I’ve frequented gay clubs in the past because I like to dance with both women and men, but men are typically really reluctant to dance with other men in straight bars and clubs. I’ve experienced a little bit of the creeping @LearnedCoward mentioned, but mostly guys seem happy to dance with someone who can lead a good range. And of course I usually go with friends to sit with so I’m not a lone gazelle. And I’ll be honest, I enjoy the attention even though I’m neither gay nor single. I do try to keep my naturally flirty personality in check, but that’s something I have to do everywhere since I learned a long time ago that what I consider innocent fun can be misconstrued as intent by whatever gender in any venue.
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I remember those days. Couldn’t gain weight to save my life. I still have a hard time finding clothes, because Big And Tall usually means Short And Fat, but not nearly as much as back in those days.
How tall is he? Does he have a growth spurt coming up?
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He’s about 5’10" and towers over me at 5’3", which in no way impedes my ability to yell at him. I simply look up when chastising him. I don’t know about growth spurt – his dad is 5’8", so he’s already exceeded that metric.
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I know right?!
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The ONE TIME I danced at a gay bar (okay, I was bored, and the music was good. I. NEVER. DANCE.), I just walked up to the guy and said, “I am straight. No joke. But I wanna dance.”
I think it’s better if you lay it out in no uncertain terms. He never laid a hand on me, but he did take his shirt off.
@Melizmatic He looked like Mangiello’s head on Tom Cruise’s body. The main reason I chose him was because he was hot enough to melt frozen butter.
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Was he super short?
Sounds yummy, height notwithstanding,
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I used to think Cruise was hot, before the crazy. Now I can’t get past the crazy. Anyone whoever said personality doesn’t affect attractiveness should be directed to Tom Cruise…
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[quote=“Melizmatic, post:254, topic:100802, full:true”]
Was he super short?[/quote]
Well, I believe I was 5’ 9 1/2" at the time, and I think I remember him being around the same height as me. Maybe 5’10"?
Wow. 5’7" is super short?
@GulliverFoyle I did make sure not to include the head, but you know…this was somewhere around Days of Thunder, before the steep descent into madness.
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*lolz
Not in my book, but he must think so; he’s the one who wears ‘elevators’ and wants to be shot from upward angles when filming, from what I’ve always heard.
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It is if you’re trying to look 6’.
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Hmm. He may be done growing, or almost done. Wait for him to bulk up… In his early 20s or so!
Then again, I had a 30 inch waist in college and I’m way taller than 5’10". I don’t really miss those days. That weight was probably dangerously unhealthy for me.
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What? I suppose it could be, if the objectified decided to, or even could, manipulate the objectifier on the basis of that desire. But that’s not usually the case. Objectification is an imposed condition, a power relation that’s usually not easily, suddenly reversed.
And, wait, you’re claiming that the objectifier creates desire in the objectifier? No. The objectifier imposes desire on the objectified – that’s pretty much how objectification is a problem.
Seems to me that if your “simple theory” were to be useful in the present discussion, its broken parts would first have to be fixed.
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That part seemed a little rapey, but I agree with this:
It always surprises me how scared women are of men. Most men are harmless, but all are potentially harmful I guess. It’s not unjustified, but it’s not something I intuitively understand either.
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If you’re interested in discussing these ideas, you should stick around. Otherwise it feels like you’re trying to drop some kind of drive-by truth bomb, which seems condescending.
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Makeup for some, miniature American flags for others!
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“what was she wearing?”
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I agree most men are harmless. The problem is the ones who are harmful act just like the harmless ones… until they don’t.
It seems to be about social conventions. A harmful person will follow all the conventions, be very polite even, signal that they will follow the roles of social engagement, until their victim says “no” to something and they do it anyhow.
It’s kind of like The Matrix where Agent Smith can take over any other person.
It also feeds into the unreliable victim narrative because hey, other witnesses saw the perp behaving in a normal way. Perfect gentleman.
It causes a lot of damage, because as you pointed out it affects relationships with harmless men as well.
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