Bomb squad called to hospital after patient reports WWII mortar lodged in his rectum

I know it’s standard procedure, but please, DO NOT LIGHT A MATCH!

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It had to be removed for the colonoscopy, but was reinstalled afterwards.

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that is literally what he said, yes. i mean… how did he expect anyone to believe it? also, he must’ve been naked, or at least pantsless when he slipped and fell backwards onto it?

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For some reason, I didn’t even need to read the article to know that.

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Anything can be a butt plug when you’re brave enough.

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“Why, yes! Yes, I do!”

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You win the internets for today.

Also, this guy does realize that you can buy sex toys anonymously on the internet nowadays right?

I mean my first thought regarding likely unstable 80 year old ordinance would not be to shove it up my ass.

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Just curious. The guy who was mortared…what did he win?

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Rectum? Shit, it nearly killed him.

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Indeed. It doesn’t look remotely like a mortar at all. Probably from a Bofors AA gun.

Mortar rounds have a distinctive teardrop shape, a flared base with fins, and a shaft for cheese charges, so fairly similar to a sex toy.

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Eeew time to see a urologist.

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Fartillery.

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I’m guessing the real reason the bomb squad got called was that the nurses in A&E thought that they’d invite the police down to join in laughing at this bloke.

On the less funny side, this arsehole was wasting everyone’s time when the NHS is almost overwhelmed. My mum had to go into Gloucester Royal (ie, the hospital that this joker showed up at) just the other week with heart palpitations (she’s fine now). There were no ambulances to take her there, and when she arrived, there were 18 ambulances (she counted) waiting outside to discharge patients, but no beds to put them in. My mum had to wait two hours to be seen, a guy who had just had a heart attack had to wait twenty minutes. Two years (almost) of covid, on top of ten years of Tory ‘austerity’ has almost brought the NHS to it’s knees.
And then this joker who’s never heard of a butt-plug, wastes everyone’s time and energy. I wonder who had to wait in an ambulance outside while they dealt with him? Fucking idiot.

sorry, rant over.

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how drunk are you though

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I imagine the police had to investigate where this adventurer had got hold of ammunition.

Too right.

Thank you for referencing the other cases, because all I could think was, again?!

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Was a similar situation back in October when my Dad had to go in to the same hospital.
But the staff were all brilliant, fair play, and they all loved my Dad. Won’t hear a bad thing said about them.

PS: If you care about the NHS and are in the UK starting a new job where they offer private health care, please turn it down.
Anything that strengthens private health care weakens the NHS while at the same time lining the pockets of the Tories and their friends.

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Dance of the Bomb Disposal Man

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