After years of fat-shaming headlines the tabloids have decided that thin can kill, too

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I know this is a stupid question but who buys the tabloids anyway?

It’s a stupid question because based on the amounts they’ll pay paparazzi the answer is “way too many people”. Even if I’m generous and assume that the main revenue source for tabloids is really advertising and the prices the tabloids command is based on the number purchased by vendors and that the number of copies actually purchased by consumers is only a small fraction of that the answer is still “way too many”.


I’m not above a little celebrity gossip, but I don’t get the point of this column. I’m reading an online recap of a print publication that came out a day or two ago, with news it in that was reported online at least a day or two prior to that. Stale celebrity trash is even less satisfying than fresh.


Indeed, is this going to be a regular thing? (I didn’t realize after last week.) The endless recycling of the output of Christian Nightmares was already bad enough.


It’s a trick. They just want to fatten you up so they can sell you more diet products. Or maybe you’re food for Them.

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I used to buy The Weekly World News, but that was a whole different version of weirdness and who can resist a good story about celeb icons Jake The Alligator Man and Bat Boy?


Aren’t the petty details of why you are inadequate mostly irrelevant when compared to the profound, foundational, truth that whatever you currently are is bad, wrong, unhealthy, and desperately in need of our diet and lifestyle tips?

If you haven’t lost weight, its your lardassery that is killing you. If you have, you are wasting away(and, if female, are either obsese and gross or bony and not curvy enough to be lovable). If you’ve done neither; it’s probably because your anxieties are paralyzing you and keeping you from living the life you want.

It’s not about the boring specifics of your situation; it’s about the fact that a miserable consumer is a good consumer.


This is not a new thing. Tabloids have been spreading rumours about “too thin” celebrities for years, the exact same way they’ve been fat shaming. I can’t think of any specific instances, but Calista Flockhart was a common target, years and years ago.


Every time I go to a regular supermarket I start having my tabloid printer/“Name of the Rose” fantasy…

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I think all it did was point out that the trash is trash, but everyone including the readers of the trash knew that.

Ah, I remember the first appearance of Bat Boy. WWN sure did know how to write a good story.


Right. It’s always either 5 pounds too “fat” or 5 pounds too “skinny.” Depending on the camera angle. They all look dangerously thin to me.

“Unhappy? Buy something in a cardboard box!”

That’s product advertising in a nutshell.


Chillingly, despite that knowledge, I can still see strong correlations between my observed affect state and my purchasing habits. I know exactly what is happening even as it happens; and the gap between knowledge and (in)action remains a gulf of kind, not of degree, however large.

(In that vein; a not-so-funny story from our contemporary data-driven-and-alienated dystopia: Y’know who noticed first when I changed medications? Not me. Not family. Not friends. Not my psychiatrist. Visa’s fraud-detection systems. Apparently my buying patterns changed enough to suggest a possible compromise, so their expert systems kicked in and checked up on me to make sure that I was still the same customer. Welcome to the future…)


Shit, they did that to me when I changed phone providers. '‘Why the hell is my card cancelled?’ ‘Well, we noticed frequent, regular payments leaving your account every month’ ‘IT’S THE FUCKING PHONE BILL!!! What, exactly did you think it was?’ Yeesh.

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Every time we travel abroad… buying plane tickets, booking hotels, all on our credit cards from our home town no problem, but then actually going on the trip? Ha! 3 days into the trip they cancel the cards. “suspicious activity” - even AFTER we call them to tell them we’re going on a trip. Every damn time! Algorithms!!!

That used to happen to me quite a bit. They seem to have gotten better the last 1 or 2 years, though. And we no longer call them, either.

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