I agree, the bigger problem is the patriarchy. Let’s smash it.
I agree with @rocketpj, and I would make the same case for a female abuser should a mob form after she came forward with limited information. Internet mobs are a bad thing.
If the abuser comes forward on their own and tries to reform it might make life easier for a victim. This is especially true if they are uncomfortable coming forward for fear of damaging their career or other relationships.
If you make it hard for abusers to come forward, you are probably making life harder for a victim somewhere.
I was touched in my crotch by a woman in power once. It would be great if she came forward and reformed, but that’s much less likely if she’s afraid of a mob.
Or maybe she won’t come forward because like lots of other people who commit sexual assault, she feels as if she’s done nothing wrong. She did, obviously, but that doesn’t mean SHE thinks she did.
People in power (which are still overwhelmingly men) believe that their position is due them and that their position entitles them to be exempt from responsibility and moral consequences of their actions. They believe that others with less power are literally there for the taking for their edification.
So, talking about sexual assault and calling out people who have abused others is not the problem here. the construction of structures of power which privilege some over others (generally, white, generally male) is the problem. As important as legal processes are in holding abusers accountable, we also have the very deep and serious problem that all too often, those legal structures are deeply implicated in preserving those structures of power which allow people to get away with abusing others. We can’t just expect the institutions that preserve that power to be in a position to dismantle that without a push from outside.
Tell an unwitting spouse that. To their face, sometime. Bet you will find a range of new answers for yourself to learn from. Some will agree with you.
No. Just no. You know fine well that YOU caused you to act this way. You made conscious decisions to do so. Stop trying to pass it off as if you were just some helpless observer to the whole thing, indeed as if you are a victim as well. That’s one of the most pathetic things I’ve heard.
Careful. This is what the right says to excuse black kids getting killed by cops.
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This thread is oddly quiet.
You should have seen it before it was cleaned up after a certain fellow who defines “conversation” as “talking but not listening” derailed it.
Careful. That sounds dangerously like a personal attack.
Heavens forfend! I am the model of discretion when it comes to avoiding naming names. The important thing is that the mods Fixed the Problem and eliminated the stuff about poor put-upon white men like myself with extreme Prejudice.