Negative review of a $1,500 Silicon Valley toaster oven


Originally published at:

Kellyanne Conway: microwave ovens can turn into cameras but she's not Inspector Gadget

This article coincides with Peak Sriracha.


Rich people problems.


If you’re gonna spend $1500 on a goddamn toaster oven, then you deserve whatever hell it burns your toast in.


It’s like the engineer asked himself “how can I take the most poorly designed base class of kitchen appliance from the past 40 years and add in even more points of failure?”


When you cook salmon wrong, you learn about cooking it right. When the June cooks salmon wrong, its findings are uploaded, aggregated, and averaged into a June database that you hope will allow all June ovens to get it right the next time.

“Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” updated for the .gif generation.


Come to think of it, if you can make animated time-lapse .gifs of your dinner going completely wrong, I can see that as a huge selling point. (And apparently, you can!)


But will it interface with my self-driving car?

Because I am hungry for toasted snacks during the long trip from my trailer to the movie set.


The people who designed this oven likely don’t cook, or even enjoy eating, and subsist on Soylent.


I gotta admit, as someone who dispises the stippled screens on oven doors and microwaves, I like the idea of a webcam where I can watch my stuff cook…

I would take the door off my microwave if I wasn’t completely certain I would irradiate my face.


Great, exactly what i was missing in my life. Having my toaster oven spam my cellphone


Sounds like it belongs in the section on Disobedient Electronics.


I can not stop laughing at the $1500 toaster, fucking ridiculous times 10.


Ah, but can it talk? What good is a toaster oven without a voice? Silence = Death!


I thought my $80 Beville was pricey but now I feel like a fucking genius, since all it does is toast instead of screwing up the timing of dinner with friends by half an hour.


You seriously do not want it to talk…


Dave: Computer, cook this filet mignon.
Computer: Certainly. What temperature, Dave?
Dave: Well done.
Computer: I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.


When you spend 1500$ on a toaster you probably expect it to have more of “whatever” - if it behaves just like the 30$ variant you (should?) feel duped.


Dave: Computer, cook this filet mignon.
Computer: Certainly. What temperature, Dave?
Dave: Well done.

“I haven’t started yet, Dave. Your commendation does not compute.”