in his freightliner, with nary a single repair received.

Lemmy barely manages to climb aboard as Junior can be seen straddling his throne, in some drunken stupor, [like he was astride The Ark itself][1], willing it onward towards it’s destiny.

Above the growl(1) of a diesel engine belching the sweet sound of extrated torque out its stovepipes, a song emerged…

I torch my soul to show
That I am pure
Deep inside my heart
No more lies

A crown of horns
An image formed
The mark I’ve borne
A mark of scorn to you

Consume my love, devour my hate
Only powers my escape
The moon is out the, stars invite

I think I’ll leave tonight

(1) most abused verb of the round.


When your basement has a basement, it’s probably never the best idea go roaming around in the dark. Looking back at this, it could have been much worse.

That said, Cougar, Balthar thanks for the rolling start. Those poltergeists would have made mincemeat out of me otherwise.

After we got back, I looked under the hood to figure out why my battery shorted out, and I ended up working all night to scrape this stuff out:

What is this junk? Ghost Goo? I uh, probably shouldn’t have touched this with my hands huh?

[ *Channing blinks, then squints in the distance as Junior rides off * ]

Hey wait up Junior! We all want to save Clank!

Crud, my battery is still busted. Can someone give me a push to get the old engine going? I bet that knucklehead doesn’t even have a clue where Clank is.


You’re fixed! Hurry go after Junior!

~Bill looks nervous!~

“Ah crap, Baby-Girl! We gotta go with them! We got to rescue Reverend Clank!” Bill complained to his pooch pal… “If Henry Ford rolls out of his grave we will run him down too, get in the truck!” Bill barked at the dog.

Bill reached into his outer toolbox, and withdrew an 18 inch, Craftsman Steel Pipe Wrench, and he whispered, “The Craftsman, Makes Anything Possible!” and imbues the tool w/ +3 mace of Badassdom!

“Let’s ride!” Bill burns out, and races off after Junior!


Sorry… this should have gone here instead.

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Best footnote of thread :smile:

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~Clank feels an inexplicable surge of confidence.~

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