Continuing the discussion from How can women disrupt male speech domination?:
I wish I could take, “I don’t want to” but unfortunately that’s everything some days. She needs to learn the skill of tolerating not wanting to do something long enough to do it.
But I’m not going to teach her that skill by punishing her, rather I’m going to teach it by supporting her as she tries to struggle through, and by interpreting some of her resistance as her best attempt to get through it instead of getting mad at her. I’m trying to tell her over and over again that she has good reasons to behave the way she behaves so she can see her behaviour as complex and motivated by her needs rather than as being a “good girl” or a “bad girl”.
She has some very annoying daily routines she just needs to do for her health, and while some days she’s fine, other days she really hates it. She picks fights over things that she knows we have to force in order to provoke conflict, I think. I want to show her that she can get our attention without fighting, even though reality is always going to be that sometimes the best way to get attention is to be mean.
One thing I’m actually actively avoiding is reasoning with her. I don’t want her to get into a cycle of needing to come up with more and more dire problems in order to justify her feelings of unhappiness. I “have a friend” who grew up doing that.