Chinese submarine defects, Bill Clinton’s cancer nightmare, reading tabloids can kill you, in this week’s dubious rags

[boingboing]

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2020/08/14/chinese-submarine-defects-bil.html

Reading supermarket tabloids causes cancer and kills thousands each year, a shocking new study has revealed.

[anon73430903]

@boingboing

Reading the ‘National Enquirer’ and ‘Globe’ magazines dramatically raises readers’ chances of contracting a killer disease leading to death, according to doctors.

How do I know this?

I conducted the research personally, polling multiple sources (me, myself and I) and tomorrow I have an appointment to see a doctor who will not have treated any tabloid reader.

The evidence is incontrovertible: tabloid readers are an aging demographic (witness this week’s ads for hearing aids, oxygen dispensers, Life Alert alarms, computers "designed especially for seniors’ and Medicare supplements) and falling circulation figures that suggest readership is dying off.

[ecartesecartes]

Hey!! You used a cut break! THANK YOU.