Fake BoingBoing Advertisements


#1

Good Deal on IRL VPN UNLIMITED

Worried about the NSA or FBI literally walking into your party and drinking all the beer? How about sneaking into your bathroom and switching your toilet paper to face the wrong way?

IRL VPN is the one-stop shop for alleviating all your IRL privacy worries.

How it works:

  • Much like an internet VPN, IRL VPN will dig a private underground tunnel between the places where you live, work, and play.
  • Forget boring warrant canaries. Tunnel is equipped with literal canary warnings.
  • Free hardhat with light in front.
  • Unlimited high-speed minecraft cart connections.
  • Growing list of underground hubs worldwide.

IRL VPN Unlimited: Lifetime Subscrption ($59)


#2

You forgot to say 99% off.


#3

Reclutter Your Life with Maildeluge

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You’re a busy and efficient person, and it’s important that you manage your email effectively. Whether it’s precious hours of your life spent on vacation using your laptop or phone, or just sitting in a separate room from your family and friends–you’ve just got to get to inbox zero. Which is why we created Maildeluge, for the modern Sisyphus.

Maildeluge’s smart context based tools add pointless emails to you inbox and randomly move files from one folder to the next. It can even resubscribe you to Comet Cursor’s mailing list even if you haven’t used the malware since you were a teenager. This way, instead of meticulous perfection, the futility of it all allows your to focus better on life’s important questions.

Normally, a month-month subscription that we’re going to pretend would last forty years (though it’s doubtful we’ll last another two) would cost you 17 million dollars. However, just for BoingBoing users, you can sign up today for Maildeluge’s Lifetime Ultraplus Premium Package at the astonishingly low price of $78.88.

(Offer not valid in Ohio.)


#4

nsabook

Why keep your important personal information in many insecure places?

Pre-filled when you join:

  • Friends and family.
  • Photo gallery.
  • Circles of people you know, and terror threat assessment.

Join now and receive our data backup service free!


#5

Start a Ska Band Today with This Skaffold Kit

Are you a thirty something white guy who just took up drumming? Then now is the perfect time for you to start a Ska band! Get Skaffold’s Ska Band Starter kit and you’ll be riffing on predictable chord progressions in no time. You don’t know what “riffing” or “chord progression is?” That’s okay, no one else does either (or so we’ve heard) making it the perfect thing to impress people with at parties.

The Skaffold kit includes:

  • Four poorly fitting suits.
  • Stereotypical headgear.
  • Your mom’s old camcorder.
  • Our e-book, Explaining Ska Poorly.
  • And the Ska band name generator, which uses machine learning to generate a unique band name just for you, such as: Skattered and Smothered, Blue Antikythera, Unpleasant Tonal Shift, The Banjangoes, Kentucky Felt Chicken, and more!

Sign up with our promo code, BB2018 in the next 300 hours for 200% off and just $119.19! And best of all, if you don’t like it, there’s a complicated money-back guarantee.


#6

And “All sales final”.


#7

Bring health and love back to your life with a lifetime subscription to KickBox

You’ll eat delicious healthy food and your family and friends will love you when you subscribe to KickBox.

You know that the secret to being popular is having the latest cool gadgets, but how do you know which ones to buy? Websites are so confusing. And if you buy the wrong gadgets people will point and laugh at you. Now, KickBox makes it easy to buy the right gadgets with our monthly curated collection of left over stock from Kickstarter and Indigogo projects that fizzled once the hyped died down. All you have to do is authorize an unrevokable recurring monthly payment and soon your friends and relatives will talk to you again!

All sales final. Boxes not guaranteed to have content or arrive. Sold by Untracable Shelf Corporation, LLC.


#8

What? No free budgies?


#9

The Complete Learn-How-To-Make-The-Complete-Course Course

  • Learn how to make a complete course with 9 bundles, with 9 bundles
  • Sell your course on blogs, web logs and blogs, with no oversight
  • Learn how to sell something 99% off and with a lifetime guarantee while not lowering the price or worrying about holding on to your business for more than a few months
  • Laptop, Coffee, Notebook, Pencil
  • Lots of screens of code–including code on mobile devices, in case you want to code on your phone, like an idiot
  • Lifetime guaranteed
  • 99% of
  • Each course is regularly $29.99. Limited sale, entire course for $299.99
  • VPN, Unlimited data backup, Bespoke home bartending set included