Comedian imitates IKEA Karen customers with hilarious responses every worker dreams about

Originally published at: Comedian imitates IKEA Karen customers with hilarious responses every worker dreams about | Boing Boing

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That reminds me of the old Jewish joke.
“Why are these so expensive? They guy down the street sells them cheaper!”
“So go buy them there!”
“They’re all out.”
“When we’re all out, we sell them cheaper too.”

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My all time fav is when a customer said “I know the owner” to the owner, and the owner was laughing in their face so hard I had to play nice with them to not kick his ass, plus it was all over too much ice in my drink / not enough booze. They [ thankfully ] never came back to my knowledge.

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Back in the 90s, having to nod like a bobble-head at jackasses praising the copy of The Bell Curve they were buying. Good times, tryin’ to make that rent with a little cigarette money on top.

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Um, yeah, if the website says it is in stock, and you refuse to check the inventory in back, you’re the asshole.

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And if you just checked the inventory for the previous customer?

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0hu-uf

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And if you were lying and that customer never existed? How many layers of hypothetical can you add to rationalize bad behavior for a common situation?

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Well, hell, maybe the customer is lying about the website. Let’s increase all the hypotheticals!

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What if there is no IKEA? #IKEAisaLie

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That was great. I wish every retail store had at least one designated Salty John or Salty Jane specifically hired to sass obnoxious customers.

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Or if the website is wrong, because someone didn’t bother to update it to reflect the current inventory?

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i was in home depot once to buy a fan. website said they had 3 in stock, but there was only one out there, the display model. so me, the asshole, asks the guy if there were any more. he checks the computer and said two of the ones listed were returns (defective) and the other one was the display model. i said you count the display item? he said “i don’t, the computer did.” it was funny, we both laughed and i left, fanless.

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How much that pay? asking for a friend…

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Obviously the key to a snappy comeback is that it’s *snappy *. My snappy comebacks generally hit me about fifteen hours later, the person who needed my snappy comeback is nowhere to be found, wouldn’t remember me or what was said that deserved the snappy comeback or could care less if they ever saw me again or was thinking they deserved a snappy comeback and I failed to deliver one… lost opportunity costs.

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i’m guilty of the “we’ll be quick” line literally last night. i thought the pet store closed at 9pm, and it closed at 8. we walked through the door as the guy was coming to lock it. i said, “oh no, are you closing?” and he said “yes, in 1 minute.” and i said “we’ll be fast.” – in our defense, we were. i just had to grab a dozen cans of cat food. our cat was out of food, too, so it wasn’t like i could just come back. i felt better when there were people in line behind us at checkout.

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Classic, simply classic.

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but what if THERE IS ONLY IKEA

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A large part of what he’s getting salty about is that at Ikea there is no “back” where inventory is stored - it’s all out on the floor/customer-accessible warehouse space. The “back” literally just has the clipboard with the employee schedule on it and Darcy’s brownies - a secret stash of inventory isn’t going to magically appear.

Given how strongly the many thousands of disgruntled retail employees would like to do that job, it’s probably a volunteer position.

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I’m an Aussie and my mother works at Target. All the time she has customers saying “BUT IT’S ON THE WEBSITE.” Often it turns out “the website” is a) Target USA, which has no connection to Australia, or b) KMart, or c) a commercial they saw a month ago.

People are fucking morons. Customers deserve way more shit than anyone is allowed to give them.

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