Aha. Yeah you need a big fat balloon whisk and get a vigorous side to side going.
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Eggs? No eggs. Heavy Whipping cream and sweetener. Maybe the eggs help stiffen it?
Yea, I made whipped cream by hand once… I think my hand mixer broke? Would have been the third one.
Then I bought a stand mixer.
What in the wide wide world of sports are you doing!? I never drag out the big old stand mixer just for whipped cream and it doesn’t take me more than about 5 minutes to make it with a not-even-chilled bowl and hand whisk (ok, maybe 8.75 minutes 
). And I have problems with tendonitits in my wrist too!
Tangential true story: One holiday meal we were at a friend’s house when he and his sister (both north of 35 years old at the time) decided that the pumpkin pie needed whipped cream, so they pulled out the joy of cooking and an ungodly amount of cooking utensils. When I gently tried to point out that whipped cream was just, you know, cream with some sugar to taste and a dash of vanilla, they looked at me like I had two heads, then went back to consulting their recipe (in the end, it was of course plain old whipped cream that was a bit overly sweet and nearly broken. sigh)
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No you’re right, i’m thinking of something else. Beaten eggs to stiff peaks by hand. Which is also laborious to do by hand.
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Has to be the scrambled egg/hot cocoa mix beating whisk I used instead of a fullsize. I only made like 1 cup of cream with 2 Tbs of syrup or so. did it in a glass pyrex 2 cup measuring cup that had been in the freezer for 30 min.
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Try whipping no more than a pint of cream at a time, and add (ie. fold in) the sweetener only once the cream is almost at your final desired density.
And as much as I’m happy to whip cream by hand, I’d never try to actually cream butter and sugar that way. A hand mixer is the way to go if you don’t want to devote precious counter space to a big mixer.
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I have a standmixer. I am lazy about using it, except for cakes. I have been meaning to try some more whipped sugar things tho. TGBBS has set many challenges for me.
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When you say “hand mixer”, are you talking about a handheld electric model, or a manual one like this?
I’ve whipped cream with a manual model, and it didn’t take much longer than an electric one. I’ve read that a stick blender works too.
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I just had a grandma flashback. She would keep us occupied with shaking mason jars of cream.
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Thats not what I’ve ever used that contraption for.
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You use it to infuse your liquor, right?
Yeah, me neither.
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I’d rather do it with a whisk. Those mother fuckers are awkward.
Though my preferred solution to this issue is to never bake anything. I have access to a KitchenAid stand mixer and the only thing I do with it is make sausage.
Made butter in it a couple time though, nice trick. Not cost effective.
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I disagree. I make a pint of whipped cream by hand fairly regularly. A balloon whisk, a big bowl, and a few sturdy teenagers to tag team with and it only takes about 4-6 minutes. I think the big bowl is the secret, you have to be able to whip with abandon.
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Are you me? I always say that there are good brownies and there are great brownies, but there are not bad brownies.
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So you admit its a pain in the ass for a single person to do from start to finish?
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haha, we think alike. i’m kind of the same way with a lot of foods. cookies, pizza, pie… it’s rare to run across one that’s entirely inedible.
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I call myself a human garbage can. I’ll eat and enjoy pretty much anything; stale cake? Nah, it’s a cookie! I do draw the line at spoiled food though.
we are definitely kindred spirits, then. 
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