Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/11/22/holiday-activity-make-up-a-st.html
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“Local man’s middle of the road farting routine is interrupted by horse cart pushing vehicle with a stiff rope.” Details at eleven.
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In college, (late 80’s/early 90’s pre-Glasnost) my roommate was a dual Russian/PolySci major. He came home with the story from his prof that Soviet citizens would smear the bottom of bread with shoe polish, which would then off-gas alcohol into the bread, which was eaten as a way of getting high. I didn’t believe them. Clearly, it was true.
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That must have been some party last night.
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It all started when Madam Petryashevskaya, the local bread maker, allowed some of her grain to get wet. She was in a hurry that day, and didn’t notice the ergot fungus that had grown on the grain. St. Vitus’s dance was seen all over the town that day: in shops, in the police station, in bedrooms, on rooftops. Others, when it hit, were so freaked out they froze. Visitors to the town and other onlookers who had not eaten bread from the local bakery were baffled.
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“No, no, it’s happening again!” he said in despair. Dejected, he plodded back to the time portal, determined that this iteration would be the one where he finally repaired the timeline.
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I think we need an easier one to practice on.
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No matter how many times it’s explained to me, I’ll never understand Australian rules football.
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Local man finds out he can control the minds of animals, first attempt ends with moderate success, horse duly impressed.
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Zaphod Beeblebox visits Russia in the Heart of Gold at an improbability level of 2 to the power of 800,000 to 1 against, and falling.
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Not in story form but my take:
Man in road is looking for oncoming traffic in case someone is coming other way he can get them to stop. Looking at fencing they are on a sloped road and horse can’t handle weight of fully loaded cart going uphill. They try pulling cart with both horse and van power but van pulls too hard on one side pushing horse to shoulder. Other man falls off cart. It’s caught on camera. Footage uploaded to internet. Bloggers repost and comments are made on video. You read sentences written. World turns.
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Very drunk Russian dude in dark clothes is walking home from local hangout, falls asleep standing up on street. Slowly begins waking up during the morning, but can’t quite get it together.
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Very drunk Russian dude in a horse-pulled cart dozes off while attempting to get the horse to pull the cart uphill. Horse, sober, stops pulling as soon as this opportunity arises.
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Very drunk Russian workman is driving his white van when he notices the stopped horse cart. Blearily decides that they must need his help, and ties a tow rope onto the cart. Gets back in van and starts pulling the cart up the hill.
End result: Cart guy wakes up to find that his cart is moving like never before, discovers ridiculous hangover, and falls on ground. Drunk guy in street achieves full consciousness only to see this insane parade behind him, wonders if he drank wood alcohol last night, and staggers backward off the road and into the gutter.
… Did I win anything?
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Some Russian friends insist that truck drivers cut their foreheads/scalps and put a petrol-soaked rag on it (topped with a cap) to get high while driving. I believe it.
It’s a deleted scene from “Plan 9 from Outer Mongolia”.
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“Missing village idiots found”
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In Soviet Russia, story explain what going on with you.
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Or simplified, Vodka, and Vodka. And it was a Friday.
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No wonder you’re having trouble with this one; this is cricket, not football!
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ɘƨɘɘʜɔ bnɒɿd ʜɔnγ⅃ bivɒႧ
If it isn’t WTF,
it doesn’t get David Lynch’s name on it.
ɘƨɘɘʜɔ bnɒɿd ʜɔnγ⅃ bivɒႧ
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