My sexuality is kind of unusual, I guess. I am genderqueer/fluid and consider sex to be a very open, free, everyday thing. My outlook is that sexuality is integral, very much a part of life, society, and everyday social relationships. So, the paradox is that my sex life tends to be closed off and separate, because this is how the people I live near require it to be. I live in a culture where people speak of sex with awe, but where it is required to be separate and hidden away. So I tend to feel that most people are being antisocial for having schizoid sexual identities, while they think I am antisocial for not internalizing their rather arbitrary hang-ups.
In my younger years, I thought that I was trying to save myself embarrassment by being less forward sexually. But as I have gotten older, it has seemed more obvious that I am sparing the feelings of others who are themselves easily embarrassed. I try, to what limited extent I can, to be an activist for kid’s sexual freedom, because this seems to be when they are expected to “socialize” the contradictory neurotic shameful nonsense around them. People tend to get quite hot and irrational about this! I prefer to break the cycle of prudery.
My own problem, as most people are concerned, is that I consider intimacy to be a primarily intellectual and aesthetic thing. By “aesthetic”, I mean not what people look like, but rather arts and sensuality generally. Apparently, this is uncommon and frowned upon, with most people apparently considering intimacy to be entirely emotional and role-based. So I end up more or less blind as to to why some relationships involve a sexual component, while others do not. For me, how people get together for sex (and most other activities) might as well be random. And as a consequence, most of my sexual relationships have indeed been more or less random, where I do not understand how or why I ended up with them. And, to my frustration, these tend to not be the relationships built upon my sort of intellectual intimacy either! Like a few others here have noted, the most attractive quality tends to be that someone is interesting.