But why would you want them to stop wiggling? That’s the best part!
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They are cute. We went to a sea turtle farm in the Caymens (I think) and learned this trick.
Two lovely quotes from the ex-Marine-turned-turtle-protector via nydailynews.com:
• “I figured if I showed a handgun that would be enough to diffuse any situation.”
• “He said, ‘I’ll shoot you with the flare gun’ and I said ‘it’s a real gun.’”
What’s the emoji for “mic drop”?
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That’s where sea turtles are. If they were anywhere else, some drunk teens would still try to screw with them. For example the horseshoe crabs in south Jersey. Reason doesn’t enter into - some humans are just going to be assholes.
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“I figured if I showed a handgun that would be enough to diffuse any situation,”
… but bringing a handgun into the situation usually calms everyone down! NRA meetings are so mellow that they’re practical love-fests!
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None of this would have happened if the turtles were carrying guns.
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It’s illegal for anyone under 21 to purchase a handgun, so the baby turtles are technically too young to be similarly armed.
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Good thing he was carrying his gun with him, it really diffused the situation.
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I assume that it’s considered a more problematic crime, for some mixture of similar-in-spirit-to-hate-crimes-but-not-by-that-name and 'because old people are typically less violent and more fragile than they were, so your reasons are probably worse and the victim’s vulnerability greater.
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#Michael Q. McAuliffe
##Believes sea turtle people are fucking crazy
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Tortoises and turtles are not the same thing. Although they are superficially similar. And if you see either of them sitting on a fence post, someone put them there.
What the real tragedy is, is that those horseshoe crabs are… immensely? No, vitally important for biochemical and pathogen testing in both research and medical settings.
Their blood contains fracking amazing clotting agents that are unbelievably sensitive to a massive array of pathogens, and it clots up in a matter of seconds. So it’s processed into products that are used as pretty much the most effective and rapid way of testing for microbial contamination of numerous different materials.
And we’re kinda devastating the horseshoe crab population by dredging them up, bleeding them half-dry, and tossing them back.
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How does anyone hate sea turtles?
Snakes, rodents, bugs, I can understand- But how do you hate turtles? Even in Florida it makes no sense.
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Thems turtoids a thinkin theys better’n me! With thems tough outer shell, and ability ta stay submerged fer long durations. RILES ME UP! Ahm a gonna head on down to the beach and teach them scaly marine reptiles who the tough guy is, ain’t no 70 year old war vet a gonna stop my ass!
ETA: Squidbillies is supposed to be surreal and absurdist comedy. But with every story out of the Georgia/Florida area, it seems more and more like a documentary.
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And that’s why gun laws are crazy! It’s the weak and defenceless - like children - who really need guns!
Won’t somebody think of the children? And the baby turtles?
FTFY
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Ack! More Florida-man-shaming!
80% of the time, the headline should read: “Man who moved to Florida from New Jersey or Texas or California or Michigan or wherever.”
It’s not our state’s fault all you whackos from up north gravitate down to the warm weather.
It’s the humidity. It addles the brain.
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Well, a beatdown is more likely to cause serious injury or death in an older person, so a greater penalty does make some sense. Older people are also, often, diminished in defense capacity. Kind of like how “child endangerment” is a specific kind of criminal negligence.
Snowbird Man, Snowbird Man: Size of the Tri-State-Area Man.
Does Florida get Snowbird Man, or does
Snowbird Man get Florida instead?
Nobody knows. Snowbird Man.
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