DoJ says it will consider jailing executives who order corporate crimes


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“Corporations can only commit crimes through flesh-and-blood people,”

…sigh. “Corporations are people, my friend,” except when they commit crimes, according to this slippery rhetoric.


DoJ says it will consider jailing executives who order corporate crimes

Alright, we considered it. Moving right along, I see we have some teenagers pirating mp3s in our docket…


Chapelle did a nice little bit on that subject a while back (shortened clip below).


I came up with a character I wanted to flesh out. I had some short vignettes of him. He’s The Calculator - CPA (Corporate Professional Assassin).

Basically he goes through the books, finds the dead weight, and illuminates it - often making it look like a tragic accident. Remember that lawyer who would bounce off the glass of his building to impress clients how strong it was until the one day he crashed through it? That was the calculator shooting an air pellet at just the right time to fracture and weaken the glass just before he hit it, making it look like a bad accident. Cashing out the life insurance policy is on top of his regular fee.


It’s easy to talk the talk. Let’s see if they follow through and walk the walk.



And as always, I’ll consider corporations to be people the day the State of Texas executes one.


And why, exactly, are we merely ‘considering’, rather than ‘humming the Cops theme and smashing some guy’s face into his desk while we slap the cuffs on’?


I want to see a few Wall Street execs body slammed as they emerge from their building…

James Blake body-slammed, handcuffed by cops as he headed to U.S. Open - San Jose Mercury News


He was body slammed? Damn, police be all WWFing that shit up now…


What a surprise. Holder does things that make corps happy and when he leaves federal service, he gets a cushy job taking care of the corps.

Makes me wonder if the US Government ever belonged to the people in the first place.


I’m pretty sure there’s a law against jailing – or generally even just prosecuting – extremely wealthy criminals.

Right? I mean, there’s nothing else that could explain it.


We do have a method for imprisoning corporations, though. It’s called nationalization. Why should the shareholders be permitted to keep the proceeds of a crime?


Good idea but beware of unintended consequences and perverse incentives. Two words: assets forfeiture.


Ha, this will never happen. What does the DoJ think America is, Communist China?


So they are considering arresting wealthy people? Wow!


I can’t muster enough sarcasm to do this news justice.


How about… “In DOJ, corporations prosecute you!”


Nice rhetoric, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I’ve heard enough lies come out of this administration already, and I got no time to pay attention to more.