Originally published at: Text adventure about being in Ikea and hating it there | Boing Boing
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Inventory:
You have-
1 small wooden pencil
1 scroll of ordering
1 tasteful cushion named Olaf
2 small metal wands of hexing
No tea.
The scroll contains:
Measurements for an Xyzzy bedside table.
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I like IKEA, too, when it’s not super crowded. But once we made the mistake of going the weekend before colleges started back up in the Boston area. Over an hour to find parking, then swept through the labyrinth on a tide of humanity. We already knew what we wanted, but there was no turning back. Forward motion was inevitable. Occasionally we would spin off into an eddy that looked like a dorm room or a dining area, then get swept back up. By the time we got to the warehouse, the chairs we wanted were gone.
I felt like I had a mild case of PTSD upon emerging.
I drank gin that night.
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I once asked an Ikea employee for guidance on which shortcut to take to get to an area, and they suggested I instead enjoy the walk through the store. I was ready to strangle them. Who does that?
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Meanwhile in Russia…
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If he hates Ikea the solution is simple.
We love wandering around Ikea but we like the cheap breakfast and the accessories like pillows, lights, kitchen gadgets, shelves, etc…
With 5 cats that routinely get sick on the sofa, the easily removable washable fabric is awesome.
We also like buying stuff to use for other things, like this plant stand for example.
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The key is not to go on a weekend. I forgot and made that mistake last month when I was finally able to return an item and decided to take a quick run through the store. It was a madhouse, with lots of unsupervised kids running artand lots of indecisive idiots spending way too long blocking anyone else’s access to the merchandise.
Also, the supply-chain problem we’ve all been hearing about were very visible. If Ikea is having trouble keeping goods stocked it’s a serious problem.
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You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. And all the products have silly names.
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I think this may be a Wonderful Thing.
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I love spending my finite time on earth doing things I hate! I hope this author makes one about colonoscopy prep. It could run in real time.
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Skip the maze. Order online and pick up your order at the warehouse. I haven’t set foot in IKEA in years, but I order from them frequently.
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The Bekvam kitchen cart that I want has been MIA for almost six months in my store. And it took us way over a year to finally land the Billy bookcases - we needed multiple units - for the forty, and counting, boxes of books that have been languishing in the basement for the past 15 years.
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I guess it depends on what you are doing there that makes it fun or not…
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Fuck off with your plastic potted plants, Ikea.
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You have been eaten by a grüü.
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Dare one ask wtf you stuck around that long?
(Or should one instead ask wtf you were smoking?)
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You may dare. It was a long drive down, so we were wont to give up.
After the first 30 minutes looking for parking, I was indeed smoking some sweet local green. It surely added to the whole surreal vibe I got when faced with the hordes within.
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