This is high school pizza maths. Sure, you need 3 axes to describe the shape but does it include a void? Does it enclose a space, thereby rendering that space unusable by any other object on earth (except maybe insertion of more food/American Pie-style desecration)? Obviously no.
That’s why this is what you need to get your heads around: DIY pizza kebab. Order a thin & crispy from your local cheap & nasty chain pizza shop. The more generic and nasty the better. Get them to not cut it. Hammer punch the crust with your fist to render it malleable, roll up the entire pizza, hold in two hands and shove it in your face. Sensible toppings are flat toppings: you want all that goodness to stay on there when you roll it. This style has 2 unforeseen benefits: Oil drips out of the bottom as you eat (yeah… you’ll need a plate or the box for protection) and if you got it delivered and they messed up and cut it (which happens a lot… must be pizza-maker muscle memory) then they’re legally obligated to send you another one.
WRT to inelastic assumptions and a certain pizza brand, good point. As it happens, Little Caesar’s is for dinner here tonight (no accounting for kiddos’ tastes). Unfortunately, my attempts to verify the theorem’s application met with frustration, as each sector of pizza laminate steadfastly refuses to flop whether folded or not.
I think the buns are a relatively new innovation. If you look at recipes for “Hamburg steaks” and “Hamburger steaks” from the early 20th century up through the 1950s, buns aren’t mentioned.
Incidentally, the Stone-Tukey Theorem (aka “Ham Sandwich Theorem”) says that of you take a hamburger in your sense - a 2-part bun with a patty between them - you can simultaneously bisect all three parts with a single plane. This is true even if the patty is miles from the bun. The theorem fails for cheeseburgers.
I dunno about the Antipodes, but back home in Perfidious Albion, kebab-meat is a popular pizza topping. So are chips (a ‘London Pizza’, apparently. The fact that I’ve only ever seen it sold in a small village west of Newcastle notwithstanding).
ETA: actually, being as you guys invented that goon-sack roulette game with the boxed ‘port’ & the clothes-dryer, I am more than prepared to be both intrigued and alarmed by what youse put on pizzas…
I’ve seen them do that here too - but only at kebab shops that sell pizza. The chips one I have never seen, but then a friend ordered a “pizza” in Tokyo and got corn on the cob and uncut steak on a piece of oven-baked lebanese bread, so I’d say the international benchmark for what constitutes a pizza is fairly low.
Just to clarify for all involved: the “goon-sack roulette game” is called Goon of Fortune - goon being a slang term for wine that comes in a box. You can get port too, but it’s usually just wine. You can apparently get decent wine in a box here and it is actually preferable to bottles in most circumstances: more environmentally friendly, the wine is not exposed to oxygen every time you pour a glass and when you finish the wine you can inflate the bag part for a makeshift pillow. Also, to avoid confusion, he’s talking about a “hill’s hoist” clothesline not a clothes-dryer, the insertion of wine into which could result in a house fire
We love goon so much here that we build monolithic monuments to it to please the gods.
I assume you can get kangaroo pizza down under? Emu?
As far as boxed wine goes, I think it’s actually okay. Like screw-caps instead of corks, it’s actually a good idea, but does badly on the snob side of things.
Precisely. If all that destroyed wine in the SF earthquake last month was in casks it would still be with us.
I assume you can get those kinds of pizzas somewhere, but most stores don’t go that route. The chain store doing the most interesting things with pizza lately is Crust https://www.crust.com.au/
Their menu is more inventive than your standard takeout pizza shop, but their menu is fairly reflective of the kinds of things people here want on a pizza.
You will often see one kangaroo dish on the menu of any restaurant doing ‘Modern Australian’ cuisine. It is apparently very easy to overcook, so you want someone who knows that they’re doing preparing it. Some people have massive issues with eating kangaroo as it’s something of a national icon, but I personally don’t see it being any better or worse than eating any other animal.
Awwww, why’d you set em straight about the clothes dryer? That could have caused a splendid disaster. I think it was Smash Martian and JohnS told me about Goon of Fortune, and they seemed to enthusiastically endorse sacks of port (well fortified wine anyway). I suppose wine would do in a pinch, but I reckon you need the extra ABV to do it right…
Our solution to that problem is that you can get 'em in 4L casks. We’re an enterprising bunch of alcoholics down here, we are!
I will have to admit that, and I hope no Aussies are reading this, I have not to my recollection played goon of fortune. I have drunk from the hard, unforgiving teat of a goonbag many times though. I usually avoid imbibing games because I really don’t need any extra help with that and, well… I don’t want to put everyone else to shame
I’m guessing you didn’t read the article before mocking it? You seem to think that it’s actually about how to fold pizza.
Actually that would be pretty funny. “Materials Needed: One (1) slice pizza. One (1) protractor. One (1) T-square. One (1) pizza-certified bench clamp…”
