Being male is nothing to apologize for.
Being @Caffinated - that is something to apologize for.
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Why is it that we canât discuss what is happening to women without you and others feeling its about you? It isnât. If you donât do these things like treating women as sexual objects as a man, great for you. Raising awareness, and having a discussion about these real problems that women have to face on a daily basis shouldnât make you feel the need to apologize. If youâre a decent human being that wants everyone in our society, male or female to succeed youâd see that the Patriarchy must be destroyed and hurts everyone.
You arenât helping by making the discussion about you, and others arenât helping by ignoring or downplaying what is happening by insisting these things happen because either because boys will be boys, or because it happens to men too. Thus its just something that happens.
No, I want to live in a better society than that.
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Came here for popcorn. Was not disappointed.
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Iâm going to admit right off the bat to being too lazy to look something up. Having said thatâŚ
I saw a writeup about a survey a while back that asked men about their sexual experiences on campus. The surprising thing was that, at the end, they figured out that 1 in 5 college-age men had been either raped or sexually assaulted. Many of them just didnât realize.
And on top of it being things like being too drunk for consent or being groped, there was one they quoted who had been driven out into the country, shoved out of the car, and told that he couldnât get back in the car until he had sex with her. The kicker was that he didnât realize that she was the one in the wrong, and that he assumed heâd done something wrong.
But these things are things that are going to have to be sorted out in the future. There are things we hold to be true that weâre going to figure out, well, arenât. Hell, I wonder how many people would reject the Women are Wonderful effect because it flies in the face of the notion that women are always subject to misogyny. MaybeâŚjust maybeâŚwomen can be held in higher regard in some areas, but subject to shitty treatment in others? Fawking gender roles, how do they work?
Citations needed, dude. A statement about " a writeup about a survey a while back" is not helpful in making any point.
There was a study where college men were interviewed about sexual assault, where it was not called sexual assault or rape, and the results were pretty astonishing:
Here is another article with more links to related papers:
Is this the paper that you were referring to with regards to 1 in 5 men being sexually assaulted ? :
Your statement
Things like that DO happen to boys - but where I come from (small farming community in North America) that is the thing that regularly happens to girls that are 13 or 14 years old - always by an older male - and no matter what the girl does - sexually complies, resists, fights or walks home from a remote location - that girl is labelled a slut who is victim blamed, who can not ever escape this reputation.
The paper about sexually coerced males has the byline âResult is distress and risky behaviour but not lower self esteem, according to researchâ
One study reports that â94% of women experienced PTSD symptoms during the first two weeks after an assaultâ, with a âlifetime prevalence of PTSD of women who have been sexually assaulted is 50%â. *
So - some girls/women have been sexually coercive towards boys or men. Most boys or men have not experienced the level of fear or threat that girls or women experience every day, in many or most aspects of their existence as a result of hostile, aggressive, intrusive behaviours by specific boys or men, most boys or men are not sexually assaulted by girls or women in situations that left them fearful for their safety or LIFE, and most of the boys or men who were sexually coerced did not have any profound psychological effects. Most boys or men do not regularly experience sexual harassment from girls or women in their school or workplace, their reputations generally do not suffer as a result of being sexually assaulted OR being the guy who sexually assaults.
There ARE girls and women who are abusive, threatening, coercive. However - statistically these girls/women are a very small percentage of the perpetrators of sexual assault towards boys/men. The flip side of this coin is that a very incredible amount of women across all races, classes, education levels will experience a sexual assault that will leave them significantly traumatized, with 50% of them being affected for the REST OF THEIR LIFE.
Dude, please head directly to Project Unbreakable to help you to understand what effect sexual assault, incest and domestic violence have.
p.s. Your âWomen Are Wonderfulâ link in no way explains the pervasive misogyny that all women experience in every aspect of their life - from being underpaid compared to their male colleagues with similar experience/education - to being sexually assaulted by a male partner. Just because you as a dude do not personally experience misogyny does not mean it does not exist.
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Could this be because the writers are incapable of writing an intelligent woman, so they create bumbling idiot men to compensate?
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Yes they are, but sometimes it really does feel like that. The extent of judgment we get for our bodies is occasionally overwhelming.
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Holy $h!t!
This collection sure causes a start when you realize what some of the photos represent, remember trigger warnings, this actually qualifies.
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Oh a survey on a college campus likely full of like maybe 100 mostly early 20âs something white dudes. HOW IMPRESSIVE.
Would it ALSO blow your mind to know that feminism also addresses the tendancy for some people to put women up on a weird pedestal, a standard in which most human women cannot possibly actually meet. KAPOW!
Maybe you should do some research on feminism. Itâs clear to me that you donât have any understanding of what feminism actually is.
The âwomen are wonderfulâ effect also doesnât actually imply that âwomen arenât always faced with misogynyâ which is a fucking straw man argument, anyway. Seriously, your arguments are ALL over the place. Youâre moving the goal posts within your own damn arguments. You really arenât knowledgeable about this subject and itâs painfully obvious. Youâre basing all of your shoddy opinions on assumptions, supposition, and obvious bias.
Honestly, youâre boring. Youâre not even someone I enjoy debating or arguing with because youâre so damn ignorant and so bad at it.
Fawking gender roles, how do they work?
Clearly you have NO FUCKING IDEA.
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I wouldnât smoke around all that straw, man.
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Iâve heard it said (i.e. canât find it back) that there is a âreport this adâ button or link on the front page. Iâve never looked for it, so I canât say.
Well, if youâre studying menâs experiences on campus, it might make the most sense to study early 20âs something dudes. All other things being equal, I donât know why you would single out âwhite dudesâ, except as a derailing point.
Another thing thatâs interesting about yourresponse of âon a college campusâ is that the 2007 study was of 5,500 women, probably mostly white chicks (see what I did there?) on two college campuses.
But again, if the sample was chosen wisely, it could be perfectly representative of college life.
Though honestly, Iâm not sure why you feel the need to be part of the system that marginalizes sexual assault victims based on their gender. Having been friends with a gay man who was literally laughed out of the campus police stationâŚI canât think of any nice response to your crass attitude.
Does it? Are you certain? Because you and I are talking about different things; Iâm talking about the psychological phenomenon of placing more trust in the word of a woman, even to the point of women getting lighter sentences in criminal cases (something that has been studied thoroughly, weâre not talking about Paul Elam hand-waving here) while youâre talking about societal pressures to, say, look pretty and act nice.
Both of these things, I think youâd agree, could be true, at the same time! Funny old thing, life!
And yetâŚyou really didnât cite anything, you just say âdo some research.â
And this was in response to a comment that largely agreed with you and was just expanding on what you said.
YeahâŚyâknow, Iâve been reading your comments for a long time, and I rarely, if ever, see you cite anything. Just a lot of anger. And angst. And anything that questions what you know to be true makes one a horrible, evil person, perhaps an MRA, or merely a misogynist asshole.
I get it. Youâre an angry person. Youâre also fairly boring and seem to try to make up for a lack of depth of thought with bravado and bluster. Well, I suppose that works well for you, but itâs all a little tedious and dull, isnât it? Not to mention bad for the blood pressure. I suggest drinking in moderation followed by a nap, advice I seldom get to take yet enthusiastically try to follow.
Oh god, I am going to mention it (cause it is too painful and too soon)
Divorce sucks. Two dudes I am close with finally got custody. Their partners were just nuts.
âŚugh, I am going to say it, and I will be flamed. But this particular kind of situation isnât fair.
Edit
The first âunfit parentâ is in jail for heroin.
The second âunfit parentâ was living with her drug dealing mother.
Both were multi year situations.
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Seriously? âYouâre an angry personâ? âCalm downâ? Iâm not even going to bother reading the rest of your post. Youâre just a blatantly sexist troll and not even very good at it. Boring. So much goal post moving. Youâre REALLY not good at this.
Someone already responded to you about that very study you vaguely mentioned, anyway. Interesting that you COMPLETELY ignored that comment. Huh.
Also considering your above response to @OtherMichael ⌠your entire response here is hypocritical. Trollolololololol, thatâs all you are, and not a very good one, at that.
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Statistically, the reason women get custody in divorce more often than men is because women are the ones who fight for it way far more often (if you want statistics Iâd be more than happy to share them but they are fairly easy to find), but that has more to do with our society as a whole assuming women are the caretakers than it does men just being douche bags as a whole (itâs complicated).
Additionally, courts tend to assume that mothers are the default best-option for main or full custody, because women are âsupposed to beâ nurturers. Things ARE changing some in that regard, but slowly (also with the acceptance of stay at home dads and paternity leave, which are necessary component for full equality when it comes to âparenting rolesâ).
This isnât a GOOD thing for women or mothers. This puts a LOT of burden on women to be the ones always to be the main or only parent (thus putting pressure and a super high, unreasonable standard on women as a whole), and it also keeps fathers at a distance (generally speaking).
So yeah, it does suck, but maybe not for the reasons a lot of people think.
Additionally, this sort of thing would happen even less if abortion wasnât so fucking stigmatized and was easier to obtain (especially in certain statesâŚ). Also, of course, there needs to be less stigmatization and better options for drug addiction and mental illness (which often go hand in hand) and health care in general. Itâs a complex issue, that feminism does actually address.
Also, while Iâm sure those women were not ideal mothers, itâs probably less about them being âcrazyâ and more about drug addiction and mental illness. It would help immensely if we could actually speak about those sorts of things without immediately going to the âwimmins be crazy!â trope. Same goes with fathers who have addiction and mental illness issues as well. Personally, I dislike the âdead beat dadâ trope just as much as I dislike the âwimmins be crazyâ trope. Both over-simplify a very complex issue.
Also, our court system in general is super fucked up and overly complicated and fraught with corruption, and itâs not just the criminal side.
Note that I have a drug addict for a mother (who I know loves me but who has, um, issues, and always has) â and if it werenât for my amazing father, shit would have been very, very different for me and my sisters (and their kids). Heck, my little sisterâs now-husband adopted the son she had from a previous relationship with an abusive fuckhead who put her in the hospital twice. (My bro-in-law is awesome and my little sister would not be the good mom she is without him and she knows it.)
So I completely understand in a very real way that mothers arenât always the default âawesomeâ that so many people assume they are and that there are a LOT of great dads out there. Iâm childfree by choice for a damn reason!
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Iâve got a (male) friend right now whoâs actually been awarded full custody. Twice. And he still doesnât have his kid. Momâs in jail for contempt now, but sheâs shipped the kid off with a friend and he doesnât actually know where his child is right now. He ended up in a multi-year battle as well because his ex kept trying for new hearings in different states to get a more favorable result.
This is a tangent, but really itâs bizarre how powerless the legal system suddenly seems to be even when it rules in your favor. I recently saw an article that some minor celebrity had been jailed because he owed something like $3,000 in back child support. My ex currently owes me $35,000 and I canât even get them to file contempt charges.
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I apologize, all I have is a phone right now so writing with nuance and grace in long form is⌠Annoying. I didnât mean to evoke that stereotype, it was unintentional.
And I guess the fundamental lesson I learned was: gender interactions in the legal system are complex, unfair for everyone on some level, and the fallout is never satisfying.
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Just⌠Wow. You made my dayâme and my friends have it rough, but not that rough.
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I probably should have been a little more gentle with that â I actually donât think thatâs what you were attempting, at least not intentionally (and yes, intent does matter).
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