Bitcoin not real money according to judge

Originally published at:

Reportedly, gift cards are already the money laundering tool of choice; this does not seem so different.


You know how all those libertarians wanted to be free of government interference? Turns out, having your currency backed by the state is actually useful.

Criminals learned this a long time ago: if the state won’t guard your interests, you need to be ready to guard them yourself with lots of violence. Drug cartels aren’t violent just for fun; they need to protect their enormous profits from other criminals.

I wonder how many libertarians realize they’re going to have to act like drug lords to make their currency work? If there’s nobody to enforce the contract, then yeah, it’s play money.


No, no, no. You see, the Invisible Hand of the market will make sure the currency is respected because human beings are inherently rational and cooperative by nature! And I’m an intelligent white male who everyone shows a semblance of respect to in our current society and that would be perpetuated in a libertarian crazy-go-nuts kind of society too, right?


this seems like a Fact. According to the RNC & Brexiteers we’ve got past those pesky things.


Calling what libertarians want a society is an insult to dumpster fires everywhere.


Ok, sure, human beings are provably irrational when it comes to economic decisions, but, uh, collectively a lot of irrational behavior averages out to be, um, rational, right? Because of the hand?

Only “theoreticians” deal with facts, unlike real people.


I think that’s the key. They don’t realize (or maybe some of them do?) that they’re better off being libertarians in a non-libertarian system. They imagine themselves as Randian industrialists or Mad Maxian road warriors, but if they got what they wanted, a large portion of the population would be that way too and they’d be less privileged, less (supposedly) unique, and they’d be much likelier to lose (and die) with a greater amount of competition from other bootstrapping rugged individualists. They’re better off cosplaying and larping as libertarians than fulfilling their unattainable dream.


Libertarians believe in Praxaeology so they don’t have to concern themselves with pesky facts.


You can save it, you can buy things with it, you can watch its value fluctuate, but according to a Miami court judge, “bitcoin has a long way to go before it is equivalent of money.”

The judge rightly realized that it failed the “you can roll around in piles of it laughing hysterically and throwing fistfuls of it into the air” test, as well as the “you can roll it up and snort blow with it” test.


Talk to the Hand, because the humans aren’t listening!


I wonder how much not-money the Judge may have received to produce this verdict - it’s not money, so it’s not bribery, right?


That’s some high quality snark, right there. A+

1 Like

Really, libertarians in a non-libertarian system get the best of both worlds: they can privatize gains and socialize losses, for starters.


Oh shit, I just read the outcome of this, yeah someone’s been bought off.

1 Like

The well-lubricated but somewhat cramped hand of the market.

Unfortunately not invisible.


Unless it was all about the grift. Last one in the Ponzi scheme buys the beer!

1 Like

I’m surprised that Florida’s money-laundering laws would be so narrow that schemes involving non-money items of value would fall outside their scope(since, after all, it’s quite common for money laundering schemes to involve obfuscating dirty money by moving it into a different asset class and otherwise providing a winding and muddy trail for it); but it seems pretty open and shut that bitcoins aren’t “money”.

The overwhelming majority of items of value, including ones generic and fungible enough to be bartered without too much inconvenience, are not ‘money’ nor are they considered such. A definition of ‘money’ broad enough to include bitcoins woudl also include basically all financial securities, Magick: The Gathering cards, Precious Moments collectible figurines; cocaine, nubile concubines, and every last piece of tat ‘the Franklin Mint’ has ever been responsible for.

Again, seems weird that you can dodge money laundering restrictions just by using something that isn’t one of the world’s fiat currencies; but if you want ‘money’ to mean much of anything, bitcoin isn’t money.


This is the best economy I’ve ever heard of.


The article states that the judge was using Florida law to determine what is and is not money. IANAL. It would be interesting to see what the law defines as money. Seems like there must be some loophole there big enough to fly a plane through. Anyone have access to that section of code?

1 Like