Catharsis

There are more important things in life than internet strangers – even wonderfully helpful, insightful, curious, generous internet strangers. You know who you are. You won’t see me around much, if at all. Anyone who wants to contact me can figure it out. Thanks for the fish.

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I’ve always had the nagging impression that this wasn’t quite what it said on the tin. Occasionally there’d be something happen to give it away, and each time my faith was eroded.

But my days of being disappointedinBoingBoing are over.

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Why I left?

I thought I had an understanding about the moderation system - the written rules are vague, but mod actions followed an inherent logic. I didn’t understand all decisions, but this was not important. I had a childlike universal trust in the rulings.

This implicite understanding was broken with Modusoperandi’s time out, after I learnt that the two week block was technically a mod overruling and the actual and intended verdict was much longer.

And now, with MO safely back in his natural environment, I can close this chapter. BB accompanied me longer than I care to count, and sometimes a voyage has to end.

To celebrate this in style one last beer tasting, and it took a while to organize one here.

A Sad beer for a Sad time.

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Remember, kids, every third person is a space alien from outer space.

Look to your left, look to your right.

If it’s neither of them, it’s you.

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Well that would explain a whole lot about my life.

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Faster than a speeding bullet?

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Screaming into the void? Or farting into the vacuum?

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Well, I tell ya, the latter’s a lot harder to explain to the wife…

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She understands. And appreciates.

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I feel bad I don’t miss this place more. I do miss some of my former regulars … but y’all can find me one way or another if you wanted to.

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Well you’re my friend
(That’s what you told me)
And can you see
(What’s inside of me)

Many times we’ve been out drinking
Many times we’ve shared our thoughts
But did you ever, ever notice
The kind of thoughts I got

Well you know I have a love
A love for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive
To live, I won’t let go

Could you see its opposition
Comes rising up sometimes
That its dreadful anteposition
Comes blacking in my mind

And that I see a darkness

Did you know how much I love you
Here’s a hope that some how you
Can save me from this darkness

Well I hope that someday, buddy
We have peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with our lives

And we can stop our whoring
And pull the smiles inside
And light it up forever
And never go to sleep
My best unbeaten brother
This isn’t all I see

Oh no, I see a darkness

Did you know how much I love you
Here’s a hope that some how you
Can save me from this darkness

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I am a miserable failure. I have regular thoughts of self-harm that fortunately I don’t have the courage to act on.

Hopefully sharing this will make me feel better.

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I hope that it did. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others when it is too much to go it alone.

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Everything I’ve been through, I’ve finally admitted to myself I would have been better off without my spouse this past year, and it’s crushing me.

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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

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I still feel guilty leaving what was once a happy place for me. I check in from time to time, but with decreasing frequency. Once a day, then every few days, now once a week at best. I’ll never know if I’m missed or not. Seeing what this place has devolved into makes me sad. Maybe it’s a metaphor for larger national scene.

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(I assume this software logs IP addresses of posters. Anyone using this thread as Catharsis should probably keep that in mind.)

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See, this is why we can’t have any nice things.

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