Florida schools open their doors to Satan


#1

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#2

The Satanic Temple’s spokesperson, Lucien Greaves

What I don’t understand is why this guy gets to be the official spokesman when I’ve been sacrificing goats for years. Who kept the brimstone topped up? Who kept his beard perfectly manicured with a hint of menace? Me, Laurence Veeblefester, that’s who.


#3

So the atheists (FFRF) got censored because they weren’t a religion?

Perhaps the Satanic Temple will be successful if only because those who would prefer an outright Christian theocracy are sort of obliged to regard the “Enemy” as a real being. They’re probably shitting themselves about now.

Can the Pastafarians get in on this, or would they be dismissed as a parody religion?

EDIT: Also, is there a Cliff Notes™ version of The Urantia Book?


#4

I don’t think any serious person can claim the ability to distinguish between a real religion and a parody religion.


#5

Presuming the adherents can keep a straight face while describing their beliefs?

This from Wikipedia

[quote]
The status of Scientology in Germany is unresolved. Two points are contested: firstly, whether or not the teachings of Scientology qualify as a religious or ideological teaching, and secondly, whether or not these teachings are only used as a pretext for purely commercial activity; if the latter were the case, this would most likely imply that Scientology would not qualify for protection as a religious or ideological community under Article 4 of the German constitution.[/quote]

Of course, none of this contradicts your assertion that a parody religion is indistinguishable from the real thing, because the Scientologists are not going for parody, merely financial gain.


#6

Do these folks regularly try to leave literature behind in hotel rooms, too? And are they successful? (I suspect there could well be a customer base that would come storming out demanding a refund if they found Satanic literature in their hotel room nightstands.)

I wound up with a free Bible or two in my time, and they were both Gideon publications.


#7

Bill Hicks on the Gideons.


#8

Didn’t satan1 already have one of his minions in a FL school?

1Satan’s current physical form, Dick Cheney


#9

Unfortunately, for every positive advance Satan makes, Jesus is there to take things two steps back:
Judge: Hobby Lobby Decision Means Polygamous Sect Member Can Refuse To Testify In Child Labor Case


#10

They should, I’m pro-choice when it comes to hotel room bedside drawers.


#11

The atheists were represented by people not handing out religious tracts, obviously. (Seriously though, the school was only allowing evangelical Christian groups to distribute Bibles; it’s not like any other religions or points of view were being allowed.)
Of course the Satanists will render the whole point moot pretty quick, as the schools will either shut this whole thing down to prevent them from distributing anything or will get complaints, specifically block the Satanists and lose out in the subsequent lawsuit, resulting in the same thing. (Which is the point, of course.)


#12

But laughter is a sacrament in my religion!


#13

I think that’s already been covered, but since it’s secret knowledge, thank you for the spoiler tags.

Also:

We are NOT the first!


#14

I only halfway glanced at the headline and clicked on it before I realized it had nothing to do with Santana.
Even “Black Magic Woman” would be kind of a reach.


#15

As long as they keep the Muslims out, I’m fine with it.

(Hello, sarcasm!)


#16

That would be hilarious if it was funny. Like, if you said that about some enlightened place that would never think of suppressing a minority religion.


#17

Yep. This is just the bluff-calling that was needed.

Hail Satan!


#18

Needs a nice, happy song to sing in school, too.


#19

I would be so stoked to open a hotel room drawer and see that.

I’d definitely do some reading of religious material on that stay, and it wouldn’t be from the book on the right.


#20

It happens a lot. Since the FFRF refuses to do anything on religious grounds, or to claim any religious privilege, it often doesn’t technically have standing in quite a few lawsuits pertaining to equal treatment of religions. That’s why the FFRF so often works with religious litigants and offers them legal counsel.

I would consider the church of satan to basically be a secular-ish organization that isn’t afraid to exploit the incredibly unfair religious preference that honest atheists can’t morally or ethically claim for themselves. I know I wouldn’t be okay exploiting religious loopholes just for the sake of political expediency. And that’s why an avowed atheist will never be president of the US.