Behold the Drawstring Piglet Electric Luminous Concert Walking Doll Crystal Pig

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/12/12/behold-the-drawstring-piglet-e.html

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Inexplicably, I want one.

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This feels like an Alibaba find. All the products have ludicrously long names filled with every possible word describing it, ostensibly for SEO.

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Not me, I hate pigs.

You’re in luck! Available on Amazon as UKSAT Electric Vibrato Paragraph Leash Piggy Luminous Music Tow Rope Walking Doll Children’s Toys Educational!

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Looks like it’d be right at home next to “Funny Game Penguin Trap Activate”

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Lovely cartoon design, can stimulate the baby’s interest.It is the perfect idea for Christmas Gifts, Birthday Presents, etc.

PRODUCT DETAILS
1.Material: Plastic + Electronic Components
2.Power Supply: 3 x AA Batteries (Not Included)
3.Features: Music& Light, Pig Design, Walking Toy, Gift
4.Length: 5.91", Width:2.56", Height: 4.33" (Approx.)

WHY CHOOSE US
1.Cute pig design with a leash, looks adorable.
2.Make music and light, and the children can walk with it, very interesting.
3.Made of good plastic, impact resistant, wear resistant and non-toxic.
4.Educational toy to help your child develop the brain.

Notes
1.Due to the light and screen setting difference, the item’s color may be slightly different from the pictures.
2.Please allow slight dimension difference due to different manual measurement.

Read the fine print: it says “…slight dimension difference due to different manual measurement.”

Gadzooks, I think this means that these pigs are hand made!

As a bonus fun tip be sure and read the Amazon reviews for these amazing swine, they are a hoot.

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Nearly every Chinese product is hand made to a greater or lesser extent.

Often manual human labor for the entire production run is much cheaper than just the electricity to run the machines that’d do the job.

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Doge pig. Much wow?

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Bulbs shoot from its snoot
And vanish into darkness
It whistles like a root snatched from dry earth
Sodbustin’ rakes with grey dust claws
Announces it’s coming in the morning
This train with grey tubes
That houses people’s very thoughts and belongings.

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That’s the metal song I was looking for! I was all…can this be fearless capitalist liberal plural democrat fairly paying workers? And like, traction rope no. But if I need a mobile not fine thing that goes without loading an Amazon page per se… Thanks, McPhee & Co!

I love the ‘may emit light’ phrasing too. Reminds me I’m holding out for the sauntering version if I don’t have to have shibboleth enough for mixed PLA.

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This is exactly the sort of noisy flashy plastic crap that GirlChild would have loved when she was about 3 or 4.

Also, giant “F-YOU!!!” to whichever parent sent their kid to the birthday party with the “Talking Dora Electric Guitar”. (which I later passed on to a friend’s kid by just sneaking it in, then leaving it in their house when I was visiting).

“Inexplicably”; amongst potential buyers… you will not be alone. This thing is beyond reason.

I have a feeling that even a 1/4" discrepancy here and there will not be the reason to re-gift this.

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Is that Capt. Beefhart?

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The one and only

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Yep! @ChuckV realized Frauenfelder’s title absolutely could’ve fit into this Beefheart song. Go to 1:30 specifically: https://youtu.be/fkzC8RYT1vY

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