I don't hanker for a hunk o' American flavored imitation pasteurized process cheese food


Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/01/04/i-dont-hanker-for-a-hunk-o.html


Q: What does America taste like?
A: This:


Paging @Donald_Petersen


Make America day glow orange again?


Probably pre-melted for your convenience.


Oh sorry, it isn’t really American flavored imitation pasteurized process cheese food. It’s actually American flavored imitation pasteurized process cheese food product. But, amazingly, it tastes just like American flavored imitation pasteurized process cheese food.



I like the melty salty shit on hamburgers most of the time. I’m not trying to put aged Stilton on a Luther burger.

Same goes for most grilled cheese sandwiches meant to be eaten with tomato soup.

I’ll bet you can throw a rock anywhere in this country and find a cheese elitist who will also romanticize floppy cheapass NY pizza* over finely crafted and curated pizza made from superior ingredients.

/I agree. I like shitty flat greasy pizza.


“Time for Timer”? I had no idea that’s what that guy was called. A little childhood flashback there…


Not my go-to dairy product, but it has its place (In-N-Out, for one). For a better understanding, Kenji Lopez-Alt is there for us.


In-N-Out uses American cheese, not American flavored imitation pasteurized process cheese food.

That being said, I should probably go get a Double Double Animal Style for lunch.


Well, nothing should be made of mild cheddar. Like ever.




Unfair! This stuff is the very embodiment of “cheesy.”


No, I ain’t gonna buy the Valu Time shit (even if it’s made out of real Americans rather than just “American flavored”), but Kraft Singles are good eatin’, man.

Yep. That was truth spoken right there.

And any burger joint that doesn’t even offer American cheese has no business selling burgers.


“American cheese” isn’t actually a type of cheese, and cannot be sold as “cheese”. By law, it must be labeled as “processed cheese” and be a combination of at least 2 actual cheeses. So anyone who thinks “I don’t want that processed stuff, just give me good ol’ American cheese”, is deluding himself.


Mine is a strictly Velveeta household when it comes to fake cheese.


Oh, good lord! FML!



While I likewise have little time for cheese elitists, I do want the cheese I eat to be… y’know.


Perhaps it is the decadent effete European in me but I want it to be traumatized milk and nothing else. It doesn’t need to be Camembert, Asiago d’Allevo, or even a cheap-yet-yummy Bavarian Red, but the ingredients should not read like a chemistry experiment for very advanced students.

No, just plain old milk, cow guts, and assorted bacteria and fungi for me, please.

…this attitude may not be entirely self-consistent, but by Jove, I’m sticking by it. :slight_smile:


Almost every type of cheese (cheez) has its place. If you are going to blend the cheese with other things to the point where a substantial part of it isn’t cheese any more, using non-cheese is okay. The non-cheese actually has better melt qualities for many things, so in mac and cheese or grilled cheese sandwiches, it’s usually preferable. OTOH, don’t plop a brick of Velveeta on your cheese tray next to the havarti and Camenbert. Australian extra tasty cheddar rocks.


Fuck me. I actually searched for that Timer “wagon wheel” clip just last week. What is wrong with my brain?


I googled this shit, and there are some very funny reviews


Huh… it is essentially calcium enriched soybean oil that has been interesterified (gotta watch those trans fats!) and mixed with colors, flavors, and stabilizers.