Negative review of a $1,500 Silicon Valley toaster oven

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/11/28/negative-review-of-a-1500-si.html

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This article coincides with Peak Sriracha.

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Rich people problems.

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If you’re gonna spend $1500 on a goddamn toaster oven, then you deserve whatever hell it burns your toast in.

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It’s like the engineer asked himself “how can I take the most poorly designed base class of kitchen appliance from the past 40 years and add in even more points of failure?”

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When you cook salmon wrong, you learn about cooking it right. When the June cooks salmon wrong, its findings are uploaded, aggregated, and averaged into a June database that you hope will allow all June ovens to get it right the next time.

“Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” updated for the .gif generation.

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Come to think of it, if you can make animated time-lapse .gifs of your dinner going completely wrong, I can see that as a huge selling point. (And apparently, you can!)

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But will it interface with my self-driving car?

Because I am hungry for toasted snacks during the long trip from my trailer to the movie set.

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The people who designed this oven likely don’t cook, or even enjoy eating, and subsist on Soylent.

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I gotta admit, as someone who dispises the stippled screens on oven doors and microwaves, I like the idea of a webcam where I can watch my stuff cook…

I would take the door off my microwave if I wasn’t completely certain I would irradiate my face.

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Great, exactly what i was missing in my life. Having my toaster oven spam my cellphone

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Sounds like it belongs in the section on Disobedient Electronics.

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I can not stop laughing at the $1500 toaster, fucking ridiculous times 10.

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Ah, but can it talk? What good is a toaster oven without a voice? Silence = Death!

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I thought my $80 Beville was pricey but now I feel like a fucking genius, since all it does is toast instead of screwing up the timing of dinner with friends by half an hour.

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You seriously do not want it to talk…

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Dave: Computer, cook this filet mignon.
Computer: Certainly. What temperature, Dave?
Dave: Well done.
Computer: I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

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When you spend 1500$ on a toaster you probably expect it to have more of “whatever” - if it behaves just like the 30$ variant you (should?) feel duped.

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Dave: Computer, cook this filet mignon.
Computer: Certainly. What temperature, Dave?
Dave: Well done.

“I haven’t started yet, Dave. Your commendation does not compute.”

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