I know a girl (woman now) who got a 1600 on her SAT. Now she’s an interior designer. Guess what her last name is. That’s right you guessed it: DawkinsKilledMyDreams.
I remember when I was making a water bottle rocket and Dawkins took it out of my hands, and drank all the water with food coloring down. I remember him yelling “You don’t even know the Tsiolokovsky rocket equation,” as blue water dripped down his shirt.
It was first grade. I was busy in my classroom reassembling a digital alarm clock into an aluminum case, and Richard Dawkins saunters up, dope slaps me upside the head and exclaims, “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU WIRE A DETONATOR, YOU DUMBASS!”
I remember the time I was making a clock powered by a potato (natch) and he burst in screaming, “That’ll never scale to carbon neutral levels!!!”
Kindergarten. We were playing with cornstarch and water. In roils DawDaw and expounds, “Well looky here, little genius japhroaig discovered particles and lubrication. Bring in the marching band!”
Germany, 1439. Johannes Gutenberg tests his printing press for the first time. Out of nowhere a rift in the space/time continuum opens up and a British-accented voice shrieks “FRAUD! You didn’t ‘invent’ that, the Chinese pioneered movable type 400 years ago!! And what’s with the BIBLES, you ignorant…” (rift collapses)
A little off topic, but this is
wrath after all.
I knew you named yourself after Laphroaig, but had no idea how to pronounce it. My head-cannon pronunciation is “Gyro-Frag”, like a gyroscope powered grenade.
I just looked up Laphroaig on youtube to see I could find a genuine Scott saying it, and did, but am disappointed that the sound isn’t as impressive as steampunk rapidly spinning grenades.
Japhro-Egg, is how my head hears it. But usually just Japh.
Jah-froyg, super simple. Count your stars it isnt Junnahabhain or Jruichladdich.
(Or anything Welsh)
Tha frikken wewsh. Cannae unnerstain a wort.
Is the J hard or soft?
Hard like .jif.
J like Jay. So Jah and not Yah. (Hard)
It has influenced how I mentally pronounce the name of a certain green Muppet:
Kermit Japhroaig. Rolled r and all.
That guy is gooooood. Nice review!
I like how in the first five minutes he’s forgotten which whiskeys he’s talking about and can’t for the life of him remember that one he was forgetting, and keeps mentioning a different one asking if he’s already mentioned it but can’t remember if he mentioned it six times already.
My kind of reviewer. You know they’ve honestly drunk their fill and have examined the whiskey’s flavor with the thoroughness of an alcoholic.
OMGlenlivet, I love old Ralphy!
His best quality is that he’s not a snob about whiskey. There’s good whiskey and there’s shite whiskey.
Amen. When I’m being manly, I like Highland Park, but I also can enjoy the cheap Canadian blended stuff that comes in the 1.75L bottles. They both have a purpose.
My purposes for hard liquor is cleaning glass and sterilizing cuts. So I only really keep el cheapo vodka around. Good enough for a nip every now and then, but the vast majority is used to clean stuff.
I loved that part. I surprised myself. I kept mumbling to myself Caol Ila, Caol Ila while he was turning circles, but then doubting myself, wait is that an Islay? But then he said it and I was like YESSSSSSSSS.
ITS THE LITTLE THINGS
I need to go watch the other 275 some odd reviews now. Crap.