Good deal on Crest teeth-whitening strips

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/04/29/good-deal-on-crest-teeth-white.html

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What is this weird, unhealthy obsession with White Teeth in America?

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How do you forget they’re there? I tried these things and they immediately turn into slippery slime tape in my mouth, forcing me to concentrate quite hard on not moving my mouth at all for half an hour.

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PROTIP: Your teeth are healthy and work great even when “stained.”

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I know, right? How the hell am I supposed to develop a sexy yellowed-ivory tone on my beautifully crooked choppers if I am always whitening them?

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It is a classic and classy look.

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I mean they work great for eating but when you’re single and aging you start to consider drastic measures.

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EdComplains

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My shirt still “works” even if it has stains on it, but that doesn’t mean I want to wear a shirt with stains on it.

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not more drastic than for a 20-30 years younger person:

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If only America’s unhealthy obsession with whiteness began and ended with teeth…

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B-zinga!

I get my teeth cleaned on the regular. That doesn’t make them white. They have already told me whitening is the only way to get them whiter.

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When I was a child the dentist gave me chewable fluoride tablets, which I took as prescribed

Now my teeth are permanently stained from dental fluorosis. So I hear the same thing — we’ve cleaned your teeth, but they’re not going to be white.

Of course, not even fancy whiteners will work for me — they try to sell me on veneers. At some point this just becomes a scheme to shame my appearance and extract as much money as possible.

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if anyone doesnt date you because your otherwise healthy teeth arent white enough, well, then this person isnt really worth to be dated theirself. fuck them.

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Meh, no it’s not like that. It’s just general fate that some people are single in their mid-30’s. Either fate or my personality. But either way, when you’re single, you tend to wonder sometimes whether you might be able to improve your appearance, and, if you’re like me, you think that you could go to the gym and get a rockin’ bod but in fact, you’d rather stay home and consider teeth whitening strips that you never buy while you commit to daily squats that never quite become a habit.

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Don’t fuck them, rather.

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Dentist told me these won’t work for older people. Loss of dentin makes teeth more transparent, so the grey core shows through. No amount of bleach will change this. Also, the bleach strips make me nauseated after 15 minutes.

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