I never dated one, but I have counted three among my best friends over time, apparently I am drawn to the Queen Bees, which really says more about me than them…
So sorry you went through that, sounds like you met a nasty one.
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just remember, to them that is defense. They are playing defense. No matter how offensive, it is defense.
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Mine (with enablers) turned the love of my life against me, and started her drinking again after 2 years sobriety, and that ended VERY badly. The silent wishes I have for some people are not… pure. I wish I believed they could find peace, but I’ve seen one on their deathbed. Still manipulating, everything and everyone within reach, to the end.
If there is a god then they’re a warning, and not a lesson.
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Here you go, this can help quite a bit.
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Thanks much. I’m in a pretty vulnerable position.
Seduced by charm indeed.
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also know that they’re going to microaggress to cause you to be generally aroused, so that little things, little problems, get a bigger, somewhat emotional reaction from you. Not consciously on their part, it’s just their patois, their way of interacting with your functional mirror neurons.
Which is to say your career or life will not just end if this all does go poorly. This does sound like a tough spot, and I hope you have an escape plan.
At the end of the day, you don’t have to live with them. They have to live with themselves. And you with you.
Turn the other cheek, in my interpretation, means turn the rest of the way, away from those who steal your coat, and just walk. Hard.
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That’s what I’m doing
It’s insane, and I feel nuts about it.
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You’re not nuts.
It does not feel good to be on the menu.
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That’s right - I’m smart, honest, productive, have integrity, sincerity and faith (shaken), all sorts of good ingredients.
I hate this!
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just add some garlic, and NOM NOM NOM.
It’s the abuse of faith (be it in faith, country, family, an institution, God, a brotherhood, or anything “higher” than you that you would be humble for) that I found most disturbing, once I saw it clearly. Some people have to ‘win’ relationships, and those people will usually move the goalposts.
I’ve come to value authenticity above all else. I don’t actually care if you’re a telephone cleaner or an Admiral - be you. Don’t change your self, and don’t be afraid to change the company you keep. And bore the nasty ones so they don’t mind when you slip away.
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Hugs. You are getting really good advice in this thread, especially from @AcerPlatanoides. I would add:
Don’t put up an obvious defense. To a sociopath, a defense is a challenge.
Diffuse, distract, redirect. Start playing the ditz, if you can. “Oh sorry, did I agree to that? I’m sorry, I forgot all about it. I guess I’m just spacey.” Be not-worth-the-trouble. (How serious an empath are you? Do you know how to turn it off, how to do invisibility?)
Start getting people into your corner who are outside their circle, who they don’t know, people you can be with away from them, people who can reassure you about who you are and help you keep sane. Then start thinking seriously about how you can secure your career and life well away from this person.
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truth.
And it sounds like there is a small pack of them, working together. So that’s a chance for a full court press, and nobody wants that happening to them.
I’ll bow out now. In my experience, and excuse the black and white language, but any conversation like this is like saying Beetlejuice three times.
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That’s been my strong mantra for many years. I didn’t see the torpedo of someone else leveraging that characteristic coming!
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Do you have a smart phone? The odds you can get a voice recorder app are very good. If the phone is in a shirt pocket or the front pocket of a purse with the mic upward it will pick up a conversation very well. Only two states require you to inform someone you are recording a conversation you are having with the, the last time I checked, the usual rule is that one party to the conversation (i.e., you) has to be aware.
(P.S. This is useful information for all interactions with insurance companies)
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Yep. Will enact. Tx!
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Like cats playing with mice. Just poking it round, to see what happens.
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My mind was blown reading this particular article, had no idea this was a thing. It makes my life (especially my childhood) make a lot more sense though.
@peregrinus_bis I hope you get your situation sorted. People like that are toxic and actively destroy lives. The only piece of advice I can give you is to be open about what’s going on with the people you care about, and who care about you, because if they know they’re much less likely to be swayed by the sociopath on the other side.
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Tx. They’ll never meet the sociopath. I’ve got a fine version of this phenotype.
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Make sure he doesn’t go around you and via his own volition “introduce” himself to your family and then use that against you. You ever seen the cable guy? You do not want something like that to happen.
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And mind your facebook.
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