Qultists believe the Emergency Alert test will finally usher in the New World Order... for real this time

Saw this reddit post earlier. Guy’s landlord thinks the test is going to screw people up, “especially the vaxxed”, recommends people wrap their phones in tinfoil, and plans to shut power down in the whole building during the test because he thinks it will cause appliances to burst into flames.



If the only non-zombies around are people who refused to get vaccinated, I suspect it’ll be slim pickings at that buffet…


whoohoo, i’m getting my vaccine booster in a couple hours – in under the wire, baby! gimme some of that sweet, sweet zombie juice!


If I were a fascist jackass/MAGA dipshit - and I not braindead (is this a null set?) - I’d have planned my mayhem for this very moment. “Ahh…probably just a false alarm due to that emergency alert dealio.”

I mean: it should buy you, the terrorist, fighting to make Moronic Assumptions Grim Again at least a few minutes or so, right?

Local electrical grids should be monitored; these Dumpy/neo-Nazi dupes and jagoffs have shown that’s a favorite target for their “accelerationist” ideology. (Assuming local LEOs aren’t dippy fascists: not a safe assumption.)

I will be sleeping at 11:20PST on Wednesday morning (it’s still morning, fer crissakes!) and wearing those blue foam earplugs that Frauenfelder turned me onto. Let the nuclear blasts begin; I will sleep through it.

I wonder how many people will miss the warning of this thing and have heart attacks when it happens? Anyway…Smoke 'em if ya got 'em. (Spliffs, that is.)


I find it interesting that the “New World Order” is seen as somehow a left- wing conspiracy despite the phrase being used by politicians of every political description for decades. Do they just selectively filter out the cases where right- wingers used it? Or do they think that folks like George Bush were working with Obama on this?


It already is. But fear not, the New Old New World Order is on the horizon and things are only gonna get better before they get worse. Not a typo.


The brain buffet looks pretty well picked over at this point. Shoulda come earlier.


“In case of Sonic Attack on your district, follow these rules…”

Or for those who prefer William Shatner to Brian Blessed (hey, I’m not judging), there’s this version.


Aside from domestic violence survivors, this is likely to give away someone’s position during a mass shooting. Of which there are an average of almost two a day in the USA. :face_exhaling:

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This… makes me nervous. Modern zombie narratives have become popular among those because it’s an opportunity to fantasize about murdering their neighbors, and I really don’t like the idea that a bunch of gun-toting nuts are going to be primed to start killing people. The fact that clearly no one will have turned into a zombie won’t necessarily be an impediment to their desired killing sprees, either - they’ll simply reinterpret what “zombie” means. I.e. that everyone is now secretly a ravenous flesh-eater and/or devoid of complex thought (tying into right-wing “NPC” rhetoric). It becomes an excuse to mistreat/kill people pre-emptively because of a presumption that they’ve suddenly become less than human (especially if one was predisposed to already believe that about certain groups).


Something must be wrong with those vaccines. We here in Germany had one of these tests last month already and no zombies appeared at all!


As a public service: I don’t know how the “BRAINZZZ” bullshit ever got started, but I think it’s a plot by those who aspire to live, to starve out those they anticipate un-dying. THE BRAIN IS THE HARDEST JUICY BIT TO GET TO. IT’S TOTALLY ENCASED IN BONE.

When you get switched on tomorrow, remember to go for the guts and throats, like real zombies should. Arms and legs are for seconds. Forget the brains; it’s a fool’s nosh.




I, for one… … yadda yadda…

Oh I guess I’ll be one of those zombie overlords then.

I’m OK with that.


I can imagine crazy people trying to destroy cell phone towers tomorrow and mean people pretending they are zombies just for lolz or views and likes…


Hmm…You have convinced me that I should not go to the grocery store tomorrow after work. Shame that, it’s the slowest time all week. :frowning:


FACT: If you play the emergency alert signal into an electric fan that is spinning at just the right speed, with the correct mix of gases in the room (it’s all about atmosphere), you will hear the hidden message: *People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you. … There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now. … What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams.


Aside from the “Process Playbook” having the look of a process that probably goes more smoothly with a heads-up; apparently the process of developing and administering the survey to gauge the effectiveness of the test takes some doing.

I’ve not been able to track down exactly what the approval processes are for that at the DHS and OMB(if anyone has better luck I’d be curious); but apparently there are some; and, according to the linked article, the then FEMA Deputy Assistant Administrator’s assessment was “It takes a great deal of work to get a simple survey instrument approved to be able to collect that information,” which sounds like the sort of fun you don’t get to have off-the-cuff.

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That didn’t work out quite so well for Zombieland’s Bill Murray…


Marburg virus? That’s a hemorrhagic fever similar to Ebola. 2-21 day incubation period with up to 90% fatality rate dependent on the strain.

Death essentially by multiple organ failure. Very painful, untreatable except for palliative care. Not really a zombie virus, more a writhing on the ground in excruciating pain unless administered a heavy sedative virus.

Also a virus transmitted via fluids, so a zombie-killing-rampage would likely lead to the rampagers getting the virus too.

They should have gone with toxoplasma gondii or maybe ophiocordyceps unilateralis (zombie ant fungus) which would have made more zombie making sense.

Disappointing, really.