Morrissey's debut novel officially contains the worst literary sex scene of 2015


#1

[Read the post]


#2

Don’t quit yer day job?


#3

I dunno, it sounded fun to me, except what was that part about judges?


#4

Nuff said…


#5

That excerpt throbbed wildly, rubbing itself against my curiosity through its thin metaphor. Its wordly insistence found my wet eyes, wet with their natural fluids rather than from any local interest, but still, wet, and that was all the passage cared about. The passage found its own passage, in, in. In through the dark central circle of my eyes, the light sucking hole that penetrates to that deep organ where real touch takes place. Aroused, or rather, alerted, that ■■■■■ curvy organ perked up and cried out, “OH GOD NO.”


#6

I find it kind of weird that someone who’s in the habit of declaring himself asexual as well as celibate would put a sex scene in his book. Maybe this is his parody of internet porn?


#7

Still sexier than a barrel full of gyrating athletes.


#8

Just me or has it got HOT in here???


#9

Most people who are “complicated” because they’re, like, both-good-and-bad. Morrissey is constantly finding entirely new axes on which to be either wonderful or cringe-inducing.

This is actually the least polarizing thing I’ve heard about him in a while, in that it neither makes me want to burn all his albums nor go out and buy them all again.


#10

Eliza and Ezra? Who names their characters Eliza and Ezra?


#11

Eddie Izzard? Alonso Allesandro? Asame Eluso?


#12

Considering how freaking otherwordly this sex scene is, it actually explains a lot.


#13

If this is supposed to be “worst” in an unintended way, as in bad writing, I think I’d have to disagree. It seems very odd but in an over-the-top and goofy way, intentionally so.

The line about Ezra’s “bulbous salutation” is actually pretty funny.


#14

I think awards like this are one of the reasons many people are afraid to actually try writing a book.


#15

I don’t know why anyone bothers writing sex scenes in books. It’s always cringe inducing. Just skip to them having a cigarette in bed.


#16

Funny is what he does, he just masks it with tragedy.


#17

Exactly, I wasn’t being entirely snarky about this being a sort of parody of porn. Morrissey is about the last person in the world I’d expect to write a sexy sex scene, and this comes off to me as ridiculous in an intentional way, straight sex as envisioned by someone who has never actually experienced it.


#18

I don’t think people usually write 80+ word sentences by accident. You have to really try. If this isn’t meant to be intentionally absurd then… well, it’s Morrissey, how is it possible that it isn’t intentionally absurd?


#19

is there a new level of expertise at 100 Shades of Gray?


#20

If you assume that Ezra and Eliza aren’t humans, but are instead some sort of shape shifting aliens, this scene becomes both funnier and easier to understand.