Parents who resort to corporal punishment for their children are small-minded.
Their child is behaving in a manner they don’t approve of or understand, so instead of being clever/empathetic about how they approach the issue, they break out the belt and start beating and screaming at them.
I don’t even want to say there are other ways to deal with child disipline, because that would legitimize this punishment as a legit option.
Physical violence is the response of the cruel, the weak-minded, the sociopath, the criminal.
Parents who resort to corporal punishment are almost universally, I would submit, adult victims of childhood corporal punishment themselves. Maybe this falls into the “weak-minded” group you speak to, but this comes back to my point about perpetuations of cycles of violence. It should not exist. I think it ought to be illegal, obviously many people agree, and listen, lots of people disagree. I think it’s morally and ethically wrong. But dehumanizing and turning into caricatures every person who has ever hit their kid is, I would submit, not an affective way of dealing with the problem at hand. I tried to illustrate this in my original post, but hey, some people really do just love grabbing on to very simplistic ways of viewing issues, even if those simplistic views do less to work to solve the issues themselves then views that I personally feel would be more effective. Obviously everyone is free to disagree.
From the time I was a small child until I moved out he beat me. Never with a fist, although that was threatened enough. But he used to get going with what I call the “wrong end” of the belt–the one with the buckle. And he had the buckle where the belt went in the buckle and then back through the other side. He would start swinging that thing and screaming, “Dance! Dance! Dance!”. I was a tender soul but didn’t cry under conditions like this. I think that that made it last longer.
I was an A (sometimes A’s and B’s) student, editor of the yearbook, in the band, in church (and soon off to a well-known religious college), and this happened every other week if not weekly.
He died recently and I still don’t feel it. There is even a part of me that feels relieved. When I heard that he was ‘gone’ I felt lighter. I am not proud of that, it is the truth through.
He abused my whole family but I was the only one that got beaten. Everyone else was female. Mom said that she didn’t know why he didn’t like me.
I was spanked maybe 4 or 5 times as a kid. My wife was spanked maybe three times, she’s told me. We both have great relationships with our parents, and we were never “beat.” I think that’s why there’s such debate over spanking, and why there’s confusion when it’s referred to as corporal punishment. Grabbing a child by the arm and wrenching them around hurts just as much, if not more (in my experience!) and smacking a child on the bottom shouldn’t leave a bruise. I think most people in the US, even those who see spanking as “no big deal,” see a big difference between open-handed bottom-striking and using a reed or anything that could bruise or draw blood.
Even with that above, I don’t really feel right striking anything. Even though I was struck a handful of times on the bottom, through my clothes, I grew up thinking that using violence to accomplish pretty much anything seems completely useless. I think we’ve seen with all of the reports on torture that using pain, or threat of pain, to do much of anything just results in people lying to you and devising ways of “getting away with things” without you finding out. I think if a child is in fear of punishment, they’re more likely to just make sure you don’t find out.
That said, I’ve seen plenty of people casually strike their children in public places. I saw a mom strike her young child (maybe 3 years old) on the head because she was walking slowly, yelling “Stay with me!” Of course, the kid started bawling and the mom picked her up. I’m not sure what the expected response was? What do people who strike children think the child will do?
I am capable of viewing issues in shades of gray, I don’t think a parent yells at a child who is about to endanger themselves by touching a hot stove or walking into traffic is wrong.
This was no “slap on the wrist”. This was a pre-meditated, vicious, and prolonged beating, coupled with verbal abuse.
That IS a cliche and it’s tired. I like how people are pretending that things are so much worse now then they’ve been in the past. If every person throughout human history remained perpetually angry over injustice, then every person for the last 4000 years would have been angry all of the time. It doesn’t actually serve anything. The problem isn’t a lack of anger, it’s an abundance of apathy.
This is one of the reasons the U.S. refuses to ratify the UN Declaration on the Rights of the Child. We reserve the right to beat our chattel, thankyouverymuch.
I’m not kidding. The right to inflict “corporal punishment” is taken very seriously in many states. It’s considered a basic religious tenet.
Yes, but as the tone of your post suggests (and as William Faulkner said), “The past isn’t dead. It isn’t even past yet.” My sympathies, and I hope you can find healing.
I feel it’s important to confirm that this is absolutely an appropriate reaction to the situation. You do not have to feel guilty in the slightest for not giving a fuck about him anymore. Ding, dong, the asshole’s dead.
The fact that he isn’t foremost in your thoughts is an excellent testament to your process of healing.
I got smacked on the bottom maybe three times by my (awesome) parents when I had been wilfully bad and warned many times.
I know my parents hated doing it, they never did it in anger. To be honest, I didn’t consider it much of a punishment, it was worse knowing I’d upset my parents. I remember one time I’d driven mum to tears and been sent to my room I emptied my piggy bank and snuck out and bought her chocolates. I’m such a soft touch.
Kudos for sharing that with us and I’m glad you seem to have moved past it. My closest friend was sexually abused by his stepfather for a few years, and once that scumbag died I was somewhat shocked that my buddy didn’t want to go and desecrate the grave in any number of ways that I would have happily supported.
And for what it’s worth, horror films don’t scare me at all, but watching <a href=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079239/?ref_=nv_sr_1>The Great Santini has always had the power to freeze me solid with fear.
Edit: Made it through the first thirty seconds of whipping and I’m left wondering why this person isn’t in jail. Good fucking god that guy needs a good horsewhipping himself.
This was both made and posted by the victim in order to expose her father for what he is.
This is mentioned in the article, in the linked articles, and people have even reminded one another of this fact here in the comments. Did you just glance at the top of the article, then immediately jump to the end of the comments (without reading any of them) to say that?
Not a good habit to have.
Do you actually know what “personal privacy” means? Because it also includes being able to share what you choose to share. In this case, this woman (then girl) chose to share this abuse. SHE chose to share it. SHE is the one that shared it.
This sort of inaccurate finger pointing is really fucking obnoxious, I have to say. It’s like you were trying SO HARD to find something to tsk tsk about, and yet it isn’t even accurate. Ugh.
Are you kidding me with this? Way to minimize what the victim went through by mentioning a totally unrelated event with absolutely no further context. “I saw something gross online! It was worse than this! Why is this such a big deal? Why are you guys so shocked? Man. I am so cool and edgy.” That is how you are coming across.
as if the situation in the US (or really anywhere in the industrialized world) has gotten better since, say, the year 2000? this isn’t something i need to pretend to see. i’m not talking about the middle ages here, i’m talking about a disasterous series of events very much in my lifetime. and yours.
if apathy is the issue, and getting an education, working to support oneself and pay one’s rent, or house payments, and supporting/joining in the political fray is apathy, then what is your suggestion as far as a course of action? because i, and many others, are feeling pretty disenfranchised, because we’ve been systematically disenfranchised, and having myself symbolically arrested or beaten half to death by police is going to cost me a few more packs of ramen than i can afford.
Please tell me that man is now in jail. It’s disgusting that someone could treat their own child like that. That man has no right to be a parent. It’s disgusting. Just disgusting.
Between this post & the other where you want to compare this to something saw on facebook… I dunno, you won some kind of prize that makes me feel a bit dead inside, in an empathic way.
