More relevant is the venn diagram of people who don’t understand gender and people who don’t understand multimodal distribution.
Sex is also bimodal when you include intersex people.
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There was at least one Labour party MP whose sister is transgender. He was a Conservative MP until he was sacked from his role as spokesperson for London, because he supported the repeal of section 28. He was considered to be from the left of the Conservative party, so crossing the floor wasn’t that hard in the days of Tony Blair.
(Warning: The Guardian was far less trans aware 17 years ago)
The Labour party moved him to another seat at the next election as his chances of winning Witney were tiny. His successor there was David Cameron.
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Ours is still very young yet, but I’m hoping this is how it works for her friends too. We’re doing our part- picking books that discuss being trans or nonbinary or a boy who likes skirts. Trying hard to answer her questions about biology with “well, yes, most women have that, but some don’t. It doesn’t really matter much.”
It’s hard to root out all the rote nonsense we learned as kids and has taken adjustments to our thinking.
Her teddy bear uses male pronouns and “is a boy” but apparently also “has a vagina.” This makes perfect sense to her. That’s probably because she is two. But I take it as a hopeful sign for the future.
We’ll have to check out this book- she’s not the recommended age, but you never know with those.
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Please also see the books along these lines of Maya Gonzalez, such as The Gender Wheel - They, She, He, Me: Free To Be - Playing with Pronouns (https://instagram.com/mzmayagonzalez?igshid=150wzwaoxnoga - genderwheel.com)
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Aimed at small children
I know that’s what the authors intended, but given the ignorance on display with regard to this topic, particularly from people in power, governmental or otherwise, some spoon-feeding of adults is also called for. They certainly haven’t figured it out for themselves.
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You’ve come a long way…
Snapped a pic of this horror in a used shop in Minneapolis a couple years ago…
(in hindsight I’m disappointed I didn’t think to buy it and visibly drop it in the trash on my way out. Apparently the content might have been considered fine for its day, and I do find online a page that makes it look like it was pretty much the party line for 70/80s women’s lib. But obvs it’s all starting from an assumption of strict gender. And just that title, uff)
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According to a goodreads review:
I was really worried about this one, based on the title, but it certainly wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
Praising with faint praise indeed…
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This.
Also, I am having a really tough time making the mental switch with one of my son’s friends that we’ve known since kindergarten as a boy, but who is a girl. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to lock this seemingly minor change in.
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Only tangentially related, but funny: My childrens’ school recently had an event when the kids wrote signs on pink paper with gender-identity-accepting and anti-bullying messages. The kindergarten kids chose from stock messages, but the older kids made up their own. So they said things like, “There are no boys toys and girls toys, just toys.” And “We should love everyone no matter who they are.” and stuff. They hung them all up in the hall.
And one said, “It doesn’t matter who are you or what you do.”
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No, language like “You’re okay just the way you are” cheapens the discourse. It sentimentalizes children and denies them humanity and complexity. Kids, cis kids, and trans kids, can be monstrous, cruel, racist, violent, etc. (It’s why the white tendency toward “race-blind” parenting is so catastrophic - by ignoring race and not engaging meaningfully with its impact in our culture, they allow their kids to develop their own, often deeply fucked up, attitudes about race. Kids are not perfect blank-slate little angels.) Also, using essentialist language like “You are great” or “You are smart” is developmentally and emotionally bad for kids, as it makes them have an existential panic at inevitable moments when they find themselves not bring ‘great’ or ‘smart,’ rather than understanding strategies to face chose challenging times.
More thoughtful, complex, but still age-appropriate language could still be affirming without being stultifying. “No matter who you are, you still are worthy of love. No matter who you are, you are capable of showing others care. When people hurt you or make you feel bad, they’re making hurtful or harmful choices. Making hurtful or harmful choices is not okay.” etc. etc.
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You’re aware that this is an open, accessible conversation piece for kids, and that your superior attitude to someone defending that is pissing all over that sentiment, right?
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I Gotta Be Me
Me me me me
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The people here who are willfully reading “even if you’re an asshole” into the title of a children’s book that is explicitly about gender identity to the point of those two words being printed on the cover of the book is super fascinating.
Wait, did I say “fascinating”? I meant “exhausting”.
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Would it be sufficient for the publisher to include an errata slip saying “Women can also have penises?”
Otherwise it seems not to deviate from current thinking that if children wear dresses they must be girls.
Oh for FSM’s sake. The title of the book isn’t, “It’s okay to be an asshole” it’s “It feels good to be yourself.” The message isn’t even directed at transgender kids, it’s directed at cisgender kids. The title is an answer to a cisgender kid’s question of “Why does that boy want to be a girl?” The point being conveyed is that trans- and cisgender people are the same. We all want to be ourselves.
It’s possible that some people, if they were truly introspective, would say, “What I really am is a dominance-oriented asshole.” But guess what, it would feel good for them to be themselves too. It’s the rest of us that need to put them in prison.
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