Bake: Cookie Monster bark

[Read the post]


I recall seeing this previously on BoingBoing but was unable to find it here. Fortunately I found it somewhere else. Still makes me laugh.


it’s as though you blenderized a thousand Cookie Monsters, rolled them flat, and baked them.

But then again, why settle for less than the real thing?

On an unrelated note, excuse me while I clean up these hairballs…




It’s a suitable doom for the new One Percenter Muppet Superstar, whom HBO has reinvented as a morality player with trite warnings about overeating for the new real-estate flipping Streeters.


HBO is not allowed to meddle in the creative direction of the program,
said Steve Youngwood, the company’s chief operating officer, in an
interview. “HBO has absolutely no editorial input or oversight into the
show,” he said. “That was very important for us.”

The obvious rejoinder is, “They’re lying through their teeth and they’re all just corporate zombies now because why would they risk their reputation by telling the truth?” But then you might as well go whole-hog and say it’s the lizard people’s fault.

I started thinking about the candy melts (with which I was previously unfamiliar) and suddenly recalled an ancient post about the Blue Smartie Conspiracy.

If you will, remember back to the last season of the Smurfs. It was in the summer of 1987 that the last episode of the Smurfs aired (Discounting Re-runs), and a scant 2 months later, Nestle’ candy company came out with their new Blue Smarties! I seems evident that Gargamel, an agent of Nestle candy company, finally succeeded in his quest!

Wait,… you say that Gargamel wanted the Smurfs so he could make them into Gold? True,… in the later episodes, he did try vainly to transform them into this most precious metal, but earlier in the show’s history he sought the Smurfs as a delicacy. And could the referral to Smurfs as “Gold” not merely reflect their worth as an ingredient to Nestle’s famous candy? Truly, blue Smarties were worth gold to the Nestle company.

And you may think; there were but one hundred Smurfs, how could this be if there are over a hundred million boxes of Smarties sold in Canada in one year alone? The answer is quite simple. You see, a Smartie is made up of three distinct shells; the inner chocolate base, a white inner shell (cocoa butter and carnauba wax) and finally, a coloured, flavoured shell, no more than a few microns in depth. Given the insignificant depth of the outer shell, and the resultingly small volume of colored shell in each Smartie, it is easy to see how, with a bit of dilution, one Smurf could easily account for countless Smartie shells.

There exists no concrete evidence to back up my claims,… the Nestle’ company has covered its tracks too well. There will be no hearing, no investigation, no justice. And the greater tragedy is that this is not an isolated event : Do you remember the purple Smarties? The ones with the cute little sunglasses? I ask you this,… what ever became of The California Raisons? How many more species have to die before we take action? How many more races must be wiped off this Earth for our chocolate greed?

(For some reason only available here.)

1 Like


The candy melts are almost entirely comprised of transfat.

I love Marcel Duchamp’s work anywhere, in any context. That man was so ahead of his time… what a punk (<— I say this admiringly).


This topic was automatically closed after 5 days. New replies are no longer allowed.